Salam Aidilfitri

by afzalmom
Afzal donning the latest invention for this festive season, the "songkok lap-lip" (glitterati headgear).

Here's wishing family, friends and online buddies a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir dan Batin. May you have a blessed year ahead.

Recollections from the past

The same time last year, we spent Ramadan in Alabama. The difference were many. As perhaps usual for Muslims fasting in a non-Muslim country, we did not hear any form of Azan to signify the breaking of fast unlike here in Singapore where everyone would tune in to Radio Warna for that significant moment. What we had was a printout of the solat times that includes imsak from the local mosque, and we rely on that religiously.

We did not break fast with family members. It was a rather quiet Ramadan, breaking fast with hubby alone. And when hubby is on night shift, it would just be me. We hadn't train Afzal then to fast, and usually he would have had his dinner by then. This was something I missed most.

One major difference would be the fact that during buka, it was my home-cooked meals daily. Unlike here, there were no visits to any bazaars for any Ramadan specialty. Though we did not really crave for anything special, I remembered the nasi ambeng at the Jurong West bazaar and the bubur masjid plus air kathira. And hubby remembered this one food that he would usually have once during Ramadan which he did not get a taste of it at all last year - bubur sum sum. Up till today which is already 23 days of fasting, hubby already had his bubur sum sum, and I still hadn't got my nasi ambeng from that Jurong West bazaar.

This year, our break fast were mostly outside or at our parent's home with the exception for a few days that I cook that I could count with one hand alone.

There are other things that I knew I wanted to do during Ramadan, but somehow, never get around to doing it. And these are important things I feel for my own personal and spiritual development. But what I fear is I may get lost again in this world-chasing thing or in this hurried lifestyle that I'm having which I know is not an excuse for my own inadequacy and lack of effort on my part.

Oh Allah swt, give me strength, give me your mercy and give me your compassion for I'm such an inadequate being of yours.

I write but that does not make me a writer

For the first time, I was officially known as a writer. That was about two months back when I decided to decline the offer to produce and direct a tv programme but instead, to write.

Rather than sounding a tad arrogant when some may consider my decision to write instead of produce/ direct a sheer waste of talent, I believe this decision has a lot to do with my phase in life. And writing, is a talent to be nurtured as well. Just because I write, that does not make me a writer. My hats off to tv writers and other writers alike especially these two I know, Hamed Ismail and Amanah Mustafi for having the tenacity and brain power to churn scripts on a daily basis.

My decision to even get one foot back into the broadcasting world is one of mixed feelings. It's something that I have done for over a decade and therefore I can be considered almost a veteran in this area but never an expert. I learnt from phD holders, that no one is an expert in something. There is always something new to learn in a profession that you are so used and accustomed to. And though I feel I could start to pursue a new career path like early childhood, I do feel lacking in expertise in this new area as well.

So I hang on, waiting, or rather just passing by, till I feel my son is going to primary school before I embark on a new path, but then again, only time will tell. At least an incident in the broadcasting world recently had revived in me one of the many reasons why I left the industry in the first place.

It's an interesting and dynamic place to be with a lot of avenues for creative juices to flow but sometimes it's the people that really suck the blood out of you. People who shamelessly think that they are mightier than thou just because they are in a so-called 'higher' or 'clientele' position, working with people who are "anal" in many ways and yet doesn't know it, working with people with mindsets, a mindset that they think others have not change and evolve with the times and yet their own mindset has not change and evolve as well. People who are just plain pure rude, wicked, who thinks they are glamorous, "serpent beneath the rose types" blah, blah, blah and ...all sorts. Astaghfirullahallazim, pardon me Allah, for I am fasting. And please protect me from these people, because sometimes I feel they make me a bad person, but I know I have the choice not to be one. So help me. Amin

I write, for the sake of writing.