You can't judge a book by its cover. Either I'm a poor judge of character or I would like to believe that everyone has good in them, rather than thinking that they are bad.
The maid was sent back to the agent on Sunday.
She is my second maid after my first one finished her contract and went home. This new one is 23, single, looks mild, meek and very quiet and has been working with me for nearly five months. She even wears the tudung when she goes out.
Though she is mild, meek and a very quiet tudung-wearing domestic helper, I'm begining to have doubts about her ability to retain and process information, as well as to perform some routine daily duties with a bit more meticulousness. How long should I train a new maid to get the ironing correct and smooth at least? Let's just abandon the idea of cooking for now. She can't even communicate with my son, because her personality is simply too quiet.
To cut a long story short, she has been using the handphone that is for home use and for going out with my son for her own personal use, to call a man that she is madly in love with back in her hometown. When an sms came from the man, and I was home that day, she denied vehemently that she didn't know who that was, and that was the first time such an sms came.
I called the number and told the guy on the other end that if he is not her father or her husband or her brother, and if there is nothing important, there is nothing to talk to her about.
I was angry for she has misused my personal property as well as my trust. But when I told hubby I wanted to send her back, hubby advised me to think first, as it has implications on us especially on our child care arrrangement before the next maid arrives. I can't take a transfer maid immmediately until my current one gets a new employer.
So she stayed another day on Sunday, eventhough I have asked her to pack.
On Sunday, when we went out, we reminded her to take care of the house and not go anywhere. I was still annoyed, but I know I had no choice. By the time we came back at about 1 plus in the afternoon, she was not at home. Hubby immediately said, "once she comes back, we'll send her back to the agent." We felt disbelief that this mild, meek and quiet tudung-wearing girl is daring enough to defy simple orders.
She came back 5 minutes later, and looked extremely horrified and started crying dramatically. She said she was merely downstairs buying bread as she was hungry. There was food in the house, and she needed to go down to buy bread. Her reasoning was she was afraid to eat my food which I had never, not even when I was angry, denied her of food. She dramatically bowed down to my feet to ask for forgiveness. I just told her, "I don't want this nonsense. Go and eat your bread."
We sent her back immediately. From a light backpack, hers is now full to the brim with extra plastic bag. I don't want to be picky by asking her to return the clothes that I had given her, but if I had known the truth of what she had done, I might have just done that.
She left her diary. And it contains all the details of how she had been trying to get in touch with that guy since February. The guy is not exactly her boyfriend but who she is madly in love with, and whom she had given her virginity to and finally she managed to contact him on 6 March on my handphone. And I have been fooled by her for more than 2 months and yet she was crying and denying vehemently that was the first time ever the sms came. What a load of bull!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friday, May 08, 2009
Of mak and motherhood...
At 24, when most of my mates were tying the knot, I never had a real boyfriend.
At 25, when they started having their firstborn, my mak was worried - worried that I would never find a boyfriend, let alone a husband.
At 26, I told myself that I’ll resign to being matched if I’m still single by the time I reached 30. I guess it didn’t happen – the matchmaking that is.
I tied the knot at 27.
It was all happening so fast, and before I knew it, I was pregnant within the first month of my marriage. It was not gelojoh, as some may think, but it was my clueless attempt at using the rhythm method.
My pregnancy was not smooth sailing. The nausea that came in the evenings after work went on for nearly 80% of the 9 months I was carrying my firstborn. My energy level dived to minus degrees, and my zest for work and life was almost non-existent. My vomiting bouts made me sick and lethargic, and I was down with fever, flu and cough. I never knew pregnancy was going to make me this ‘sickly’, and I wondered how our mothers and their mothers before them did it, especially when they had many children of their own to create a football team.
Before my baby was born, I promised to breastfeed, as it has been hailed as the best thing that a mum can give her child. There are so many benefits of breastfeeding that I had read up, and even though I came across words like ‘engorgement’, it didn’t mean much until it happened to me. No one told me that breastfeeding was going to be an uphill task. The engorgement left me so sore and helplessly in pain. My baby's inability to latch or my inability to make him suck makes me felt like a failure. He was crying, and I was helpless. It was so difficult and trying. I cried. I was depressed within the first two weeks of having my first son.
It didn’t help that my baby had long crying bouts at night. He was not colic, and not even mak knew what was wrong with him. It drove everyone in the house crazy. We were sleepless with his every 15 minutes of wakefulness and constant crying. It gave hubby and me migraine from the lack of sleep. At one time, my husband nearly shook our baby and shouted at him. I was shocked at our inabilities, incapacities. It left me stoned and zombied and I was feeling how unfit we were as parents, how useless I was as a mother.
After two months at my parents’ place, we moved to our new home, hoping to start a new life. But I felt alone when hubby went to work, eventhough baby was with me. When my baby cried non-stop, and no amount of coaxing could stop him, again I felt distressed and helpless. I called mak and cried over the phone. I didn’t know what was wrong with him, and I didn’t know what to do.
After I talked to mak, I managed to calm my dear baby down, and started to calm myself down too. I called mak and told her that she did not have to come to see me. But mak and father assured me that they will visit me the next day. They did. As much as they were bewildered at first, they were also amused at what a goondu I was at something so naturally simple. Is motherhood really naturally instinctive? If it is, I do not have the genetic make-up for this.
That first hari raya with baby, as I salam my mak to kiss her hand, I caught everyone by surprise, even myself. I cried in front of mak and told her how much this whole experience taught me about mak’s experiences of being a mother and motherhood. It made me feel truly appreciative of the experiences my mak must have gone through when she was having me and all her other children. I guess you never knew how it really feel and must have felt unless you go through it yourself, experiencing all the myriad of emotions that came with being pregnant and having a child. I am blessed to have gone through it because I feel that I will be arrogant and emotionless of the feelings of a mum – struggling to manage her children and her life if I had not become a mom myself. It was truly, truly humbling and no words can describe my feelings of motherhood, and the connection with what mak might have gone through. No matter how old I am, I knew I will always be her baby because I am always in need of her wisdom, her strength, her determination, her love, her stoicness and so much more.
To mak, “Happy mother’s day, thank you for everything. I will always love you.”
At 25, when they started having their firstborn, my mak was worried - worried that I would never find a boyfriend, let alone a husband.
At 26, I told myself that I’ll resign to being matched if I’m still single by the time I reached 30. I guess it didn’t happen – the matchmaking that is.
I tied the knot at 27.
It was all happening so fast, and before I knew it, I was pregnant within the first month of my marriage. It was not gelojoh, as some may think, but it was my clueless attempt at using the rhythm method.
My pregnancy was not smooth sailing. The nausea that came in the evenings after work went on for nearly 80% of the 9 months I was carrying my firstborn. My energy level dived to minus degrees, and my zest for work and life was almost non-existent. My vomiting bouts made me sick and lethargic, and I was down with fever, flu and cough. I never knew pregnancy was going to make me this ‘sickly’, and I wondered how our mothers and their mothers before them did it, especially when they had many children of their own to create a football team.
Before my baby was born, I promised to breastfeed, as it has been hailed as the best thing that a mum can give her child. There are so many benefits of breastfeeding that I had read up, and even though I came across words like ‘engorgement’, it didn’t mean much until it happened to me. No one told me that breastfeeding was going to be an uphill task. The engorgement left me so sore and helplessly in pain. My baby's inability to latch or my inability to make him suck makes me felt like a failure. He was crying, and I was helpless. It was so difficult and trying. I cried. I was depressed within the first two weeks of having my first son.
It didn’t help that my baby had long crying bouts at night. He was not colic, and not even mak knew what was wrong with him. It drove everyone in the house crazy. We were sleepless with his every 15 minutes of wakefulness and constant crying. It gave hubby and me migraine from the lack of sleep. At one time, my husband nearly shook our baby and shouted at him. I was shocked at our inabilities, incapacities. It left me stoned and zombied and I was feeling how unfit we were as parents, how useless I was as a mother.
After two months at my parents’ place, we moved to our new home, hoping to start a new life. But I felt alone when hubby went to work, eventhough baby was with me. When my baby cried non-stop, and no amount of coaxing could stop him, again I felt distressed and helpless. I called mak and cried over the phone. I didn’t know what was wrong with him, and I didn’t know what to do.
After I talked to mak, I managed to calm my dear baby down, and started to calm myself down too. I called mak and told her that she did not have to come to see me. But mak and father assured me that they will visit me the next day. They did. As much as they were bewildered at first, they were also amused at what a goondu I was at something so naturally simple. Is motherhood really naturally instinctive? If it is, I do not have the genetic make-up for this.
That first hari raya with baby, as I salam my mak to kiss her hand, I caught everyone by surprise, even myself. I cried in front of mak and told her how much this whole experience taught me about mak’s experiences of being a mother and motherhood. It made me feel truly appreciative of the experiences my mak must have gone through when she was having me and all her other children. I guess you never knew how it really feel and must have felt unless you go through it yourself, experiencing all the myriad of emotions that came with being pregnant and having a child. I am blessed to have gone through it because I feel that I will be arrogant and emotionless of the feelings of a mum – struggling to manage her children and her life if I had not become a mom myself. It was truly, truly humbling and no words can describe my feelings of motherhood, and the connection with what mak might have gone through. No matter how old I am, I knew I will always be her baby because I am always in need of her wisdom, her strength, her determination, her love, her stoicness and so much more.
To mak, “Happy mother’s day, thank you for everything. I will always love you.”
Monday, May 04, 2009
A beautiful gift
I was 37 two days ago. Short of three that makes me 40. Looks like a big number eh?
But I'm happy, I supposed. Happy to be older and wiser, and as a cousin reminded me, I'm another year closer to the graveyard. Somehow, that did not give me the chill, but a nice reminder to me to be good, and do good to what could possibly be left of my time on earth.
I had a good meal with my dearest hubby and favourite son at Carousel. I used to be able to eat till I'm full but I just can't that evening. Perhaps I am happy with the company, and I am full of love given to me by the very people I care and love very much.I'm blessed.
I'm further blessed that He had bestowed me a beautiful gift - for me and my family. We are happy, we are contented, and we continually seek his blessings for the beautiful gift.
The gift of which we will announce in due course...
But I'm happy, I supposed. Happy to be older and wiser, and as a cousin reminded me, I'm another year closer to the graveyard. Somehow, that did not give me the chill, but a nice reminder to me to be good, and do good to what could possibly be left of my time on earth.
I had a good meal with my dearest hubby and favourite son at Carousel. I used to be able to eat till I'm full but I just can't that evening. Perhaps I am happy with the company, and I am full of love given to me by the very people I care and love very much.I'm blessed.
I'm further blessed that He had bestowed me a beautiful gift - for me and my family. We are happy, we are contented, and we continually seek his blessings for the beautiful gift.
The gift of which we will announce in due course...
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