He who trust in Allah, have no fear

It was one of those times when crappy mood steps in because of something that happened (or didn't happen) or said earlier in the day or week, and it crept into you, into your system and made you feel like crap.

Anyway, behind my phone on my desk is this inspirational pack that I bought a year or two ago, and it was collecting dust. Precisely because it has been recycled before, and perhaps I have not been 'needing' those inspirational moments. But that day, I needed something to boost my sudden lapse of energy. I took out the cards, and move the top card behind so the next one should be the one that inspires me for the day. And if truth be told, it hit me like lightning.

"He who trust in Allah, have no fear." A verse, also known as ayat(miracle) from the Quran.

Yes, I was telling myself subconsciously. It made sense, and that is exactly what I should be doing with regards to the things that are giving me the crappy moods. Trust Allah. He Knows. He Knows Better Than You Do. He Knows Everything. Trust Him. Have Faith. He answered me immediately.

And then, I took out the book, the accompaniment with those inspirational cards, again it has been collecting dust, and I opened it. It was page 42, and it was the explanation for "He who trust in Allah, have no fear." Oh my, that gave me the sudden gush of not-exactly-goosebumps but something. That gush went straight from the book right through my hands and into my neck and bursts into my head and my whole body. I shook my head just like my little 5 months old baby shook his head when he suddenly peed or pood in his nappy. Really ... (but of course I didnt peed or pood).

His answer lies right in front of me. He assured me. And that is what I have been losing sight of. It made me feel assured that I should just put my trust in him, and almost instantaneoulsy, I felt peace. Really. It was a miracle for me.

It was like a subconscious prayer came true and came through for me. Alhamdullillah! Subhanallah! Ameen.

I yearn for these moments again.

Professionalizing the teachers

I saw the Malay news last night and read in Berita Harian this morning about the graduation of 24 madrasah teachers who have completed a professional diploma degree in education at NIE. MUIS, or the Islamic Council of Singapore, invested in these asatizahs so they are better equip and better able to teach their students using current pedagogy. As we all know, the madrasahs have to attain a certain standard in the PSLE exams for their students in order to continue its operations, and therefore an important aspect to achieving this is the professional development of its teaching personnel.

There you go, syabas MUIS for the investment! Mr Alami Musa, who is the head of MUIS, believes that pedagogy in the education sector is very dynamic and continually changing, and this professional development has to continually continue. And I totally agree with this.

May I suggest if MUIS could also look into the professional development of its preschool teachers in the mosque-based kindys? I know that MCYS is accountable to this, but I'm sure we want to do more to help our children attain better in education and maths, and one way is to invest in its teaching personnel in the preschools with current early childhood pedagogy especially in the area of mathematics. We have to start earlier and younger, right?

Subhan Allah wa bi hamdihi

These are hadith from Sahih Bukhari, from this website. If only we open our hearts to the compassion and mercy of our Al-Mighty, Subhanallah. Wouldn't we be such losers not to know how easy it is to earn His love, mercy and compassion. Amin amin ya rabbal alamin.

Volume 8, Book 75, Number 414:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever says, 'Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi,' one hundred times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea.



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Volume 8, Book 75, Number 415:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "There are two expressions which are very easy for the tongue to say, but they are very heavy in the balance and are very dear to The Beneficent (Allah), and they are, 'Subhan Allah Al-'Azim and 'Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi.'"



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Volume 8, Book 75, Number 416:
Narrated Abu Musa: The Prophet said, "The example of the one who celebrates the Praises of his Lord (Allah) in comparison to the one who does not celebrate the Praises of his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one."

The Night of Power

In the last ten nights of Ramadan, it was mentioned that one of the nights could possibly be the Lailatul Qadar. We do not know exactly when, but it was known to be an odd night. It is a night where one hopes that one's prayers would be answered by Allah swt.

Al Qadr

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful


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إِنَّا أَنزَلْنَاهُ فِي لَيْلَةِ الْقَدْرِ ﴿١﴾

1. Verily! We have sent it (this Quran) down in the night of Al-Qadr (Decree).

وَمَا أَدْرَاكَ مَا لَيْلَةُ الْقَدْرِ ﴿٢﴾

2. And what will make you know what the night of Al-Qadr (Decree) is?

لَيْلَةُ الْقَدْرِ خَيْرٌ مِّنْ أَلْفِ شَهْرٍ ﴿٣﴾

3. The night of Al-Qadr (Decree) is better than a thousand months

(i.e. worshipping Allâh in that night is better than worshipping Him a thousand months, i.e. 83 years and 4 months).

تَنَزَّلُ الْمَلَائِكَةُ وَالرُّوحُ فِيهَا بِإِذْنِ رَبِّهِم مِّن كُلِّ أَمْرٍ ﴿٤﴾

4. Therein descend the angels and the Rûh [Jibrael (Gabriel)] by Allâh's Permission with all Decrees,

سَلَامٌ هِيَ حَتَّى مَطْلَعِ الْفَجْرِ ﴿٥﴾

5. Peace! (All that night, there is Peace and Goodness from Allâh to His believing slaves) until the appearance of dawn

Tossing and sleeping...

At about 29/30 weeks of my pregnancy, I'm feeling tired and extremely sleepy all the time. Apart from tossing between the two books - one on baby, the other on Islam and religion, I could barely digest both of them. The thing is eventhough on days that I am not fasting, I still wake up for sahur, for the sake of hubby and Afzal. After sahur and solat subuh, I zonked back on bed, if it's even for half hour just to catch up on much needed sleep eventhough I had gone to bed at 8.30 pm the night before. When I woke up, I felt like I could still go on sleeping. My shoulder is aching, and my hands and feet felt like they are in need of some kneading and moulding.

I wish my baby in my tummy is having a good night sleep too cos if he is not sleeping right, I don't know if he is sleeping tight, and I don't want his sleeplessness to affect us later.

This Ramadan, I have been struggling with my fasting, not because I cannot 'tahan' but because I fear that baby will be underweight and that I'll get another scolding from the gynae. Afzal, on the other hand, has been very good with his fasting and solat, Alhamdullillah. I'm really proud that he has been doing his solat eventhough when we were not at home to monitor him.

Eventhough it is a one week school break, Afzal still goes to school for 3 days for his conversational Mandarin lessons, and when asked what he learnt, he conveniently said he forgets. But yesterday evening, he was spouting, "wa sher ma lai ren" (I am Malay). Other than that, we gave him his Nintendo game to play with apart from his fixation with facebook and computer-related games. He has also told me to print some primary four maths problem sums. He wants to try and attempt some of it. I think he is doing rather ok with his maths, but his other subjects could further improve.

With hari raya coming, I have not done anything yet. Except for some cookies that we bought at Simpang Rengam, Johor, I have not bought other stuffs. No baju raya for me this year, as I will not fit into one and hubby has also decided to just dorn some previous years' raya outfits. Only Afzal will have a new baju kurung this year. I have also not bought the cookie containers, not gotten a mattress for the Queen size bed in the other room, not packed my bag for the hospital, not bought any baby's stuff, not even think about what to cook for raya.

I'm totally zombied this year.

Understanding Islam

I bought this book when the author came to town but only managed to complete it last night, due to my own procrastination. It is very factual and insightful, even to a Muslim like me, whose knowledge of Islam is rather incompetent in many ways.

To a certain someone who was disillusioned about terrorism and feel that Islam is at fault in many ways, I can only say, read this book, especially the three chapters on Jihad. It was clear and succint, and even help to clarify the many questions I have in my own mind.

And contrary to media attention, Jihad is NOT defined as Holy War. And of course, this book is not just about jihad, but present the basic tenets of Islam in very easy to understand ways.

Well I can only say, read this book - Understanding Islam: A Guide for the Judaeo-Christian Reader by Jerald F. Dirks, cos only if you seek knowledge, then you will understand and make informed decisions.

For more information about the author and his books, click his website. For a detail account of his journey to Islam, click here.

Be!

The positive signs are there, but I just did not want to interprete it that way...

As it stated in the Quran, if Allah says "Be!" It will be!

I guess Allah has said "Be!" to me... :)

My beautiful sunset

As she looked out of the balcony one evening, she was mesmerized by the beautiful sunset. She calls out to me, "appreciate this, don't you just want to sit here all evening and watch the sun goes down?"

The golden showers of the evening ray was captivating. It was Allah's miracles, day in and day out, and yet we failed to recognise it sometimes. As I looked out of my balcony window, the sight that beholds me was beautiful but it was not mine. I can only appreciate my blessings, the blessings that He has given me - the beautiful sunset, the bird's eye view of the city below me and the gift of my sight.



As the sun glides behind the buildings, and disappear beneath the clouds, daylight dwindles, and the sky and earth were once again slowly but surely cloaked in darkness. It was time for the call of the azan. It was time for Muslims to come in prayers during that magical moment, glorifying Him for all of His blessings upon us.

The path is service of others...

"The path is service of others, not prayer beads and holy robes." Sa'di.

This reminds me of da'wah or missionary work. It is not about looking saintly but about what you can do with yourselves and your heart in the service of Allah. It calls to me, I believe, first about changing myself in my heart and in my practices before I call others.

It reminds me of my colleague, a Catholic, whose cubicle is next to me. She calls herself a "modern nun". She has decided to dedicate her life to serving her religion, abstaining from marriage like what a nun does, except she is not clothed in that manner. She is a career woman, currently reading her phD part-time, and believes in her calling, having isolated herself from her family, living with like-minded individuals in her duty to serve her God.

So when I read those words of wisdom above, I agree with what my colleague is doing -"serving her religion without robes and prayer beads" in this case without the "habit". If I were to base this to the concept of Islam, I can still be of service to Allah, and yet not deprived myself from the pleasures of being a wife and a mother, unlike her.

Allah has not given us anything more if He knows we cannot handle it. But His challenges were given to us because He knew best. As stated in the Al-Quran:-

"Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope." Surah Al-Baqarah (2:286)

Allah has given us this life to fulfil his mission, and the promise of the garden of paradise with his mercy and love. If only we open our hearts to it.

Amin-Amin Ya Rabbal Alameen.

Seeking His blessings

It was a major wake up call…

Things that you thought would never happen to you or your family, and then it did.

I must have been deep in my slumber, too tired for my own good, only to realize how late I was.

But I believe, that if anyone is sincere in seeking the truth, he will find the truth, whether in the Quran or the Bible or the Torah. May his heart is sincere in seeking the truth, and that he finds it, and leads all of us to the truth.

I read the first chapter of the holy Al-Quran with its English translation, and Al-Fatihah has never meant so beautiful and so inspiring to me until now. It feeds my almost empty soul. By reciting the Al-Fatihah with much understanding, I now know what is that I’m asking for from my one and only Lord.

***

There were many times that I felt the unfairness of life, and especially when it impacts my personal life. There were many moments that I felt I could have it better, or even questioned why others have it easier or better than me? But I forget, there are many others who have it much worst than me. I forget the blessings that He has bestowed on me. Whether it took only a second for him to answer my prayer, or nine years, He had and will answer my prayers, but if only I did not forget to prostrate five times a day to him. I have been so forgetful, buried in my own ignorant, so how can I deserve the blessings that I am seeking from Him. But I know He has given me so much more than I could ask for, and I keep asking and asking from Him.

***

Beautiful Ramadan is calling, beautiful Ramadan is coming, and I can’t wait…I can’t wait for syaitan to be chained, and I can’t wait to perform my terawih which I had done for the first time only in the last Ramadan. It was soul-filling. I seek that He gives me strength and energy to do it again. May Ramadan brings more blessings to all of us, and may He fulfilled all our prayers especially the prayers of our mothers and mothers alike...Ameen.

Mosque Building Fund

I don't mind giving to the mosque building fund, but if it just simply to beautify mosques but the mosques still remain unattractive to youth and the teaching pedagogy of the islamic classes is still not attractive to some others, I don't quite agree with having even a small portion of my income to this cause. I would prefer to give to "ilmu" - something that perhaps we cannot see with the naked eye because it is not physical, but it will benefit the community and our mankind in the long run.

I have had some feedback whereby mosque kindergartens are always in short of resources - materials for the children and classrooms and lack of trained teachers. Another grapevine I hear is that, which is of course without evidence, that kids that come from mosque kindergartens are not able to read as well.

I would rather give a portion of my income to enhance the resources of the mosque kindergartens and the skills of their teachers. But not merely to enlarge, rebuild and beautify mosques!

My embrace with the hejab

When I officially donned the hijab on 10th January 2006, at an over the prime age of 34, it brought queries to some unsuspecting Muslim friends and they had to ask, “What makes you?”

And I usually gave a tongue-in-cheek reply of “I dah bertaubat.” (I’ve repented).

Some would dig further, and my next answer will be, “I guess it’s time.”

What else should I say? By right, all Muslimah should be hijab-ed, isn’t it? It’s just that I am not doing what Muslimah should be doing, and I guess the curiosity from friends is “what is the turning point to this tudung wearing?”

Non-Muslim friends will not ask directly, but they were curious. In fact, one expressed surprise and thought that I would be more westernized since living in the US. However, another friend interjected that it may just be the opposite for some, as they may discover their religion more when they are overseas. She’s partly right, and they have came to the answer themselves without even me saying anything. They had their own discourse about the new hijab-ed me.

As a Muslim lady, I know it is my duty to be modest, and to “veil my bosom and lower my gaze,” as described in the Al-Quran, loosely translated from An-nisa’s verses. But living in cosmopolitan Singapore, I don’t see the need to, since I have such an active and adventurous lifestyle. It’s not controversial for a Muslim lady not to be wearing the tudung in Singapore, and much less so if you are in the US.

I have never asked or discussed with anyone about wearing even though the thought and the niat to wear the tudung has crept into my mind at a few times in my life though I can’t exactly recall when. I have occasionally tried out tudungs in front of the mirrors. And even at very fewer times, wear the tudung in the house. I kept telling myself, if I decide to wear, it will be for good. And it is not something for me to call it off and give it up later. I want to be a tudung-wearer not tudung-weary. But I was fearful of being hejab. One of the major reasons is, I’m ashamed of myself. Though I am not deviant, and I would think that I am morally a good person, I am not a good Muslim. I am a lazy and ignorant one. I neglected my prayers. I didn’t complete my Quran. I’m too lazy and too involved in worldly affairs to further my knowledge in Islam. If I wear the tudung, and I am still lazy and ignorant, what’s the point? I can’t be Muslim on the outside, but be so unknowledgeable and less practicing on the inside. This stopped me from covering up.

It was during one of my online chats with a friend, R that I summoned the courage to ask the same questions that a Muslimah shouldn’t for the answers are just obvious. What makes you? And what is the turning point for you? But isn’t it too sudden? R quoted in her blog, she hejabed a day after her husband’s marriage proposal eventhough the day before she was wearing an ill-fitting jeans and a see-through blouse. Whatever she told me at that time made much sense to me. “I can’t wait to be a better Muslim to be hejab-ed. Perhaps being hejab will make me a better Muslim.” Even then these words of wisdom haven’t moved me.

At that point in time, I was also adamant in teaching my son good Islamic values especially living in a foreign western land, and with little contact of Islam and good Muslims, I felt that it was even more dire on me to teach him Islam. However, I can’t be teaching my son good Islamic values without practicing them properly.

In later chats and emails, R asked, “what if your son goes to madrasah and finds the ustazah covered up, learned from the Quran about Muslim women being hejab, only to return home to find his mummy, not hejab? Wouldn’t he be confused? What do you say to him then?”

That hit me. I want my son to learn good Islamic values but I am not practising it. What do I say if my son really asked me, “Mummy, why aren’t you wearing the hejab like the Quran says?” Being a good role model, is what parenting is all about isn't it?

For the sake of Allah, and for the sake of producing a good Muslim lineage, I have embraced the hejab but my journey is only the beginning. I am still no less lazy and no less ignorant. But I am trying my very best, and I know my very best is still not good enough, to Him and to me. I have no one else to blame except myself.

All that I want, is just another...

What shall I blog about? Reflections and resolutions ...nah. It was an uneventful start to the new year. No reflections, no resolutions... just a fancy do. I rebonded my hair for the first time. I would still like a nice crown under my hejab without the unruly kinks, and yes, I'm pretty delighted with the outcome. It wasn't about vanity, it was about not having a bad hair day. Yes, I could have a bad hair day eventhough my hair is covered.

That aside, I didn't ponder about 2007, but I guess now that I am writing this, I am beginning to think about the shape my life has taken this year. I went back to becoming FTWM in March but in an industry totally different from what I used to be in. It was more sane, I guess, clocking in sane number of hours, and leaving on the dot or even lesser than the exact dot. Some people may think that I have caved into the rut of the admin lady - the one who does not care about the grand vision of the company, who just need to do her part and off she goes home to her loving husband and child.

Hey, but I do have a grand vision, a vision of a good life for me - that without a doubt. If you believe in Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs, the higher we move up the ladder, the more self-actualization we want. And I believe, I'm selfish enough to make it all about ME now. Yes, ME! Like the song goes, "All that I want, is just another..." (FILL UP YOUR OWN WORD).

I have had some great fulfilments in my career in the last decade, and though there's more higher peaks to scale in that area, I'm happy to leave it for the others. But if I do decide to climb that same peak again, it has to be different. It has to be about a cause, a personal cause. A cause that will lead me to the right path and direction, not necessarily the highest peak.

That's fulfilment.

Sabun Sertu

It came on the market at an opportune time – a time that I am shifting house, thereby the need to sertu the new house came into the picture once again. The whole process of sertu requires us to get the tanah liat (red earth/soil), the washing of six parts air mutlak (pure water) and one part air mutlak with the red earth. After consulting with an online ustaz, he feels that it is ok just to wash normally without sertu-ing especially if we have not seen or do not know whether there was ever pig (pork) or dog in the house, but think there might. But being culturally Malay-Muslim, and the fact that sertu is not wrong, and since there is this new product of sabun sertu, Alhamdullillah, perhaps it was Allah’s way of answering my prayers and the many queries in my muddled head.

After reading the newspaper article about the sabun sertu, we headed down to the shop. It was a small shop beside the haig road hawker centre cum market. It was only here that the sabun sertu, coceptualised and created by an ustaz Abdul Rahman, lined the white shelves of that small shop, a size of a store-room. Alhamdullillah, to this ustaz, and may Allah reward him for this. The online ustaz gave him thumbs up for what he called “an ingenious idea that helps us to contemporarise our Islamic practices.”

Someone was buying the stuffs before us – a bottle of sabun sertu for the body, and another bottle of sabun sertu for cutleries and house cleaning. The pakcik at the shop acknowledged our presence and asked whether he could help us.

“Nak tengok tu.” I said, looking at the two bottles being bought by the earlier customer.

“Boleh…tengoklah”. (Of course, go ahead)

I took a bottle from its white shelves. It was orangey-muddy in colour, and the ingredients do not look much, but had some similar scientific names of which you would see behind your shower wash or shampoo. There was also a “how to do it” section but it mentioned only 5 washes after that. That put me in disequilibrium. Why 5 washes?

“Kenapa 5 pakcik?” the confused, naived and ignorant me asked. As far as I have always understood, it’s 6.

“Yang pertama, awak cuci dulu dengan air. Lepas tu, yang kedua awak campur dengan benda ni. Kemudian, lima kali cuci.” (First, you wash with water. Then you add this to your second wash. Then, after that, the rest of the 5 washes.)

Ahhhh… that explains it. So clearly and simply. But I wish that the explanation on the bottle was clearer so that it did not cause such a misconception on the already ignorant me, especially if one was to buy from a grocery store without a knowledgeable salesperson at hand.

“Kena pakai banyak tak?” (Do I need to use a lot?)

“Takde…awak campur sikit dengan air, macam pakai sabun.” (No…just add a little bit to water, like you would normally use soap (liquid))

“Ada buihlah?” (There’s suds?)

“Ah…ada” (Ah…yes)

I opened the bottle to smell it. Not bad, I thought. No funny muddy smell - just like your normal shower wash.

We bought a bottle. And now it’s waiting time to be used.

She is Muslim

This piece is inspired from Dina Zaman’s I am Muslim. I have not read her book, but certainly have discovered the IAM2 blog.


“There’s an American Muslim lady living here.” Said a Malay Singaporean.

“Really…as in…”

“As in white American…and she wears the tudung.”

That’s certainly great news - to be able to meet a Muslim, white American and hejab-ed in a place as remote as Mobile, Alabama. There was a sudden rush of euphoria and delight. Alhamdullillah.

“I would love to get to know her.” I said.

There’s so much to ask, so much to learn from this lady. There’s a certain connection. A sister in Islam.

“She has invited me to her house. You can come.”

I was thrilled.



One afternoon, my Malay neighbour called to tell me that she’d be going over to the American Muslim lady home, and asked if I would come. I was ready to go. We’d bring our kids over, as this lady has a young girl about eight or nine years old, and the kids could play while the mommies chat.

So that fine afternoon, we went over to the American Muslim lady's home. She is pretty, young and tall, and the way she dressed that afternoon, in the comfort of her own home, was almost hippy-like. However, there was a certain chaos in her home, from the living room to the kitchen to the bedrooms. She claimed the torrential rain had seeped into her ground floor house, and soaked her carpet. Clothes were strewn on the floor and on the mattress in her daughter’s bedroom. She apologized for the mess, complaining about her brothers’ kids who had came over the weekend, and created the mess. And almost instinctively, she took out a cigarette and lighted it. She continued complaining about her brothers’ wives and their kids, who were rude as they were not raised as Muslims. They came to her house and hoarded the food that she had bought over the weekend, almost US70 worth of food for the week just gone like that. All the while I was listening to her and watching her puffed her cigarettes away. A Muslim hejab-ed lady.

I guess the whole scenario threw me off a bit. It did not matter to me that my Malay neighbour, the one who introduced me to her, also smoked, loved to wear mini denim skirts and baby tees that occasionally displayed her belly button, but when this hejab-ed white American Muslim lady did that, it sort of turned my perception of her upside down. Then there’s this incomprehensible clutter, not only about her house but the state of her life.

After a while, I did ask her “why she became muslim?” Almost instantly, she said, it was the simplicity of the religion. For many years, she was confused, abused and lost and she was seeking something to turn to. Islam gave her peace, and simplicity in her otherwise befuddled life.

She had a brother and father who were hard core addicts. And both of them committed suicide, according to her. She could have been a hard core addict too, she said, if not for Islam, and had contemplated suicide before. I was not too sure about her mother, as at this point, her story was too compelling for me to comprehend. Cruel scenes of her life flashed by me, too harsh for me to digest.

She loved her teenage son and her young daughter, but both had looked different. It was obvious that her teenage son is white, while her daughter is mix. Her daughter has beautiful tan skin, and lovely brown locks – gorgeous in fact. And it will be awfully rude for me to ask where her gene might have come from. She said that her son is not a Muslim, but he will be, Insya Allah. As for her daughter, whom she described as "beautiful, Masya Allah," it was the result of a rape at a party many years ago. She claimed she was attacked by a man that she did not know, and it made her pregnant. She wanted to abort the pregnancy, but knew that the foetus in her was not to be blamed for the things that had happened. She prayed, she said but I was unsure to whom or to what at that point in time of her life. She kept her pregnancy, and gave birth to her daughter. Then she met an Arab Muslim man, either before or after reverting to Islam, again I was unsure and had married him. But the marriage did not last, for reasons that she did not say. However, the Arab man and she were still friends, and in fact, she was working in his company or something of that nature. She said, InsyaAllah, they may get back together. She said, she disliked Arab women. “They are arrogant and obnoxious. They think they are the chosen race.” Those were almost her exact words. They think they were chosen by Allah through his Prophet Muhammad (SAW) to spread Islam. Perhaps, and I can only infer, the treatment that she must have gotten from the relatives of her Arab ex-husband-soon-to-be-husband-again.

Her story had the ingredients of a drama. The bits and pieces that she recounted were at times harrowing, at times hazy for there were other probable missing parts that are only known to her. I don’t know what I brought back from that encounter. But my euphoria and delight of meeting a sister in Islam, subsided at that time. Perhaps I wanted to learn something from her, especially in my seeking into embracing the hejab, but the state of life of this hejabi woman was chaotic, to me, even at that present moment.

Perhaps I failed to see, at that time, the life that she once had - tumultous, and now, despite the chaos in her home and the baggages from her past life that she had to carry through to move her life forward, there was peace, an inner peace that only she knew. I wish I could have known her better, but perhaps I was judging her when I thought I wasn’t and there were no other opportune times to get to know her for she had left the residence to live elsewhere, before I could even figure out my own confusion.

What's the dilemma?

After watching Gol and Gincu, the Malaysian tv series about modern Malaysian teens grappling with issues of friendships, BGRs, futsal etc in a private college, my husband commented, "It's too modern."

Last night, the show's theme came across vividly what the show is actually about, The Malay Dilemma. A book written by the former Malaysian Primer Minister, Mahathir Mohamad was given airtime when the heroine, played by MTV VJ Fazura, opened the book in her hands. She was grappling with her modern identity vs her love for her more "cultured" boyfriend who is into Malay theatre and poetry. Aside what's reel, the reality is her reel boyfriend's real name is Mohd Pierre Andre. There were also other casts with similarly westernised names like Ashraf Sinclair. Maybe they were of mixed parentage. Or perhaps the Executive Producer of the show is the ex-PM own's daughter.

What Gol and Gincu potrayed may not truely reflect the whole of Malaysia, but at the same time, it is not uncommon in the Malaysian city landscape. Go down to places like Bukit Bintang and Bangsar, and you'll know what I mean. Perhaps I may be outdated, and there are more "happenings" than one could really imagine in a country known to be Islamic. I know, because I have lived there for 5 months and it was enough to give me a culture shock despite being of the same ethnic group.

When I was in university, I had a visiting Malaysian professor in my political science tutorial class. Being the only Malay in that class, he would often shoot questions at me, for the purpose of garnering my interest or just plain sadistic, I don't quite get him. And me, being politically apathetic, would just go into nonsensical babbling mode as long as I provide him some kind of responses. Funny, his own article would on occasions mildly criticise his country's political landscape but he also suggested to me that if I see a gathering of big names and they are sipping tea with a teacup in their hands, it means they are drinking wine. Should I believe this man? I didn't until of course I lived there.

Drinking liquor, though haram, is still practised by some Muslims. Even when I was visiting China, and visited many Muslim Chinese homes, some have bottles of liquor in their houses. This is also true in some Malaysian homes, and some of whom are people of high profiles. I'm sure it happens in Singapore too, but I have not seen a home with liquor yet but when it comes to drinking, heard and seen them many times. While doing research for a tv programme, the only contact I had in Singapore was with a Malay/ Muslim couple who owns a bar - tiny, dark, murky and patronised by Malays. I also went into a lounge own by a Chinese man but operated and runned by his Malay "mummy" and other Malay hostesses.

Sometimes we tend to sweep things under the carpet when the reality of our society is just such. If someone says that it's hard being Malay or Muslim and yet modern, then what about those Muslims living in non-Islamic countries, and yet able to keep their faith truthfully as they could.

It's strange that in societies or countries known to be Islamic or have better Islamic infrastructure, we, Muslims and/ or Malays tend to be lost. And by some kind of Divine intervention, we managed to find our truthful path when we are in a non-Islamic surrounding. Subhanallah, may Allah continue to guide us.