I became an author

The year was 2015.

I became an author. 

I published my own novella, The Truth Seekers @ Haji Lane.

I co-authored two publications on business and entrepreneurship, Crowdsauce and The Entrepreneur Manisfesto. 

I became a curriculum/content developer and teacher trainer.

I learnt the ropes of the publishing industry. 

I registered a company: Ungu Pen

I do not have an elevator pitch for UP.

I'm still evolving. 

Oven Baked Korma

I'm not sure why my korma always taste good when it's oven-baked. You can cook as per the instruction on the House brand korma spices but I didn't put milk, santan or ghee. I added carrots and potatoes and oven-baked them for 45 mins. Yummy. 

Grill teriyaki chicken with capsicum

Just marinade the boneless chicken and grill :D 

Petola

Petola - soup and stir-fried

A vegetable that sits well with the hub. Things to remove or replace - the sotong ball. 

I've made the leap of faith

Today is Monday, and I had been clearing leave and will be clearing leave until my official last day at work this Thursday, 30 April 2015. 

Yes, I had made that leap of faith and I believed He will guide me, protect and provide for me and my family, and blessed our family with happiness and abundance in wealth and health. 

A new journey has begun. InshaAllah 

Bismillahirahmanirrahim... 

An Extraordinary Orang Besar

Who would have thought that I, in pink tudung and blue blouse that fateful Monday, would quietly make my way to the Istana. My office was barely one bus stop away, and as I made my way, I had good reasons to finally stop by the familiar florist shop and bought the five remaining white roses, and a lily.

As I queued in the sweltering hot sun, with beads of perspiration running under my tudung and drenching the neckline of my blouse, I wondered about my feelings for this man. Why was I here when I hardly know him personally? Why did I get the bouquet and waited in line to pen my condolences and pay my respect? What should I write? 

As my thoughts lingered, two journalists approached me. They were from two different Malaysian dailies. I was their target because I was a very visible tudung-wearing lady among the queue-ers! I agreed to be interviewed provided I could respond in English. I'm more coherent and eloquent when I spout English. Surprisingly, I heard my voice cracking and choking when I described this man and how much I appreciated what he had done for Singapore. Despite some of his tough policies, and the oft-times, I feel that he treated me like his stepchild or invisible child, I said to the journalist, 'look around you, we have peace, economic progress, stability...'. 

Once, when I was listening to his speech that was delivered in Moscow, he informed his listeners that Singapore is made up of Chinese and Indian. He forgot that I existed. That made me angry and mad, just like a child who is being ignored and sidelined by his dad. What would happen to an ignored and sidelined child? You go figure.

As a minority in Singapore, I cannot help but feel that some of his policies further exacerbate the divide between the haves-Chinese majority and the haves-not-Malay minority. When Malay issues are being magnified in all fronts, I can't help thinking that perhaps it is true that my community is an underachiever, underperformer and incompetent. If I have this notion, what about the others especially the majority population?

One small population tended to be constantly angry and felt that he and his political party shortchanged or marginalized them. The other bigger population may think that there are truths to the Malays being lazy and incompetent, and hence embraced and propagated these beliefs. When they hold onto these beliefs, given two individuals of the same academic standing, they will not choose a Malay. I had heard many times the reasons of choosing a Chinese over a minority - so and so has the same (Confucian) values as us, or so and so will be more hardworking or loyal. It is always not an issue if the office has more Chinese than the other races. But when an office has many competent Malays, suddenly you just have to hear someone saying things like 'why do we have so many Malays?' 'This is so geylang serai', 'we should not hire anymore Malays', 'next promotion will be a Chinese' or 'my kids will not pick up good English here'. And these are the verbalized ones. You wonder about other non-verbalized thoughts they may have of you. That is why I never believe in the idea of real meritocracy in Singapore. The execution on the ground is far from meritocratic. If only he knows...?

I have worked in Malaysia and funny thing is, I am still a minority. For as long as I'm not a bumiputra, I'm not one of them. In fact, I was being accused of stealing their rice bowl. 

So where does this place me? Having born and lived here, I make do and work around all those currents against me in Singapore. I have shifted my mindset to not care what these people think but at the same time realizing, my children and I had to work triply hard for the same things and for the better things in life. To be somewhere in life also depends on how well-connected you are and we know we are far from being well-connected and this has somewhat disadvantaged us. Knowing all these, I'm trying to ensure my children would be able to reap the benefits of all the many other great things he had done for Singapore as a nation. 

For all its worth, his philosophy of an ideal meritocracy is still there and I believed he meant well, though he may not be right all the time. I would disagree totally on his ideas on eugenics. That aside, there are many great qualities he had and that can be much emulated by us all - clear conviction, clarity of purpose, single-minded in putting nation before self, loving husband, caring papa, doting Ye Ye. He is a survivor, an innovator, a visionary leader and an extraordinary 'orang besar'. The accolades he received from international leaders speak volumes of the kind of person he was and testament to the impact he had made not only to Singapore but to the world. And for this,  I am blessed for Allah gave him to us, to Singapore - an Extraordinary Orang Besar.

Yes, I grieved in a quiet way with other Singaporeans. 

#RememberingLeeKuanYew

Outsourcing domesticity

Being a ftwm, and managing a household of 2 boys and a hubby on shift work, my sources of stress is self-inflicted.

I'm mentally drained after a full day at work. Even on Friday, it doesn't help when everything else at work is urgent and important to clear before Monday. 

Oh and I have not had a lived-in helper for the last 9 months, and that's a feat for me.

I'm terribly un-domesticated. I prepare breakfast and the occasional weekend meals. I do weekend laundry, clean the toilets, sweep (and maybe mop) the floor. I send the little one to weekend Islamic class and swimming class. I make sure I checked his communication book and if there is any school projects that are needed to be done in the weekend. I tried to iron their school uniforms if I could. I tried to catch up on conversations with my children but sometimes it sounds like 'business talk' rather than 'play talk'. Time is so limited and precious that in the end the conversations are all about practical things rather than about anything. All these are making my only weekends full of housework, full of fatigue and full of frustrations and grumpiness. Sigh.

I'm not trying to complain but trying to put things into perspective. I'm trying to reflect on my life and weigh the things that's important, least important and totally unimportant. 

As a ftwm or any mom, having additional help is always great. All we want is a simple temporary life that could be savoured with sanity. And have the time to smell the coffee and roses, read, and wonder, soak in the sun & fun...

It's good that the Indonesian minister, due to dignity, do not want to send their women overseas as maids. I applaud his move but rather seeing it from just the dignity angle, I hope he has a masterplan to train and provide domestic jobs that uplift their lives and dignity. 

For families like me who wish not to have a lived-in helper, sad to say that we also need a lot more cash to outsource the mundane tasks. 

An integrated under-one-roof hub but operated by different agencies or business owners might help working parents like me.

A hub that contains the following:

-infant care & child care

-kindergarten

-nearby primary schools

-before and after school care

-active seniors club who can assist in ferrying children to and from primary school

-babysitting for those in kindys or odd hours

-breakfast takeaways

-dinner tingkat

-laundry and ironing service

-frozen foods for the weekends

-part-time home help 

-supermarket 

Etc

And would be good if companies can be more family friendly without making the employee feels bad about not taking his or her laptop home for the weekend.

2015... Mid-Life Reinvention

More than a year has passed since our umrah, and I really missed being there. It may seemed irrational and weird, but one of the ways that I overcame this feelings of 'missing', 'taqwa', 'taubat' and 'love' is through watching the Makkah scenes of the Malaysian drama Adam Dan Hawa.

Adam Dan Hawa is fictional but the portrayal and the emotions it evoke resonate within me. 

Dear Allah, please guide me in making the best decision for me and my family without compromising on the quality of our life - physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually. You have given me many signs and yet I deliberated and procrastinated. 

For that, please forgive me, please have mercy on me, please strengthen my faith and my actions to be closer to you. Amin YRA.