Memory booster for your kids with rosemary essential oil

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I love to roast – especially my all time favourite rosemary chicken that hubby and Afzal simply love to the bone bits. In fact, it is an easy weekend treat, but also a great platter for welcoming and entertaining guests. I love the aroma and the taste of the rosemary herb. It has a wonderful depth of aroma and taste, but also very bright, uplifting and almost sweet.

Now the great part is, rosemary essential oil is also known to strengthen one’s mental capacity. It has a pronounced effect on the brain, as it helps to increase blood flow. Therefore, it has a reputation as an excellent brain stimulant as well as boosting memory. Further, it also helps with headaches, migraines, neuralgia, mental fatigue and nervous exhaustion. Since it increases the circulation to the scalp, it is also very good in promoting hair growth.

Because of its skin regenerative properties, rosemary essential oil is also used in some skincare products for troubled skin like puffiness, swelling, acne, dermatitis and eczema. However, it is noted that it should not be used during pregnancy and unsuitable for people with epilepsy and high blood pressure.

Rosemary essential oil blends particularly well with Cedarwood, Citronella, Geranium, Lavender, Lemongrass and Peppermint.

With such memory enhancement properties, I’m sure a little dose of this essential oil while your child is studying, reading or doing mental arithmetic will help to improve your kids’ mental capacity. That aside, I’m sure it will also provide a nice, warm and pleasing environment for learning. Wouldn’t you want that for your children?

Now, for only 7 days, I'm offering a 100ml rosemary essential oil for only S$60. Retail is usually between S$18.50 to $S20.50 for a 10ml bottle. Imagine, the average savings of about S$130! You wouldn't want to miss this special.

Other essential oils I have to offer is country rose, lavender, ginger and lemongrass blends, lemongrass, grapefruit and sweet orange.

Free delivery within Singapore. Submit your orders to mariaandtahir@gmail.com. Orders will be processed once a fund transfer of 50% has been made to one of the following account:
DBS: 029-0-028080 POSB: 084-87540-6 OCBC: 553-0-055416

Balance of 50% will be cash on delivery. Once you have made a fund transfer, please email mariaandtahir@gmail.com or sms to 8102-8487. This offer is good up to 24 June 2010. So hurry, don’t miss this opportunity! Only S$60 for a 100ml bottle!

Genius in the making

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I've blogged about Glenn Doman before, and am using some of its methods now, though not fervently. I have also purchased the encyclopaedic materials from The Institute of Human Potential from the US, and that sets me back by a hefty hundred dollars. Recently, however, I've discovered the GeniusMaker which is a downloadable software that has words, pictures, dot cards and more. It is a flashcard programme similar to Glenn Doman, and perhaps the Shichida method if you have heard of him.

Truth be told, I don't quite appreciate the Shichida method as compared to Glenn Doman. This was because when I went to the Shichida parent seminar about 8 years ago when Afzal was about 2 years old, I was quite put off by some remarks and comments made by the lady owner who brought Shichida to Singapore. And besides, I am wary of methods that used some form of hypnosis in wanting to reprogram your child's brain. Some Shichida parents may not agree with me but there would also be other parents who don't quite agree with the flashcard program.

I do believe that flashcard program works, as I know of people who have used the Glenn Doman methods, and their children's success are testimony that Glenn Doman works. However, in raising our children to be gifted and geniuses, we have to incorporate other creative strategies in nurturing our kids. And to me, flashcard is just one of the many workable methods or tools in nurturing our young kids.

I have not bought the GeniusMaker but I am wondering whether I should cos it is very affordable and will be a good investment for Aqil and perhaps more bubs in the future. I'm sure it takes away the many hours of trying and struggling to make some of the resources myself, and these self-made resources may not come cheap. This software is also usable in the school environment, so if anyone has a preschool, the GeniusMaker could be one of the tools used in the preschools, and I really hope that our Malay/Muslim based preschools might consider using this software as well.

Click here to find more about the GeniusMaker.

I need time management!

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My firstborn is 10 years old this year, and he is mid-way into his primary four education (aka grade 4).

Since he is out of the zero to nine years age range, the age range of 'early childhood', well, I can safely say that Afzal is into his middle childhood. Now, what does that mean?

It just mean one thing for me. His mathematics subject is getting harder, and it is definitely a steeper learning curve this year, not only for him but for me. On top of the mathematics, there's the science that is a lot more demanding this year.

The problem sums are getting more complicated, and there are layers of layers of problems to solve before you even arrive to the actual answer that the question wants. My speciality has always been early childhood maths, and now I realize  that I am not as productive as I could be in assisting him with this middle-hood maths.

I have reliquished my teaching role to the hubby, partly maths is getting a bit too complicated for me. It has been less fun to teach without using manipulatives and hands-on materials, because at primary four, there's very little creativity involved in the teaching. Maybe I have not researched enough how to solve the problem sums more creatively.

And partly we have an addition to the family, our 2nd born son. As a growing baby, Aqil needs attention, and at 6 months, he already knows whose attention he wants to seek. ;P And now I am re-starting my early childhood strategies cycle once again this time on Aqil.

It's going to be an exciting ride ahead! With the trials that Afzal had gone through with me, I definitely have a better idea of what, how, why, and when to do things with Aqil, I surely hope so. But one thing that I have to remember is that every child is different, but every child has the potential to learn anything and everything. And in order for Aqil to maximise learning, it really depends on me as the parent to nurture and harness his capacity. However, it is always so easy to get sidetracked and distracted with the daily grind of life.

As a working mother who only wants the best for her kids and our lives ahead, I have to keep reminding myself that my children are only young once. If I missed that moment, that opportunity, that milestone, it will never, ever come back to me. So, this reminder is for me to spend my time wisely with my children. Time management! is key to my sanity as a working mum!

Moving again

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It's been two years. And it's time to move again.

Property prices are really on the rise, but compared to the same time two years ago, the price then was really mad. It was sky-high! Now, we can see rentals that are lower than what we are paying for the same square feet. And since we are waiting for our own - yes OWN abode to be ready in 2 years time, we decided to move to a more reasonable rental unit, to save some of the money for our future furnishings and reno.

So the search is on, and mind you, I - really am tired. It's mind boggling negotiating deals, because the hubby will only say what he wants but would not do the searching, the shorlisting, the calling and the negotiating. Sometimes I'm really mad at his irrational choices, but because he is the hubby and would go into the 'black-face' mode when I questioned his irrational reasoning, I decided for my own sanity just to go ahead with his decision. And he jolly well know that at times he is paying for his bad decision-making skills.

Enough ranting about the other half, but I can't help it. I have some viewing to do tomorrow and I will go without him cos he is working. I can't wait for him to be off on weekends as weekends are the time that more units are available for viewing.

In 2005, when we were in the States, we rent out our executive apartment in Jurong which was only going at $1150. Now for the same unit, it can go as high as $2700! Can you imagine the prices we are paying now? And yet the rise in our salaries does not match the cost of living in Singapore.

The Beauty of Mathematics

As I was chatting with Adib's sister, H, and was tinkering with the idea of a mommy's meet up to chat about good parenting on our kids, she mentioned that her brother, Adib is in town, and would be glad to contribute to the Malay community. Carpe Diem! So, the next thing I know, together with a colleague of mine who was a former Mendaki staff, we arranged and managed to get Mendaki's fast response and agreement to have Adib share about the beauty of mathematics with Mendaki tuition kids at Damai Primary School on 23 January 2010.



Adib shared his love for mathematics, and why and how he sees patterns and art in mathematics, all the more making the subject less numeric but more creative should I say. And to top it all, his parents has also kindly agreed to share their parenting tips with parents of the Mendaki tuition kids.



For more photos, click here.

Professionalizing the teachers

I saw the Malay news last night and read in Berita Harian this morning about the graduation of 24 madrasah teachers who have completed a professional diploma degree in education at NIE. MUIS, or the Islamic Council of Singapore, invested in these asatizahs so they are better equip and better able to teach their students using current pedagogy. As we all know, the madrasahs have to attain a certain standard in the PSLE exams for their students in order to continue its operations, and therefore an important aspect to achieving this is the professional development of its teaching personnel.

There you go, syabas MUIS for the investment! Mr Alami Musa, who is the head of MUIS, believes that pedagogy in the education sector is very dynamic and continually changing, and this professional development has to continually continue. And I totally agree with this.

May I suggest if MUIS could also look into the professional development of its preschool teachers in the mosque-based kindys? I know that MCYS is accountable to this, but I'm sure we want to do more to help our children attain better in education and maths, and one way is to invest in its teaching personnel in the preschools with current early childhood pedagogy especially in the area of mathematics. We have to start earlier and younger, right?

The T & T of things

A aquaintance once told me about what her teacher friend remarked, "I teach 40 kids in school but I neglect my own children."

And the reason given for the above neglect is that "teaching is a demanding job". This is because it is not true teachers only work from 7am - 2pm but definitely longer than that and it is not true that teachers can take on long holidays during the school holidays, they still have to come to school for meetings, plannings and so on.

It seems oxymoron when a teacher who is also a parent cannot even teach her own children. There are many other working parents out there, who are juggling work and parenthood, some with equally demanding careers if not more. If we could readily point fingers at some parents for our children underperformance in education, what can we say about parents who are teachers, and who are supposedly having the skills to teach. Now, the teacher parent says, "it is not the same teaching your own kids and other people's kids." But of course, this is only one example that I came across. Most of my teacher friends have well-educated children.

Are we to blame all parents for our Malay children low performance in mathematics, or at least analyse another possible cause - ie. the missing algebra - teachers and their teaching instruction, the T & T of things.

When I had to choose a primary school for my kid, I met with the principal of my intended school, and his first question is "Is your child able to read?" He went on to say that if your child is not reading by the time he comes to my school, he will struggle.

Now, now, now, what is he hinting at? What is the purpose of going to school, in the first place? Isn't it to give my child an education?

A colleague who is a professor said that "it is to get educated", and I do agree. But in real life and in Singapore's schools, we want children who come to primary one to be school-ready, to be well-prepared and are less forgiving if the child comes to school not knowing his ABCs and 123s.

The role of schools these days is not of educating the child, it seems, but of making the life of teachers easier teaching well-prepared kids and the status of the principals elevated because their students are achieving better all because some parents have fully prepared and educated their children at home, or paying exorbitant fees to private operators for pre-primary preparatory programs. But not all parents can afford the fees. And for some parents, who is like the teacher above, do at times find it a struggle to be working and then coming home and teaching their own kids. Now, if she, an educated parent, because she is a trained teacher but also has problems nurturing her own children, how do you make sense of all other parents especially those who are low income, low education, untrained in teacher training, lack many skills - parenting included, lack know-how to teach their children and/or struggling to make ends meet? Don't these parents find it a bigger struggle to teach their children at home?

Children in Finland attend school only at age 7 but they are ahead in Singapore as the top performing school systems in the world and the reason being, Finland recruit only the top 10% of graduates as compared to 30% in Singapore to become teachers and most have a master qualification (McKinsey,2007). The status of teaching and teacher is equitable to that of a doctor or lawyer and therefore qualified personnel are willing and want to be teachers in Finland.

I believe MOE and NIE are working towards growing a bigger pool of master-qualified teachers in years to come, but I'm more concerned about our preschools - the Malay- and mosque-based typed which I can safely say have very few highly qualified T and T. I do wonder what are the criterias for teacher recruitment and selection in our Malay- and mosque-based kindys as well as the teaching instructions in these schools?

We need quality and qualified teachers/principals in our preschools. We need teachers who think about their teaching - having the right skills and metacognition in teaching the right pedagogy of early childhood maths. And as much as we feel that our Malay children feel lowly and anxious about doing maths, do our preschool teachers also feel the same way when they teach maths? Do our teachers have maths-anxiety when it comes to teaching maths?

I recommend reading Constance Kamii Teachers need more knowledge of how children learn maths and many of her articles about how the young minds process numbers and think about numbers, and how teachers (or parents) should try to understand the way our young process maths and number, and therefore teachers need the skills, knowledge, pedagogy and metacognition of mathematical learning and thinking. And I have to reiterate this, as most community leaders think that maths is about practice, practice, practice but in the early years, it's about logical thinking. And Constance Kamii clearly expound teachers nurturing logical thinking to their students. How is it done? Well, teachers, you need to read to find out!

Solving Maths Problems: The Confidence Factor by Ng Swee Fong believes that teachers' confidence factor in maths will also influence the way they teach mathematics. If teachers themselves express high anxiety in solving maths, they may be doing a disservice to their students. Though the research is with primary teachers, it is applicable to all teachers. If some primary teachers have confidence issues, what's more preschool teachers - trained or untrained in early childhood education? What's more parents - with high education or low - since most of us are not trained teachers in the first place.

Another paper of interest to our community leaders should be the following "Do Chinese and Malay students report different ways of studying mathematics?" and therefore, if there are different ways of studying, should teachers have different ways and strategies of teaching the maths espcially if the Chinese kids get it, and the Malay kids don't. When the Malay kids don't, can we stop to think that perhaps we need to teach another way so that they get it. Again, T and T?

Get it?

Of "idols" and nurturing giftedness

Once upon a time, a parent told me that she thought her child is bad at mathematics, but his cousins, who could not solve the same problems, are in fact worst off than him. In that sense, she said, my child is not so bad after all.

Well, that's not much of a role model to be comparing with. In this family of low-attainers, where bright sparks do not run even in their closest relations, they don't get much inspiration and aspiration to succeed. With no role models to emulate, they don't even think that their children can be smart like other children. To this family, the smarts are the others, it could not be them.

Now, can we nurture a child to be smart, bright and of course, gifted? Or is giftedness a gift from God, and that a child's intelligence is predestined by the time he or she is born?

We all know the old adage that a child is like a white canvas and it is up to the parents to colour it. Colour it right, and you'll get a masterpiece. The problem is not all parents are great painters, but even if we are not great painters, we can create abstract art, isn't it? Abstract art is subjective, it may not be of value to one collector but it could fetch millions for another.


The "idol" number 2 that I'd like to introduce is Natasha Nabila. At the end of 2007's PSLE results, Natasha is a top PSLE scorer. She is also the nation's first student who held such an outstanding score of 294, short of 6 to make it a perfect score in PSLE's 17 year history. Natasha is Malay, and her success has made the Malay community very proud. We should make Natasha a great role model for our children.

Is Natasha naturally gifted or are there some things that her parents have done to nurture her giftedness? Perhaps, Natasha may have the smart genes, but her "A" level parents also gave her a headstart.

When her mother was pregnant with Natasha, she and her husband read fairy tale every night to unborn Natasha.

At 3 months old, her parents bought her an encyclopaedia. Even if Natasha cannot read, I'm sure her parents are reading the encyclopaedia to her.

At 2 years old, Natasha is already reading on her own.

And Natasha also plays the piano and violin and is in her primary school's Scrabble Club. This Gifted Education Programme student cited consistent work and love for reading as secrets of her success. Natasha also has good time management and a supportive home environment. Her mother, Zaharah Othman will switch off the tv when it is time to study, and they have special time dedicate just for reading which is usually before bedtime.

Even if Natasha is naturally gifted, her parents nurture her giftedness such that she achieved unprecedented performance in the PSLE's exams.

My 'idol' number 3 is Ainan Cawley, who at age 6 has taken his Chemistry exams at 'O' level, and is simply a genius at the subject. This child prodigy of mixed Malay and British parentage is unmistakably naturally gifted, but his parents do not simply let him be. They still strive to nurture his natural and exceptional abilities in the sciences and at the same time create the environment and opportunities to further hone his gifts.

Aren't we inspired by these 'idols' in our community? Don't we want to emulate them - the kids and the parents? Don't we want to nurture our own children to giftedness? Don't we want our own 'blood idols'?

Rather than think we can't, or the smarts are the others, we should think we can, and that our children can be one of the smarts. After all, trying something and persevering is better than not doing anything. Even if our child may not be academically gifted, he or she may be gifted in other areas, and we hope that he or she will be brilliant enough to sail smoothly through school and life, with some heardstart from us, parents.

We need "Idols"

... not of the Singapore or American Idol singing sensation type but "idols" or role models of successful Malays that our young children can look up to and emulate. So here is one "idol" or role model I'd like to introduce to inspire our children and our Malay community, and I hope he and his family do not mind the sharing. It is meant for a good cause.

Photo by Michael Clayton-Jones taken from this site.











A Berita Harian commentator mentioned him in his article as "Duta" (ambassador) for maths, but there was no profile of who or what this person pictured above is all about.

At the time the picture was taken in 2005, Adib Surani was only 17 years old but he was the top student in the whole of Victoria, Australia. Adib Surani is Malay, Muslim and hailed from Singapore. The Age, an Australian paper regarded him as a Maths whiz, and that he is one of the top brains in maths in Australia for a child his age. Currently he is an undergrad with the University of Melbourne majoring in pure mathematics.

While in Singapore, Adib attended Raffles Institution. You may think that he is naturally and highly gifted, but I also believe that it is nurture that help him achieve remarkable performance in maths. What little I know about his family is that his parents, pious and God-fearing, also practice Glenn Doman on their children.

Just google Glenn Doman, and you can read about him and his methods of teaching children. In fact, there are various Singapore websites dedicated to parents who practice GD, and other methods on their children.

I was first introduced to Glenn Doman about ten years back when a colleague at that time, Encik AR lend me the book "How to multiply your baby's intelligence" by Glenn Doman. He said it really worked because his wife, late Aunty Z, who is a homemaker, practiced GD on their only son, and their son is a scholar with an Ivy League university.

Another Malay/ Muslim family I met about five years back also practice GD on their children. Their eldest daughter is a PhD holder, and one of their sons at that time was in a gifted education programme with Rosyth School.

There are other methods in teaching our young effectively not only GD, but I am introducing GD because of what I have seen happening to some families like Adib who practices them. GD can be hardwork for the parents but if one perseveres, the rewards though not seen immediately will bear fruits later.

Though I was introduced to GD, I did not persevere and practice it fervently as at the time my first son was born, I was a working mother who work erratic hours and I simply could not do the three times a day flashing of cards, though I made some of the cards myself. However I improvised, and played some flashcard games with my son during the weekends with him. My method was not GD, but sort of GD-like. As parents, we have to get creative in teaching our children since I cannot follow through the strict principles behind GD.

My son is not in the gifted education programme but at primary four, I think he is doing alright in his studies and we keep working with him on his maths and other subjects.

Now, my question is, if GD methods really work, and could potentially benefit some families, why not "Glenn Domanised" some of our education programme for our community? If not all, perhaps our preschools could also use some of GD methods in their curriculum.

We should have workshops and seminars for parents on GD on a large scale. We should purchase or make the materials to be used for our "at risk of failing" families. We should do it now, and we should get parents to prepare even when their child is in the womb.

The revolution has to start now! Just look at Adib. I'm sure we want success stories like him.

Tossing and sleeping...

At about 29/30 weeks of my pregnancy, I'm feeling tired and extremely sleepy all the time. Apart from tossing between the two books - one on baby, the other on Islam and religion, I could barely digest both of them. The thing is eventhough on days that I am not fasting, I still wake up for sahur, for the sake of hubby and Afzal. After sahur and solat subuh, I zonked back on bed, if it's even for half hour just to catch up on much needed sleep eventhough I had gone to bed at 8.30 pm the night before. When I woke up, I felt like I could still go on sleeping. My shoulder is aching, and my hands and feet felt like they are in need of some kneading and moulding.

I wish my baby in my tummy is having a good night sleep too cos if he is not sleeping right, I don't know if he is sleeping tight, and I don't want his sleeplessness to affect us later.

This Ramadan, I have been struggling with my fasting, not because I cannot 'tahan' but because I fear that baby will be underweight and that I'll get another scolding from the gynae. Afzal, on the other hand, has been very good with his fasting and solat, Alhamdullillah. I'm really proud that he has been doing his solat eventhough when we were not at home to monitor him.

Eventhough it is a one week school break, Afzal still goes to school for 3 days for his conversational Mandarin lessons, and when asked what he learnt, he conveniently said he forgets. But yesterday evening, he was spouting, "wa sher ma lai ren" (I am Malay). Other than that, we gave him his Nintendo game to play with apart from his fixation with facebook and computer-related games. He has also told me to print some primary four maths problem sums. He wants to try and attempt some of it. I think he is doing rather ok with his maths, but his other subjects could further improve.

With hari raya coming, I have not done anything yet. Except for some cookies that we bought at Simpang Rengam, Johor, I have not bought other stuffs. No baju raya for me this year, as I will not fit into one and hubby has also decided to just dorn some previous years' raya outfits. Only Afzal will have a new baju kurung this year. I have also not bought the cookie containers, not gotten a mattress for the Queen size bed in the other room, not packed my bag for the hospital, not bought any baby's stuff, not even think about what to cook for raya.

I'm totally zombied this year.

For my Father on father's day

Father's day is often so underrated compared to any other occasions. Maybe because men are less likely to remember or celebrate events.

My father, whom I affectionately call Father, is one who does not bother about such events. But sometimes he is a funny guy. Eventhough Father claims that 16th March, which is his birthday is not in the calendar, he will keep reminding us about it that we will always remember. Coincidently, there are three March babies in the family, and his birthdate coincides with my brother-in-law. So despite 16th March not being in the calendar, it has been celebrated with quite vigour.

Anyway, Father is flying to Perth this Saturday to visit my sister in her new city, so he will not be celebrating father's day wth us.

As compared to Mak who is the organiser and the budgeter (you can call Mak - minister for home affairs, finance etc) Father is the lepak King. Well, maybe he is tired, having been the sole breadwinner for 7 of us for the whole of his working life. At the same time, Father has corny humour and jokes that you would probably crinched at instead of laugh and somehow I have a strange feeling that my son is picking up that humour.

One thing about Father is that, eventhough he is strict, he is not very strict. Well, at least I think he gave me opportunities to be independent and do whatever I want. Maybe he knows that I know my limits. Eventhough I am a girl, I've never felt that Father treated me less equally than boys. Father has given me opportunities to travel alone on the aeroplane since I was 15 as far as to London. Maybe he knows that a relative will be waiting for me on the other land. He has also given me opportunities to travel to Perth, Melbourne, Christchurch as well as my Europe tour with close friends, of course on my own account but free airline tickets from him. Father is one of the pioneers with SATS.

When I wanted to resign from my producer job in Singapore because of an offer in Kuala Lumpur, Father was very supportive. Mak was concerned. She was concerned that I already had a good job here and that living in KL alone may not be such a good idea. Father told me that even if it didn't work out in KL, come back and he can still support me my basic needs. I went to KL, worked and came back. Father and mak were always there for me, in times of good and bad.

From another perspective, Father is also a very relaxed person. He would rather chill out on his bed or on mak's tasty snacks than be involved in entanglements with relatives. But I also know that he has a very sensitive soul at times.

My Father does not have a large family. Besides his late parents, he has only one elder sister who has since departed. When his own dad left his mom, she was the only person that he is affectionate with. I remembered visiting my late grandmother's grave (my Father's mom) about two or three years back and Father would talk about his mom affectionately to us with glistening eyes.

When I first got married, he even suggested to me and my husband to find an apartment in the same block so that he says, "we can always come for dinner, and that he can always look out for our kids," also with glistening eyes. We were touch by his gesture for us to be close but some decisions had to be made about our own home. Eventhough we were not in the same block, but we were never far from each other's heart.

Father has never insisted that I have to follow tradition but I know he values basic Islamic values that are not peppered with culture. He also value simple things like respect, love, humility and good company. But most importantly, he values his own family - us - a lot.

To Father, have a happy, happy father's day in Perth. May you have good health and a good life ahead of you. May Allah bless your every deed, and though I may not be able to repay you for everything that you have done for me, I am eternally grateful for you are my Father. And do remember, another soon-to-be-cucu is waiting for you here ...

Of mak and motherhood...

At 24, when most of my mates were tying the knot, I never had a real boyfriend.

At 25, when they started having their firstborn, my mak was worried - worried that I would never find a boyfriend, let alone a husband.

At 26, I told myself that I’ll resign to being matched if I’m still single by the time I reached 30. I guess it didn’t happen – the matchmaking that is.

I tied the knot at 27.

It was all happening so fast, and before I knew it, I was pregnant within the first month of my marriage. It was not gelojoh, as some may think, but it was my clueless attempt at using the rhythm method.

My pregnancy was not smooth sailing. The nausea that came in the evenings after work went on for nearly 80% of the 9 months I was carrying my firstborn. My energy level dived to minus degrees, and my zest for work and life was almost non-existent. My vomiting bouts made me sick and lethargic, and I was down with fever, flu and cough. I never knew pregnancy was going to make me this ‘sickly’, and I wondered how our mothers and their mothers before them did it, especially when they had many children of their own to create a football team.

Before my baby was born, I promised to breastfeed, as it has been hailed as the best thing that a mum can give her child. There are so many benefits of breastfeeding that I had read up, and even though I came across words like ‘engorgement’, it didn’t mean much until it happened to me. No one told me that breastfeeding was going to be an uphill task. The engorgement left me so sore and helplessly in pain. My baby's inability to latch or my inability to make him suck makes me felt like a failure. He was crying, and I was helpless. It was so difficult and trying. I cried. I was depressed within the first two weeks of having my first son.

It didn’t help that my baby had long crying bouts at night. He was not colic, and not even mak knew what was wrong with him. It drove everyone in the house crazy. We were sleepless with his every 15 minutes of wakefulness and constant crying. It gave hubby and me migraine from the lack of sleep. At one time, my husband nearly shook our baby and shouted at him. I was shocked at our inabilities, incapacities. It left me stoned and zombied and I was feeling how unfit we were as parents, how useless I was as a mother.

After two months at my parents’ place, we moved to our new home, hoping to start a new life. But I felt alone when hubby went to work, eventhough baby was with me. When my baby cried non-stop, and no amount of coaxing could stop him, again I felt distressed and helpless. I called mak and cried over the phone. I didn’t know what was wrong with him, and I didn’t know what to do.

After I talked to mak, I managed to calm my dear baby down, and started to calm myself down too. I called mak and told her that she did not have to come to see me. But mak and father assured me that they will visit me the next day. They did. As much as they were bewildered at first, they were also amused at what a goondu I was at something so naturally simple. Is motherhood really naturally instinctive? If it is, I do not have the genetic make-up for this.

That first hari raya with baby, as I salam my mak to kiss her hand, I caught everyone by surprise, even myself. I cried in front of mak and told her how much this whole experience taught me about mak’s experiences of being a mother and motherhood. It made me feel truly appreciative of the experiences my mak must have gone through when she was having me and all her other children. I guess you never knew how it really feel and must have felt unless you go through it yourself, experiencing all the myriad of emotions that came with being pregnant and having a child. I am blessed to have gone through it because I feel that I will be arrogant and emotionless of the feelings of a mum – struggling to manage her children and her life if I had not become a mom myself. It was truly, truly humbling and no words can describe my feelings of motherhood, and the connection with what mak might have gone through. No matter how old I am, I knew I will always be her baby because I am always in need of her wisdom, her strength, her determination, her love, her stoicness and so much more.

To mak, “Happy mother’s day, thank you for everything. I will always love you.”

A beautiful gift

I was 37 two days ago. Short of three that makes me 40. Looks like a big number eh?

But I'm happy, I supposed. Happy to be older and wiser, and as a cousin reminded me, I'm another year closer to the graveyard. Somehow, that did not give me the chill, but a nice reminder to me to be good, and do good to what could possibly be left of my time on earth.

I had a good meal with my dearest hubby and favourite son at Carousel. I used to be able to eat till I'm full but I just can't that evening. Perhaps I am happy with the company, and I am full of love given to me by the very people I care and love very much.I'm blessed.

I'm further blessed that He had bestowed me a beautiful gift - for me and my family. We are happy, we are contented, and we continually seek his blessings for the beautiful gift.

The gift of which we will announce in due course...

"oh my kids don't speak Malay"

I do wonder why some parents are proud of the fact that their children are not able to speak their mother tongue well. My son's ability in his written assessment and communication to his grandparents in Malay is a long way to go in being near native, but I know he will get by. I know I can do more to get him to speak Malay "like water" as in fluently and I would be a shame for myself to know of a non-Malay who could even do higher mother tongue. But when I hear remarks by some other Malay parents who seem to gloat when they say, "oh my kids don't speak/understand Malay," it's like as if they are ashamed of their own language. I do wonder the pride they have in being monolingual. Wouldn't it be advantageous to be bilingual? And especially so if it's in your native tongue? So here's a little story of a mother mouse and her mice. I hope it will make those parents think before they say those words above.

A mother mouse was with her litter of mice when they bumped into a fearsome looking cat. Immediately the little mice hid behind her in terror. Mother mouse, with all her might, tried to look strong and stare straightly at the big terrifying cat. Though her heart was beating really fast and beads of perspiration was running down her hair, she stared at the Cat with piercing eyes and then she shouted in her loudest voice, "Woof, woof!" The cat, thinking there was a dog behind her ran away as fast as it could.

The little mice were so proud of their mother and her fast thinking as they think that they couldn't have done what their mother did. So this is what their mother said,"It's always good to know a second language."

Seeking His blessings

It was a major wake up call…

Things that you thought would never happen to you or your family, and then it did.

I must have been deep in my slumber, too tired for my own good, only to realize how late I was.

But I believe, that if anyone is sincere in seeking the truth, he will find the truth, whether in the Quran or the Bible or the Torah. May his heart is sincere in seeking the truth, and that he finds it, and leads all of us to the truth.

I read the first chapter of the holy Al-Quran with its English translation, and Al-Fatihah has never meant so beautiful and so inspiring to me until now. It feeds my almost empty soul. By reciting the Al-Fatihah with much understanding, I now know what is that I’m asking for from my one and only Lord.

***

There were many times that I felt the unfairness of life, and especially when it impacts my personal life. There were many moments that I felt I could have it better, or even questioned why others have it easier or better than me? But I forget, there are many others who have it much worst than me. I forget the blessings that He has bestowed on me. Whether it took only a second for him to answer my prayer, or nine years, He had and will answer my prayers, but if only I did not forget to prostrate five times a day to him. I have been so forgetful, buried in my own ignorant, so how can I deserve the blessings that I am seeking from Him. But I know He has given me so much more than I could ask for, and I keep asking and asking from Him.

***

Beautiful Ramadan is calling, beautiful Ramadan is coming, and I can’t wait…I can’t wait for syaitan to be chained, and I can’t wait to perform my terawih which I had done for the first time only in the last Ramadan. It was soul-filling. I seek that He gives me strength and energy to do it again. May Ramadan brings more blessings to all of us, and may He fulfilled all our prayers especially the prayers of our mothers and mothers alike...Ameen.

Am still trying...

With all the goodies given to encourage marriage and children, I am wondering whether someone like me can be given help as well - government or divine help.

I'm happily married, I have a son. But I would really like to have more kids, but as I have always told well-intentioned relatives who kept asking when is the next one, I would just say my queue number is still not up yet. Or rather Allah has not decided to give me this extra rezeki for only He knows. For a more tongue-in-cheek replies, I would respond in the likes of my brother-in-law, 'the sperm swims backwards'. Yes, my sis and her hubby have not pro-create too for their own reasons that I know not of.

I was preggie with Afzal only one month after marriage, and now I wondered why it has taken that long to conceive a second one. Afzal is already 8 years old this year, and though we have tried since he was two years old (whether very hard or otherwise), it has not borne fruits. I've seen my gynae, and have gone for traditional uruts, and pop some herbal pills, and up to date, still no buns in the oven. We don't think we will ever consider IVF. We have conceived naturally before.

And the clock is ticking. I'm already past 35 - the age that I thought I should stop pro-creating. Am 36 this year, with hubby claiming 40 and the clock is still ticking.

We've talked about this. If we are still not having any, hubby seems contented to have just one. He does not want to reach retirement age and find that his kids are just entering preschool. However, I am still hopeful, and though cost of raising kids are high, I'm sure with His grace and blessings, everything will fall in place.

I'm still hopeful until perhaps before I reach 40...?

Change is a good thing...

We have moved...to a bigger, brighter and breezier place. Though pricier than before, it is still less than what the previous landlord was asking for.

Yet to find the time to enjoy the facilities as I'm still unpacking but will promise myself to do so, I have to do so!

I really need a real break...

Embrace change...for whatever it is.

The life of Uncle

My uncle committed suicide last year. He jumped from a flat.

"He must have been very depressed." Mom said. Her voice was calm over the phone but I could detect her flinching nerves.

I was quiet, unsure of what to say. Then I asked, "How did everyone take it?"

"Your Ah Por was crying. Aunty Nanz also cried..." Mom's voice started to crack.

She told me that her sister will contact her once the body can be brought home. I just told her to keep me in the loop, and if she needed me to send her to any place, just let me know. In the meantime, I told her to take care of herself. I was not sure whether I should ask her to pray for him, but I guess it's ok to wish for something good for someone who had passed on eventhough you are not sure whether your prayers to the deceased will do any good, in this case.

Life really took a turn for uncle, the youngest and only son of four siblings. The son who would have carried his family's surname, and who would be the most important person to attend to his parents' funeral. But this was not to be.

When I was young, I knew him to be a well-established person, at least from my mom's description of him. Groomed and endowed in his pockets and wallets, he was generous with his ang pows whenever we met during that once a year Chinese new year. Eventhough he drove a taxi, he was also helping another of his relative in the money-lending industry. They are legal money lenders, not loan sharks. He was also into doing business, one of which was opening a store selling video games in the heartlands. Thus, driving a cab was just a hobby. He enjoyed the 'high life' too - life in karaoke lounges.

He fell in love with a woman, much to some disapprovement of family members. But it just goes to show he has a big heart. The woman was mute. They were blessed with two daughters.

Fast forward many years later, in which we did not really keep in touch with the going-ons in his lives, we heard news that he had taken a second wife. But the marriage and everything associated with it was hazy.

The woman was Malay. They met at a karaoke lounge where she was working. They married in Thailand (or some other remote places). He had converted to Islam. He was called Atan by his Malay in-laws but it was probably an extension of his Chinese surname - Tan. Again, many disapproved of this marriage believing that the woman was only after his wealth, and nothing else. Her - being Malay was not an issue for the family, perhaps because, their daughter who is my mom was given away by them when she was a baby to be adopted by a Malay/Muslim.

He did not divorce his Chinese wife, but had left her to be with his Malay wife. Again, he was blessed with two daughters with his Malay wife.

Then, things just spiralled down. Mom would get snippets of going-ons in his lives whenever we visited Ah Por for Chinese new year. Every year, something major would happen.

- Second wife wanted a divorce, but then they got back again.
- His elder daughter from his first marriage got pregnant out of wedlock. But it was a non-issue, as she got married to her boyfriend. Uncle never attended his daughter's wedding.
- His younger daughter from his first marriage got caught for drug abuse and was sent for rehab
- His first wife got depressed and stayed with Ah Por for a while. She does not have family members in Singapore. She was from Malaysia.
- He had kidney failure
- He had some bad skin ailments
- His second wife finally wanted a divorce
- He was jobless and penniless and went back to live with Ah Por


We met him during one Chinese new year - maybe last year, maybe the year before last. He was thin and frail, far from the prosperous man that I used to know and see when I was a little girl. He left after some small conversations with my mom, giving the excuse that he had to be at the dialysis centre. Mom gave him money, and I could see the shock on his face but Mom insisted. It was a reversal of role - he used to give my mom and her children money, but now it was the other way round.

That was the last time I saw him - alive.

On the second fateful evening, my husband and I went to the Singapore Casket at Lavender Street. Mom was already there. Ah Por looked devastated. Everyone else looked calm. Aunty Nanz even managed to 'grumble' about him taking his life a day before her birthday, and now she was spending her birthday on his funeral day. In fact, she was supposed to be taking a holiday to Vietnam with Ah Por and had paid for the trip. All that was left were huge regrettable sighs.

At the corner of that small room lies his coffin which we did not immediately go to. Both his wife and ex-wife and their children were there. True to what my mom had thought, he had never quite converted. His Malay ex-wife did not request for a Muslim burial. I don't think she knew what is to be done. I saw her elder daughter whom I had seen when she was a little girl. She was a pretty little girl, very cute and adorable but seeing her now, I'm sorry that we were never close. I may have been judgemental, but from the first look at her again, you would describe her as an 'anak metropolitan' - the fame tv show on Suria Malay channel that had rebellious, angst-ridden teens associated with tattoos and gangsterism. She had an almost bleached hair, nose studs and a small tattoo - the ones visible to my naked eye and she is my niece whom I never quite get to know. But then again, I may be wrong. We didn't talk to each other eventhough her mom made her 'salam' me. It was a lacklustre 'salam' without her holding my hand firmly or properly.

When my husband and I decided to take our leave, we went over to the coffin. Deep inside me, I was a bit fearful. Mom and Aunties told me that I do not have to see him if I do not want to, or am afraid to. But I wanted to, so I did.

The coffin was small, made of wood, but it had a glass top near the face. This was my first time paying my last respects to someone in a coffin. It was a strange feeling. Uncle looked really small and rested. There was a certain sombreness in the look of his face - I was not sure, I do not want to read too much into it.

The funeral was a simple affair, unlike the many Chinese funerals I had seen. Mom attended all the way until the cremation day at Mount Vernon accompanied by my sister. I did not attend the cremation. Aunties did what they needed to do there. Mom was a bundle of steel, believing in her Islamic faith put her in the right frame of mind.

If Uncle did not find the happiness and peace that he wanted when he was alive, I wish for the happiness, peace and guidance of Allah to the family he left behind especially for the niece I never really get to know.

All that I want, is just another...

What shall I blog about? Reflections and resolutions ...nah. It was an uneventful start to the new year. No reflections, no resolutions... just a fancy do. I rebonded my hair for the first time. I would still like a nice crown under my hejab without the unruly kinks, and yes, I'm pretty delighted with the outcome. It wasn't about vanity, it was about not having a bad hair day. Yes, I could have a bad hair day eventhough my hair is covered.

That aside, I didn't ponder about 2007, but I guess now that I am writing this, I am beginning to think about the shape my life has taken this year. I went back to becoming FTWM in March but in an industry totally different from what I used to be in. It was more sane, I guess, clocking in sane number of hours, and leaving on the dot or even lesser than the exact dot. Some people may think that I have caved into the rut of the admin lady - the one who does not care about the grand vision of the company, who just need to do her part and off she goes home to her loving husband and child.

Hey, but I do have a grand vision, a vision of a good life for me - that without a doubt. If you believe in Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs, the higher we move up the ladder, the more self-actualization we want. And I believe, I'm selfish enough to make it all about ME now. Yes, ME! Like the song goes, "All that I want, is just another..." (FILL UP YOUR OWN WORD).

I have had some great fulfilments in my career in the last decade, and though there's more higher peaks to scale in that area, I'm happy to leave it for the others. But if I do decide to climb that same peak again, it has to be different. It has to be about a cause, a personal cause. A cause that will lead me to the right path and direction, not necessarily the highest peak.

That's fulfilment.

The state of being stateless

Just yesterday, I read in the papers about two young sisters, aged 6 and 2.5 years old, who are considered stateless because they do not have birth certificates, meaning their parents have not registered their births. In other words, they are considered illegal or perhaps non-existence in the eyes of the law.
But these girls are very much alive and living an almost normal childhood with their maternal grandmother. Though showered with much love from grandma, these kids however do not get proper immunization and now, cannot go to school because of their lack of documents.

The grassroots leaders who were tracking kids that are supposed to attend preschools but are not, found these kids. And together with their MP were shocked to hear that such cases still exist today in affluent Singapore. Now, they are trying their best to get these kids in school and proper documentation. The problems are, they do not know the identity of the first child’s father. They knew of the second child’s father, however, the jailed mother because of subutex abused is married to a third husband, who is around but does not have biological rights over these kids.

Now I am thinking aloud, not to offend any parties, but just thinking aloud, as loud as Flying Dutchman and Glen Ong always do during their morning express shows.

When these girls went to the polyclinics with their grandma or mother for immunization, and couldn’t produce their birth certificates, why didn’t the staff there suspect something? Even if they feel they couldn’t barge into domestic affairs, but considering that this non-BC issue can lead to serious implications for the future of the children, why didn’t anyone sound the alarm in their earlier years?

Once, I came across a stateless adult. I was told that he was stateless, not that I know he was or wasn’t. His parents that adopted him were both dead, and he was then fending for himself. As he did not have any form of identification, he was not able to get decent work except working at a charitable organization doing some cleaning and housekeeping work, enough to get by for food and rent of a one room flat. He was a young man, he looked decent and of a marriageable age. But I wondered, what happened if he falls really sick, or that he intends to get married? What happens just because he did not have a BC or IC?

It’s so unthinkable to think that despite being real in the flesh, in the eyes of the law, he did not exist. I think what the authorities want is to safeguard against abuses whereby immigrants, illegal or not, can use such an instances to gain residency status in the country.

But then, these young children should not be punished for the crimes of their parents, even if the real father of the first daughter be found not to be Singaporean. I mean what harm does it do to give the child the right of identity?

I wish them well, and wish that they grow up to be good citizens of the world.