It was a major wake up call…
Things that you thought would never happen to you or your family, and then it did.
I must have been deep in my slumber, too tired for my own good, only to realize how late I was.
But I believe, that if anyone is sincere in seeking the truth, he will find the truth, whether in the Quran or the Bible or the Torah. May his heart is sincere in seeking the truth, and that he finds it, and leads all of us to the truth.
I read the first chapter of the holy Al-Quran with its English translation, and Al-Fatihah has never meant so beautiful and so inspiring to me until now. It feeds my almost empty soul. By reciting the Al-Fatihah with much understanding, I now know what is that I’m asking for from my one and only Lord.
***
There were many times that I felt the unfairness of life, and especially when it impacts my personal life. There were many moments that I felt I could have it better, or even questioned why others have it easier or better than me? But I forget, there are many others who have it much worst than me. I forget the blessings that He has bestowed on me. Whether it took only a second for him to answer my prayer, or nine years, He had and will answer my prayers, but if only I did not forget to prostrate five times a day to him. I have been so forgetful, buried in my own ignorant, so how can I deserve the blessings that I am seeking from Him. But I know He has given me so much more than I could ask for, and I keep asking and asking from Him.
***
Beautiful Ramadan is calling, beautiful Ramadan is coming, and I can’t wait…I can’t wait for syaitan to be chained, and I can’t wait to perform my terawih which I had done for the first time only in the last Ramadan. It was soul-filling. I seek that He gives me strength and energy to do it again. May Ramadan brings more blessings to all of us, and may He fulfilled all our prayers especially the prayers of our mothers and mothers alike...Ameen.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
It's not quantum theory, but just simple physics...
I was honoured to be sitting at the lunch table with a group of people who were experts in the field of Physics, and rightly so, some of them could be called Physicists. They talked about quantum physics, photo-electrics and some unheard of terms. They are normal people, like you and me, with children and family to think about. However, at the same time, they are rather simple - they believe in taking the public transport out for our lunch buffet at Sakura than ride a car, as some of them believes it saves the environment and the pockets. If their cause is about saving gaia, then I would relent but I am sure these are people who certainly have fatter pockets than me, and could afford a car, however they choose not to.
If truth be told, I actually studied Physics in junior college, which was definitely a disaster subject for me. In secondary school, I was studying pure Chemistry and a combination of Physics and Biology. At the end of 'O' levels, I just had it with Chemistry, and thought of switching to something more palatable. I don't know what I was thinking, and the college did not quite offer much choices, so I ended up taking Physics, Economics, Mathematics C and Art. Yes, Art as in drawing and painting. It was a weird combination, of which I'm the only one out of two students taking that combination. As such, I was label as a rebel.
At that time, the arts were frowned upon, as if being in the arts stream means you are doom for life. Though I was in the science stream, I had a very hard time trying to convince my teachers what I was doing was well- for my own passion and good. The teachers did not believe in me, and I had close friends from secondary school who drifted apart because they stuck to the subjects they knew best, and they were all in the same class except me, the rebel. I had a friendship crisis too.
My Physics tutor did not help as I couldn't quite understand him. Maybe he was knowledgeable in the content area but he certainly cannot teach. He was a Chinese educated Physics teacher and that made it harder for me to understand his articulation. I was lost and clueless, and when a junior English educated Physics teacher came to take over the class, he in fact took over the experiments I had to do, and did it for me. In the end, I did not learn to wire up the experiments to light up the bulb, because junior Physics teacher just did it for me, instead of teaching me.
I was told by my class tutor, who was also my maths teacher and the college's discipline master to drop Art when I was in second year. He told me I could not live with the Arts. Art as a subject will not feed me. He told me not to drop the sciences or the maths, as that will guarantee a future. I was half-baffled by such ideas.
My Physics tutor was disheartened with my Physics results but was not sure whether I should drop Physics. I was doing badly, but he still feels that perhaps there is still hope (in me) as Physics (the sciences and maths) will have a better future than Art. Though he was not as fierceful and forceful as my class tutor, he suggested it be best I dropped Art.
My Economics tutor had it with students who took four subjects instead of three. Basically she just did not believe that her students can manage four subjects, so I was asked to drop one subject, any one, economics included. She refused to sign my form that stated I will be taking all the four subjects, as she insisted I should drop one. I left the classroom and cried buckets at the sports hall.How could she make life difficult for me when I already had it so difficult?
My Art teacher insisted that I shouldn't drop Art, and disagreed with my Maths and Physics tutor for thinking that there is no future with Art. She was so furious that she threatened me in fact to stick to Art and dropped my worst subject (which happens to be Physics then) or economics (since the economics teacher did not mind). Again, I cried buckets. I just did not know what to do.
After calming myself down and talking to a friend, I decided to tell all my teachers that I'm sticking to all four subjects, and not dropping anyone of them and at the same time, promised that I will prove them wrong. I will show them that I can do it though deep in my heart, I knew I would be dead for making such a promise.
When my 'A' level results came, the subject that pulled me up was none other than Art. I didn't do well for Physics but I somehow I already knew how difficult it was since I couldn't comprehend it at all. However, I am proud to prove to my maths and economics teachers, who didn't quite believe in me that Art help me, Art gave me a future. I gained acceptance to the university partly because of it when most of my classmates who only had three subjects and didn't do well for one, couldn't.
I was thrilled, I was elated, and I had my Art teacher to thank for. I will always remember her to this day for simply believing in me.
So teachers, since teachers day is just around the corner, do have some faith in your students. Because sometimes they are already having a hard time coping in school, and they don't need that extra bad advice, or the feeling that they are a failure. Don't make them feel like a failure even if they are doing badly. They need encouragement, and sound advice. Really sound advice. Because not everyone is good in the maths and sciences, and that I can guarantee, there is also a future in Art and the Arts.
I'm sure this is simple physics to understand. :)
If truth be told, I actually studied Physics in junior college, which was definitely a disaster subject for me. In secondary school, I was studying pure Chemistry and a combination of Physics and Biology. At the end of 'O' levels, I just had it with Chemistry, and thought of switching to something more palatable. I don't know what I was thinking, and the college did not quite offer much choices, so I ended up taking Physics, Economics, Mathematics C and Art. Yes, Art as in drawing and painting. It was a weird combination, of which I'm the only one out of two students taking that combination. As such, I was label as a rebel.
At that time, the arts were frowned upon, as if being in the arts stream means you are doom for life. Though I was in the science stream, I had a very hard time trying to convince my teachers what I was doing was well- for my own passion and good. The teachers did not believe in me, and I had close friends from secondary school who drifted apart because they stuck to the subjects they knew best, and they were all in the same class except me, the rebel. I had a friendship crisis too.
My Physics tutor did not help as I couldn't quite understand him. Maybe he was knowledgeable in the content area but he certainly cannot teach. He was a Chinese educated Physics teacher and that made it harder for me to understand his articulation. I was lost and clueless, and when a junior English educated Physics teacher came to take over the class, he in fact took over the experiments I had to do, and did it for me. In the end, I did not learn to wire up the experiments to light up the bulb, because junior Physics teacher just did it for me, instead of teaching me.
I was told by my class tutor, who was also my maths teacher and the college's discipline master to drop Art when I was in second year. He told me I could not live with the Arts. Art as a subject will not feed me. He told me not to drop the sciences or the maths, as that will guarantee a future. I was half-baffled by such ideas.
My Physics tutor was disheartened with my Physics results but was not sure whether I should drop Physics. I was doing badly, but he still feels that perhaps there is still hope (in me) as Physics (the sciences and maths) will have a better future than Art. Though he was not as fierceful and forceful as my class tutor, he suggested it be best I dropped Art.
My Economics tutor had it with students who took four subjects instead of three. Basically she just did not believe that her students can manage four subjects, so I was asked to drop one subject, any one, economics included. She refused to sign my form that stated I will be taking all the four subjects, as she insisted I should drop one. I left the classroom and cried buckets at the sports hall.How could she make life difficult for me when I already had it so difficult?
My Art teacher insisted that I shouldn't drop Art, and disagreed with my Maths and Physics tutor for thinking that there is no future with Art. She was so furious that she threatened me in fact to stick to Art and dropped my worst subject (which happens to be Physics then) or economics (since the economics teacher did not mind). Again, I cried buckets. I just did not know what to do.
After calming myself down and talking to a friend, I decided to tell all my teachers that I'm sticking to all four subjects, and not dropping anyone of them and at the same time, promised that I will prove them wrong. I will show them that I can do it though deep in my heart, I knew I would be dead for making such a promise.
When my 'A' level results came, the subject that pulled me up was none other than Art. I didn't do well for Physics but I somehow I already knew how difficult it was since I couldn't comprehend it at all. However, I am proud to prove to my maths and economics teachers, who didn't quite believe in me that Art help me, Art gave me a future. I gained acceptance to the university partly because of it when most of my classmates who only had three subjects and didn't do well for one, couldn't.
I was thrilled, I was elated, and I had my Art teacher to thank for. I will always remember her to this day for simply believing in me.
So teachers, since teachers day is just around the corner, do have some faith in your students. Because sometimes they are already having a hard time coping in school, and they don't need that extra bad advice, or the feeling that they are a failure. Don't make them feel like a failure even if they are doing badly. They need encouragement, and sound advice. Really sound advice. Because not everyone is good in the maths and sciences, and that I can guarantee, there is also a future in Art and the Arts.
I'm sure this is simple physics to understand. :)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Am still trying...
With all the goodies given to encourage marriage and children, I am wondering whether someone like me can be given help as well - government or divine help.
I'm happily married, I have a son. But I would really like to have more kids, but as I have always told well-intentioned relatives who kept asking when is the next one, I would just say my queue number is still not up yet. Or rather Allah has not decided to give me this extra rezeki for only He knows. For a more tongue-in-cheek replies, I would respond in the likes of my brother-in-law, 'the sperm swims backwards'. Yes, my sis and her hubby have not pro-create too for their own reasons that I know not of.
I was preggie with Afzal only one month after marriage, and now I wondered why it has taken that long to conceive a second one. Afzal is already 8 years old this year, and though we have tried since he was two years old (whether very hard or otherwise), it has not borne fruits. I've seen my gynae, and have gone for traditional uruts, and pop some herbal pills, and up to date, still no buns in the oven. We don't think we will ever consider IVF. We have conceived naturally before.
And the clock is ticking. I'm already past 35 - the age that I thought I should stop pro-creating. Am 36 this year, with hubby claiming 40 and the clock is still ticking.
We've talked about this. If we are still not having any, hubby seems contented to have just one. He does not want to reach retirement age and find that his kids are just entering preschool. However, I am still hopeful, and though cost of raising kids are high, I'm sure with His grace and blessings, everything will fall in place.
I'm still hopeful until perhaps before I reach 40...?
I'm happily married, I have a son. But I would really like to have more kids, but as I have always told well-intentioned relatives who kept asking when is the next one, I would just say my queue number is still not up yet. Or rather Allah has not decided to give me this extra rezeki for only He knows. For a more tongue-in-cheek replies, I would respond in the likes of my brother-in-law, 'the sperm swims backwards'. Yes, my sis and her hubby have not pro-create too for their own reasons that I know not of.
I was preggie with Afzal only one month after marriage, and now I wondered why it has taken that long to conceive a second one. Afzal is already 8 years old this year, and though we have tried since he was two years old (whether very hard or otherwise), it has not borne fruits. I've seen my gynae, and have gone for traditional uruts, and pop some herbal pills, and up to date, still no buns in the oven. We don't think we will ever consider IVF. We have conceived naturally before.
And the clock is ticking. I'm already past 35 - the age that I thought I should stop pro-creating. Am 36 this year, with hubby claiming 40 and the clock is still ticking.
We've talked about this. If we are still not having any, hubby seems contented to have just one. He does not want to reach retirement age and find that his kids are just entering preschool. However, I am still hopeful, and though cost of raising kids are high, I'm sure with His grace and blessings, everything will fall in place.
I'm still hopeful until perhaps before I reach 40...?
Ayat-Ayat Cinta
Hubby and I watched the DVD last weekend, and lo and behold, hubby tearied during the hospital scene whereby Fahri was holding Maria's hand. [Was thinking to myself, sedih bangetke?, as usually hubby is not turn on by soappy stuff] However, I have to admit Fahri's acting (the cries), was really heartwrenching!"It was a realistic and a good movie." Hubby said at the end of it.
I did tear myself but because I was feeling more for Aishah, the self-sacrificing wife.
At night, during our pillowtalk, I told dear hubby, "When a woman gives consent to the husband to take a second wife, it is because she wants to make him happy and make the family happy, but that does not mean, she will be happy."
As usual, hubby's response is hmmm.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Mosque Building Fund
I don't mind giving to the mosque building fund, but if it just simply to beautify mosques but the mosques still remain unattractive to youth and the teaching pedagogy of the islamic classes is still not attractive to some others, I don't quite agree with having even a small portion of my income to this cause. I would prefer to give to "ilmu" - something that perhaps we cannot see with the naked eye because it is not physical, but it will benefit the community and our mankind in the long run.
I have had some feedback whereby mosque kindergartens are always in short of resources - materials for the children and classrooms and lack of trained teachers. Another grapevine I hear is that, which is of course without evidence, that kids that come from mosque kindergartens are not able to read as well.
I would rather give a portion of my income to enhance the resources of the mosque kindergartens and the skills of their teachers. But not merely to enlarge, rebuild and beautify mosques!
I have had some feedback whereby mosque kindergartens are always in short of resources - materials for the children and classrooms and lack of trained teachers. Another grapevine I hear is that, which is of course without evidence, that kids that come from mosque kindergartens are not able to read as well.
I would rather give a portion of my income to enhance the resources of the mosque kindergartens and the skills of their teachers. But not merely to enlarge, rebuild and beautify mosques!
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