Bridging the Gap

11 children, 2 adults with $300 aid and some rations?

You wonder what is life like? And with the need to survive, are they able to send their children to preschool? In the first place, do they even bother about preschool education for their children. I doubt it.

I used to wonder, what were their parents thinking? Especially when they knew that with their limited educational level, they have very little income and yet they decide to have many children. How are they going to feed their children well much less educate them. Thus the vicious cycle of being uneducated, being unemployable continues.

More than 13 years ago, I was at an “L” flat – those HDB housing with dark lanes as both sides would be dwellings of bedroom-less space. In one of these, a family of nine children and their parents, all crammed into it. They have been cut of their water and electricity supplies because their father cannot afford to pay. I was there to inform them to come down to the self-help center to receive their voucher aid so that their bills would be settle and they would have water and electricity. Another flat had a simple-minded young girl living with her father and simple-minded mother on cardboards and whatever abandoned and broken furniture they can pick up in their “L” flat. What was more eye opening was the stench of poverty that fills my nostrils from their abode that they call home.

At that time, I was young and naïve, and the things that I see was enough to put me in a daze. How could life be so harsh to this people? What tragedy or circumstances that have befallen them that they were reduced to such a state? Why didn’t the parents study harder during their school days so that they would have better jobs and better income to support their children? Why aren’t some of the so-called breadwinners working? And why are they having so many children, if they can’t give a better life to each and everyone of them?

I was told that the mentality of these parents is that “children are rezeki or gifts from God.” The more children, the more rezeki you will have from Him.

Yes, children are blessings. But these blessings will become a burden if you don’t or can’t work hard and have the means for all of them. Why have nine or eleven, when one or four are still blessings to be grateful with?

13 years on, some of these low social-economic-strata families are still having large families, and at times, the breadwinner ridden with sickness. Thus, they are still not able to cope with the demands of life itself.

According to the Straits Times January 27th report, at least 5% of children annually do not enter preschool at all. And I do believe that somehow or rather, the Malays form a higher proportion of these children. In 1997, a report by the then Minister for Education, Rear Admiral Teo Chee Hean, cited that about 5%-6% of Malay children do not register for primary one, while the Indians is at 4.5% and the Chinese, 1.5%.

At that time, part of the reason, besides dropping out of school, some of these Malay families send their children for a madrasah route. That aside, even the madrasah education, was without its criticism. And as such, by next year, it will be compulsory for all primary six madrasah students in all the six madrasahs in Singapore to sit for their Primary School Leaving Examination. Those madrasah that produces results below the national level for a number of years, will be asked to close.

Though many have felt marginalized by this rule, I see many good in this. Madrasah Al-Maarif, for instance, have move on to a bigger and better building, with more facilities. Al-Irsyad will also soon have their new building that will synergise with the needs of education in this era. That’s only the façade, and of course, many things are yet to be seen especially in terms of state-of-the-art facilities, curriculum, materials, and quality of teachers etc.

All the changes and help in the community are in the hope of bridging the gap. But more than 30 years of independence, the Malays are still left behind. We definitely have seen some good, however, the gap will continue to be there if there are no in-depth programmes to tackle every facet of underachievement in the Malays. By the time we close the preschool, primary and secondary gaps, the gap is even wider in the higher level. When we beam and shout with pride that are our kids have gotten a degree, the other races have raced to attain double degrees, masters and phDs.

So where are we at again?

Another mundane marketing musings

And so I was at the chicken stall this morning, when the abang cajoled me into buying fresh chicken. Doesn't matter if it's fresh because I will still put it in the freezer as I will not be cooking chicken today. So I asked for two - one to be cut into four pieces, the other twelve. Then as I looked on, the chickens were already without their head and legs. Not that it ever bothered me because usually I would just ask the what-do-you-call-a-chicken-seller to just throw it away. But my domestic helper is fond of chicken legs. So I asked for it. And then we got into a little banter about chicken legs ... the one I've heard before was "whoever eats chicken legs, can run very fast" but this abang was teasing my young Indon maid by saying that since she likes to eat chicken legs, it means she "kuat merayap" (like to go out). Indon maid gushed with "Ya Allah, Ya ampun" and looking at me fearfully. I played along, and outrightly mentioned that if she were ever caught "merayap", she will get it from me. Then the abang chicken said that I was unkind to let her eat chicken feet only. Of course, I let her eat chicken meat but she loves chicken feet and in fact, I was kind enough to ask for the chicken feet for her, in which my hubby would definitely be so geli with. So I told chicken seller, she loves the chicken feet "sampai gigit-gigit tulang". My Indon maid would actually chew chicken bones. Ok enough of this chicken feet ramblings, when the abang chicken said, you are so "mesra" (amicable) with your maid.

Oh, am I? Suddenly that put a perspective on things.

Frankly speaking, I do not know what kind of employer I would be. In fact, I was a very hesitant person ever to employ a maid. For the many many fears that I have not just about having a domestic helper but a stranger living with me, with my family in my house. A stranger who would be close to my son, who would manage my husband's and my dirty laundry, and a female stranger, that might be able to seduce, nauzubillah. You see, my thoughts would actually go this far, and these thoughts were communicated to hubby before we finally decided to get a helper.

Well, I don't know. In fact, I was frank to tell her that I do not know what kind of employer I will be. But for as long as she is living in my house, she has to follow my rules. She has worked here in Singapore for four years, thus that would say volumes about her experience. But I had to point out to her, that whatever way her previous employer decide to do things, it's their way, and I have my way, and she has to follow my way.

It's still too early to say anything. But I do know that I would not want to be the type of employer like my in-law side. Like I said, they have their own way of doing things, and I have my way. And if my way is not as meticulous and proper as theirs, it is still my way and within my comfort zone, it's fine with me.

In the first few days of her working in my household, I had sleepless nights. She was sleeping in the same room as Afzal, and somehow, I would wake up two to three times in the middle of the night just to check on them in their room. Though that feeling of wanting to check on her has subsided, the feelings of wondering what could be happening in that room besides sleeping do seem to play in my subconscious.

Also, in the first few days, every night before she sleeps, it seemed like a debriefing time for me to let her know what she has done right and what else can be improved. The debriefing has not taken place any more, but of course, there were still occasions that I had to remind her to improve or do it better. Other than that, I don't see the need for me to be breathing down her neck for as long as she does her work properly and diligently. In fact, I think she does not have much to do at my house, as she had to ask me for more work. Sometimes, she would ask if she could prepare snacks for tea time. And usually, I will just let her do it if it's not too frivolous. She has even requested if I could purchase ingredients for rempeyek because she wanted to make some. By all means, I thought since I like rempeyek, and if it's good, she can make rempeyeks for our next raya. Well, but I'm still cautious and not about to let my guard down.

My mundane marketing musings

When I was a bit younger, maybe during my singlehood days, I was arrogant to think that the wet market is not for me. I would be the one doing marketing at the airconditioned, non-smelly, well-categorised supermarket just like the Hollywood movies, lugging groceries in brown bags.

Or so I think.

But this morning, I was at the new Geylang Serai market for one of my routine marketing trips of late with my domestic helper lugging the metal grocery bag on rollers. Of now, I will not be caught dead lugging that metal grocery bag. Eversince Afzal was in daily school, and having a domestic helper since 27 days ago, we've been having home-cooked meals more so than ever.

I'm pampered in Singapore. As food is so easily accessible. Every corner I turned, there is always stalls, shops, eateries, restaurants. There is always food and more food, not to mention the halal international kind.

When I work, I don't cook. When I'm lazy, I don't cook. And if I just don't feel like cooking, I don't cook. My kitchen(s) are out there, from local to international cuisines, from fast food to gourmet restaurants, from kampong to western delights, and not forgetting the ever delicious mum's and mil's meals.

But eversince Afzal is in daily school and the availability of the domestic helper to do all the hard work for me like cutting, peeling, chopping, blending and washing and scrubbing the pots after that, cooking has been almost a daily affair. So my dear Afzal will get Mum's warm home-cooked meals after school and Hubby will sometimes tapao for work as well.

Back in Alabama, I would cry my eyes out and I still had to cook. Of course, at times, when hubby was kind enough to grant me an off day, we would eat maggie mee. Occasionally we may hit a restaurant for their expensive seafood dishes. I turned every corner, and there is no halal food. Life was "hard" as I had to cook everyday, having to do all the cutting, peeling, chopping, blending, washing, scrubbing by myself. But where are the brown grocery bags? It remains in Hollywood movies, it seemed, because in Alabama, we still used plastic bags and in Melbourne, they encourage you to bring your own recycle bags.

With the frailties of human beings and our insatiable desires, we tend to think that the grass is always greener on the other side. We just don't know when we've got something good going until we do not have access to it. Mundane it might seem, but it has become an issue of survival. And surviving is one trait that cannot be learned, but only experience. For something that we desire, something else have to be given up. Unless that's ok with you, then it's a viable option. Otherwise, it will become a burden and you will think why you ever do it in the first place. Hmmm, what have these ramblings got to do with my going to the market?

Excuse me Mr or Ms Architect, are you a driver too?

If you have been to the new Geylang Serai Market, and decided to park your car at the market itself, you would definitely enter through the "wrong" lane and then reversed to go to the right lane. I wonder who design the entry and exit of that carpark, as the person who does that definitely has no sense of direction of the Singapore road system, and the supervisor who approved the plan is no less goondu. Unless you are in America, then it's ok to enter from the right lane. But here, we usually turn left into the left lane not right but this is not the case for the new Geylang Serai Market. When we turn left, we had to enter via the right lane instead to enter the carpark and if you did not know or not careful, you will move head on with the cars coming out of the carpark because the vehicles would be crisscrossing lanes. The cars exiting the car park should exit on their left but no, they exit on the right.

This reminds me of a story that an ex-colleague cum old friend told me about. At that time, her younger sister was studying to be an architect, and though their mum insisted that she should learn how to drive, younger sister was resistant. So mum said that, "if you don't drive, you will not know how to design car parks." And their mom words continue to echo in my ear whenever I enter a shopping mall with badly designed carparks. Whenever that happens, I will tell hubby that the architect is not a driver, and the supervisor sleeps on his job.

What's in a name?

It’s heartening to know that Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza stay true to their real names despite being in the glamour world of showbiz. But surprisingly some artistes that are managed by a Malay tv station has names changed from Khairul to Hyrul, and others from Iskandar to Eiss and Taufik to Taufique. Phonetically, the sounds are still the same but the alphabets depicted are more glamourous, no?

There goes again perhaps a case of identity crisis of the Malays, wanting to sound more westernized and glamourised than they should be. Even my own name, Maria, do not sound Malay but it has its roots in Islamic and Catholic origins. When I was in Europe, my name was so common that it became boring. Because every other European women you met, would have a name starting with Maria or know many more women with that name. However, on the positive side, they do not have problems pronouncing my name.

Some names are chosen, while others are created. Well, at least my son's name was chosen from ...not from some Islamic Baby Names Books, but the internet. There's just so much more choices from the internet than from the books. His chosen name is Muhammad Afzal simply because it has an excellent meaning, with its roots in Islam. It means the “most excellent”, and together with Muhammad, it means “the most honourable, most excellent”. And I hope he will grow up to be a fine young man. But it came to a point when grandparents think the name is too “heavy” for the child to carry. Especially when kids are prone to heavy crying and often falls sick, that’s when Malays feel that the names given to the child are not appropriate. It so happened that my husband is known by another name by his family members and relatives, which sounded a bit feminine. And if his actual name is mentioned, the relatives would be wondering whom we are talking about as they do not remember his real name. From what I heard, my husband’s maternal grandfather, in remembrance of a lost son, gave his real name to him. But his own father wanted a different name. So in respect, his official name was given by his maternal grandfather but his known to many by his other name given by his own father. Is that confusing? And to make matters more confusing, his three other adiks all have other names, and mind you, these are not nicknames.

In the old days, children are given names that may be detrimental to their own self-worth. For example, names like Buang, which literally means “throw” because so and so was abandoned by so and so parents and were picked up by another family. When the kids were picked up, they were called Pungot. Then there were others like Jantan, Comel, Comot, Kecil (but in terms of size, the person is far from kecil), Pendek, Panjang. And sometimes, they were given names of the week because they were born on Isnin or Senin, Khamis, Jumaat or Jumat, Sabtu, Ahad or Ahat. Names of months are not so popular except for the abbreviated June or Jun, and perhaps Syawal.

Created names may sound nice but sometimes do not hold any meaning. Others create their children's names by combining parts of the parents' names. Shahirina was born because of mom Shaemah, and dad Tahir. Then there are long names like Nurul Sajaa Rosshida Bte Mohd Rosli. This is still not long enough, and there are others much longer. Husband and I have decided that our kids’ names should not take too much time to write especially when it comes to exam papers. We also have western sounding names but with Islamic roots like Danial, Dayan and Matin, among others.

Hollywood celebrities can get away with wacky and weird names for their kids even calling them His Majesty or Police Inspektor. Sounds cheesey isn't it?

I wonder why a name was chosen and not others. So what’s in a name? Nice sounding and beautiful meaning? Glamourous or quirky? Or simply easy to remember.

What's the dilemma?

After watching Gol and Gincu, the Malaysian tv series about modern Malaysian teens grappling with issues of friendships, BGRs, futsal etc in a private college, my husband commented, "It's too modern."

Last night, the show's theme came across vividly what the show is actually about, The Malay Dilemma. A book written by the former Malaysian Primer Minister, Mahathir Mohamad was given airtime when the heroine, played by MTV VJ Fazura, opened the book in her hands. She was grappling with her modern identity vs her love for her more "cultured" boyfriend who is into Malay theatre and poetry. Aside what's reel, the reality is her reel boyfriend's real name is Mohd Pierre Andre. There were also other casts with similarly westernised names like Ashraf Sinclair. Maybe they were of mixed parentage. Or perhaps the Executive Producer of the show is the ex-PM own's daughter.

What Gol and Gincu potrayed may not truely reflect the whole of Malaysia, but at the same time, it is not uncommon in the Malaysian city landscape. Go down to places like Bukit Bintang and Bangsar, and you'll know what I mean. Perhaps I may be outdated, and there are more "happenings" than one could really imagine in a country known to be Islamic. I know, because I have lived there for 5 months and it was enough to give me a culture shock despite being of the same ethnic group.

When I was in university, I had a visiting Malaysian professor in my political science tutorial class. Being the only Malay in that class, he would often shoot questions at me, for the purpose of garnering my interest or just plain sadistic, I don't quite get him. And me, being politically apathetic, would just go into nonsensical babbling mode as long as I provide him some kind of responses. Funny, his own article would on occasions mildly criticise his country's political landscape but he also suggested to me that if I see a gathering of big names and they are sipping tea with a teacup in their hands, it means they are drinking wine. Should I believe this man? I didn't until of course I lived there.

Drinking liquor, though haram, is still practised by some Muslims. Even when I was visiting China, and visited many Muslim Chinese homes, some have bottles of liquor in their houses. This is also true in some Malaysian homes, and some of whom are people of high profiles. I'm sure it happens in Singapore too, but I have not seen a home with liquor yet but when it comes to drinking, heard and seen them many times. While doing research for a tv programme, the only contact I had in Singapore was with a Malay/ Muslim couple who owns a bar - tiny, dark, murky and patronised by Malays. I also went into a lounge own by a Chinese man but operated and runned by his Malay "mummy" and other Malay hostesses.

Sometimes we tend to sweep things under the carpet when the reality of our society is just such. If someone says that it's hard being Malay or Muslim and yet modern, then what about those Muslims living in non-Islamic countries, and yet able to keep their faith truthfully as they could.

It's strange that in societies or countries known to be Islamic or have better Islamic infrastructure, we, Muslims and/ or Malays tend to be lost. And by some kind of Divine intervention, we managed to find our truthful path when we are in a non-Islamic surrounding. Subhanallah, may Allah continue to guide us.