Croc-choc or Choc-croc

At Silver Sands Factory Outlet, Destin, we stopped for a little snack of a white croc-choc chosen by the little one.


The milk choc-croc's head is bitten off by a grinning bigger alligator...

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Mardi Gras-Haha Parade

It was a Sunday afternoon, and the children's mardi gras parade was about to take place at Cottage Hill and Sage Avenue. The little fella was unhappy and grouchy. I hate parades, I want to stay home blah blah blah so he stood in a corner away from the madding crowd just to prove his point that the parade was not his idea of fun.



But soon he realised that this parade was not scary or threatening as his brain cells had told him earlier. So my little fella decided that he can join in the merry-o-making with all the other children. He now moved with the crowd catching the goodies that were thrown out to the little people on the streets by the kids paraders on the floats.

It was no wonder many children came with little plastic bags, so that they can grab whatever they can and put their stuffs in the plastic bags. After some catching, here are some stuffs that my little fella managed to get and he was beaming happy ha ha ha with candies, cups, whistles, coin, chains.

So the day ends with my little fella looking much happier than when he first started out. He realised that this kids' mardi gras parade was actually fun and told us that he wanted to go for another. That's my little fella, he panicked first not knowing what it was but now he knows.

It's a day of lurrving.

With all the cliches and commercialism that's associated with February 14, you did nothing to think or talk about it until you step into Walmart, and everything pinks, reds, hearts, flowers, chocolates and balloons greeted you like a big dollop on your face. I almost shudder with the over-decorated Walmart. No, I'm not taken in with this blatant advertisement, but maybe that chocolate looks amazingly delectable. Oh and how beautiful the roses are but more than double overpriced! I'm not taken in, anyway.

But Afzal has been talking about Valentine. It was because there were some school activities associated with this V-day. So I asked,
"I don't know what's valentine. What's valentine Afzal?"
"It's a day of loving."
"Loving? Loving who?"
"Anybody."
"Anybody? Like who?"
"You can love nenek. You can love anybody."
"Oh ok. So can I love you?"
"Yes, you can. You can love ayah also."
"Do you love me Afzal?"
"Lovelah."

And then he decided enough of this love-talk.

"Mummy, later I want to make you a card. You close your eyes ok."
"Ok."

So here's Afzal's lurrve card to me.



The front cover with an orange flower. And the word 'mama' on the priceless flower.


The insides of his card. A heart and a house with a chimney. "It's mama's house and it's in Atlanta." So said Afzal.


The back cover. Two hearts. One ayah and one mama. How sweet.



Another heart with a teddy that comes with a sash "My Valentine" and a card. I guess dear hubby got the hint when I browsed the delectable chocolates so I got this from him. Not that I want to and we don't celebrate V-day anyway, but a box of chocolates does not hurt, right? Melt...


And what did I do in return? Cook for lurrve... Nothing fancy. Just my very own baked lasagne and oven-fry chicken for dinner.

Style and writing

"Style is not how you write.
It is how you do not write like anyone else."

* * *

"When you write for children,
don't write for children.
Write from the child in you."

Charles Ghigna

Skateboarding terms

Afzal's uncle and aunty in Singapore want to show him some skateboarding tricks and here's a glossary of skateboarding lingo.

Skateboarding
These are the different parts of a skateboard: trucks, deck, wheels,griptape, hardware, bearings,risers(optional).

How to do a :

Kickflip. Put one foot on the tail and the other foot on the bolts. Kick down on the tail while sliding your other foot up diagonally. If you did it right the board should flip once and then land.

Olie: Put one foot on the tail and the other foot on the bolts. Stomp on the tail and slide your other foot straight up. If you did it right it will rise of the ground.

Shoveit: Olie but instead of keeping your feet straight you move your left foot back and your right foot forward. The board should spin counter clockwise.

Heelflip: To do a heelflip you just flip the board the the opposite direction as the kick flip.

Backside boardslide: Olie, do a 180 onto a rail or curb and slide down. When you reach the end of the rail jump of and do a 180 back into your riding stance

Source: skateboard

Afzal's crafts

Afzal had the white paper where you cut and fold to make into a paper bag, so we transformed it into a 3D paper bag. He was so intrigued that he asked to make another one, so I draw a similar one on the orange paper. And he want a picture taken with it.


The 2D nets were transformed into 3D paperbags. So here, he proudly snapped a photo of his self-made crafts.

As part of my early childhood math assignment, I created a curriculum using 3D boxes and opening these boxes up to see flattened cardboards (ie. 2D nets).

Here's a snippet of what my professor, Dr Patricia Willott of Early Childhood Math, Wheelock College had to say:-

"The extension of using 3-D boxes and making the connection to 2-D nets incorporates powerful mathematics in an area that is often neglected; we sometimes forget the 3-D aspect, and looking at the nets is a good concrete and relevant introduction to the concepts of perimeter and area. Your activities show that you are committed to making maths relevant for children, and that you are conscious of the important role of the teacher in maintaining high standards for learning."

Afzal and his skateboard

It was the coolest gift from a grandmother. Yes, it was nenek who gave Afzal a skateboard for his 5th birthday because he asked for it.


It was not nenek who chose the design, nevertheless, it was a cool gadget for a 5 year old to have... for now.

For more of his moves, click here

The view

This is the view of our apartment from our balcony on a clear day.



This is the same view from our apartment on a foggy morning.



This is the view from our front doorway in that foggy morning. See our red Malibu parked right in front.





Really foggy and cold morning.

The Snow Experience in Narita

We were unprepared to be stranded in Narita, but we did not want to miss the opportunity of experiencing some real ice and snow there. Snow blanketed the garden just outside Narita Excel Hotel.


Ayah and Afzal, in newly bought jackets, posing in the snow-laden garden. Though our jackets have an inner fleece lining, it was not enough to really keep us warm and withstand the icy cold. We did not want to buy more gloves and hats as we already have these which of course, we did not have them with us at that point.


Afzal tried his hands at making snow balls.


Beautiful shot of Ayah and Afzal on a little bridge.


There was a sudden gust of wind and the ice hit our faces. Afzal freaked out and ran haphazardly. Here, Mama is trying to hold him and asked him to cover his face on Mama's coat. Look at the car's roofs all covered with ice.

For more pictures, click here

Overnight at Narita

My dear Afzal sleeping on the cold seats of Narita Airport with a Cathay Pacific blanket courtesy of a kind passenger. Even hubby Tahir has put up and crossed his legs on the seat. See his shoes facing his left.

I wish I could snap pictures of people sleeping in the sleeping bags but it will be infringing into their privacy, so I did not do it. However I saw a caucasian man who did that, and his camera is a professional one where you can take pictures in the dark without flash. The next day a picture came out in Japan Times on the front page.

The dirt on the airlines

Having had the experience of flying on American Airline, Delta, Northwest, Continental and United, it is no wonder that the US Airline Industry is in a tailspin.

From the time I was born till the age of 24, I had the luxury of travelling only on Singapore Airlines. Not that I was of some Royalty lineage, I would then have my own private jet. And it's not that my family owns the airline, but I was lucky that my father was a pioneer at Singapore Airport Terminal Services and he and his family (that's us) are able to receive complimentary flight tickets annually to anywhere in the world on SIA and we would use the tickets if we have the money to travel or else it will just be to KL.

So I have no basis for comparison. And anyway, at most times, I have nothing to complain about SIA.

Until I couldn't receive anymore complimentary tickets, so I have to save and scrimp to travel and I have since travelled on Thai Airways, Mauritius Air, EVA, ANA, Korean Air, Japan Airlines, Emirates, Virgin, Qantas, British Airways and all of the above US carriers.

Frankly speaking, everything on the US carriers really sucked. Big time.

From seating space, to inflight entertainment, to quality and customer service of flight crew and even the baggage unit, hospitality, food ...everything failed miserably.

Seating space is crammed. You can feel the front seat right smack on your face. And I mean really right smack and even more so if the passenger in front had adjusted his seat to lean backwards. Your knees will touch the seats that it will be hell to just move out to the loo especially when you are on long flight and have a kid with you. So it's better to get the aisle seat.

Inflight entertainment. When most flights have upgraded to touchscreen monitor and have continuous and uninterrupted entertainment, the US Airlines in general, expect us to watch the movies at their own timing, not ours. When I thought that Americans are technologically more advance, their aircrafts, however, are behind many Jurassic years away. The remote control at the side is not covered unlike JAL so most often our arm would have pressed onto the keypads and accidentally change the channel or volume. This can be irritating not only to you but if you unknowingly pressed on your neighbour's remote. The aircrafts do not even have games to entertain those who do not want to watch the movie or listen to the radio. At least, with games, it will help to keep kids entertain on long flights. Talking about kids, they are not very kid friendly. They don't provide complimentary toys or games or snacks for the kids much less smile at anyone of them or assist to make a crying infant and a stressed passenger comfortable. I sense that kids are more of a pest than anything else to the crew.

Quality of crew. First thing, you don't really get good-looking stewards or stewardesses but that does not matter if you can work but if you are also overweight and really old and does not look like you can stand for very long, it is a wonder whether you are of any help. One thing for sure, unlike other airlines, the crew on the US airlines do not offer help with your luggage. To hell if you are struggling, they will not bother. Usually, during boarding, the crew are hardly in sight or you may spot two of them happily yakking or gossiping together while a passenger is struggling with his or her luggage.

And I can tell you I have met many downright RUDE airline crew from American Airline as well as from the other US airlines. With the exception of one or two smiley crews, perhaps the ones that I encountered are those who are either waiting for retirement, or the work is no longer enjoyable to them. To these crew, may I suggest that they should just get themselves grounded or work in a non-customer service department. Without them, at least the flying experience will be much more pleasurable.

Once on a Continental flight, after having made my halal food request a few days earlier, this particular stewardess said rudely that I did not make the request, she does not have anything for me so point blank, she told me that it's either I eat or don't. And to think that the airline that I took before that connecting Continental flight, which is United Airline had my halal food so I was surprised that Continental could have blundered that and blamed it on me. On top of that, they did not even offer an alternative until I suggest whether my son and I could have some roll and butter.

At another time on another US airline that I cannot remember which one, this steward was stumped when we asked for our halal food, because according to him, he had asked us earlier and we told him that we didn't want to eat. My husband and I looked at each other and wondered when did he ask us. He was upset and I don't understand why and went to the galley to get our food at the same time complaining to his colleague loudly about us.

On American Airline, I heard this rather rude stewardess speaking in high tone to a passenger who could hardly speak English. In a very loud and sarcastic voice, she said, "I cannot understand WHAT you are talking about." Opening the foil on the food, "You want this or this?" "WHAT?" "WHAT?" "YOU DONT WANT TO EAT?" "FINE!!!" and she stomped off. Is this the way they treat passengers or is this the way they treat Asian passengers? And I can vividly remember her name.

Again on AA, my husband was asked by a stewardess, "We have pork. You either eat it or you don't." Mindless people! Clearly, she had served us our halal meal earlier so I think she is probably suffering from selective amnesia. Then there is something really wrong with their recruitment strategy.

Another time on AA, another stewardess kicked my leg twice and at both times without apologising. Something was on the floor but she couldn't just pick it up and yet she just brushed it off with her foot and kicked my leg instead while I was snoozing.

And the food is downright miserable, deplorable and horrible. When halal food is available, it is often the same white pita bread, weird tasting curry tofu, sour tomato eggplant and some bland yellow rice. Sometimes some "grass" is included. For heaven's sake, we are not vegetarians. The US airlines forgot that when we request for halal food, it will mean that all our food on that flight whether breakfast, snacks, tea or dinner will have to be halal as well. It only happens on US airlines somehow. Most often the snacks given to us are not halal as these would be the same snacks given to every one else and these are usually pork, chicken or beef sandwich. I think this is a case of blatant ignorance and total insensitivity on the part of the airline management to cater to the varied needs of their passengers.

Most of the other airlines fare much better than any US airlines, that's for sure. For now though, I believe Emirates will definitely give SIA a run for their money. While I find that JAL and Korean Air have rather good inflight entertainment and "dainty, polite" crew, I find that SIA crew is a bit "crass" these days, but food and hospitality is still the best. The crew on Air Mauritius is rather "snooty" but Virgin's crew is "hilariously weird" or is it "weirdly hilarious" while Qantas and British, are "politely snobbish".

US airlines better buck up or maybe not...

My transit story

My video and stills camcorder decide to go awol on me, so I can't upload any pictures for the moment. So here's my transit story.

What was supposed to be a 3 hour transit at Narita Airport in Japan for our connecting flight back to Dallas, Fortworth became a 3 day transit instead.

We boarded JAL from Changi Airport at 6.35 am and by the time we were reaching Narita, we were told that the airport was congested because of flight delays etc. That particular Saturday, according to news we heard later, was one of the worst snow fall day in Narita, whereby the airport personnel were not equipped to handle the deicing and so on. So we circled the sky for about an hour. When the aircraft was finally given the green light to land, there was no parking space. Initially we were so excited seeing snow fall and the airport blanketed in white. But after sitting in the airplane for two more hours without a parking space and our bodies and butt were already aching from the long flight, we panicked knowing that we might miss our connecting flight to Dallas. Then again, we prayed, if there were a lot of delays, probably the flight to Dallas would be delayed as well. We knew that we were not the only one on connecting flights so that was sort of a relief in that sense.

Three hours later, we ran out of the airplane and were making our biggest strides ever. Our American Airline connecting flight was departing at 7.30 pm delayed by 10 minutes so here we are queuing for our boarding pass at only 7.20 pm. We caught our breath and when we saw the flight time changed to 8.30pm, we were a little relief. At least we had time to go to the restroom and freshened up a little.

8.30 pm came and nothing happens. All the passengeres were lingering restlessly, and finally an announcement came that says the American Airline flight to Dallas was cancelled, and all the passengers were required to queue again at the counter to get their next ticket or boarding passes for whatever flights available for the next day.

We were all so exhausted and hungry. While Tahir went to queue, Afzal and me find a seating spot for ourselves. Then we heard that all the other flights were cancelled too. The boarding area were crowded with passengers. BUT what was so irritating was Singapore Airlines had constant announcements asking their passengers to get snacks, refreshments (hot and cold beverage), even phonecards and later sleeping bags. American Airline (AA) did not make any announcement and did not offer anything and Tahir was still queuing until he ached and asked me to take his place for a while. Three hours later, closed to midnight, he finally got a pass for the next day's flight at 10.30 am. I just could not understand why it took so long for American Airline to process that while I'm assuming that SIA just took the same lot of passengers from the same delayed flight to the next day without having to queue again.

Then it really irks me that AA did not offer sleeping bags much less accomodation. Almost every other passenger had a sleeping bag with food. Those who doesn't, at least have blankets with food from Cathay Pacific. What is AA doing? Nothing!

I even went up to Singapore Airlines counter and offered to pay for the cup noodles but they would not let me. At least they took care of their passengers' interest first. So my son slept on the hard cold seats. We did not even have jackets with us because we thought that by the time we reached Mobile, we will be able to withstand the cold and jumped into our car and headed home. A kind passenger seating opposite us offered a Cathay Pacific blanket so I covered my son with that. Tahir slept sitting down, while I had an extra seat to put my legs up and slept in an almost foetal position.

We couldn't sleep properly though, and we could hear some snores from the warm bagged up passengers. When Afzal woke up wet from his pee, I changed him to the extra clothings that I brought only for him. So we waited again. When morning came, Singapore Airlines again made an announcement asking their passengers to get breakfast from them plus hot beverages, an amenity bag and what not. We were waiting for at least something from AA but they did not bother. All there gave was just a tray of orange and apple juices and even then, we had to figure it out ourselves. I think AA was too ashamed to even announce that, which definitely pales in comparison to what SIA gave their passengers.

I took a long walk with Afzal to find some edible proper food somewhere, and we end up on a long queue just to pay for chocolate flavoured Poka biscuits and Pringles. All the time I was cursing AA in my head for their lack of customer service, then another kind passenger gave me a US$10 voucher that I could use to pay for the food and this time the voucher was from Northwest Airline. I thanked the Vietnamese guy but it made me want to curse AA again. Can't they even think of something to make their passenger feel a little better?

By 9.30 am, SIA had their passengers boarded and left. 10.30 am came and then we were told the flight was delayed to 12 noon. I don't know what to feel anymore.

12 noon came and we were waiting to board the flight. We were the first in line because we had a child with us, BUT we were not allowed to enter because our tickets were not valid. Huh??? We did not have boarding passes. Tahir sweared that those were the only tickets given to him and the AA personnel at the counter told him those were all he needed to board the airplane.I was pissed with my own husband then when we had to wait by the side and let the other passengers enter one by one leaving us stranded there but then there were other angry passengers too who could not board the plane. There were also passengers who were already in the airplane but were offloaded because AA overbooked the seats. I went to the departing counter myself and raised my voice, "My husband queued three hours last night and you gave us this, and you told us that was all we needed!" And all AA could say was "We're sorry, there was no excuse on our part for that mistake." Argghhhh!!!!!! They made the mistake and we had to pay for it.

The airline personnel took the stranded passengers back to the AA counter to queue again for another flight out. This time around I made sure I was at the counter so that I can say a piece of my mind, knowing that hubby wouldn't rattle and nag at them as much as I would. There were other flights in the afternoon but to Chicago and San Francisco or somewhere else but we had to be on standby because the flights, according to them, were all fully booked. I told them "we were not going to be on standby. You better give us confirmed seats." Confirmed seats would have to be for the next day at 7.30pm. Well, I am not staying another night at this airport! (and I rattled about how they did not even bother to give us sleeping bags and food and expect us to stay at the airport again. We have not even showered and everything...blah, blah, blah) But the people at the counter were Japanese and they were polite despite my ramblings and anger so they put us up at a hotel. We had to clear immigration but without our luggage because the luggages were on holding somewhere and it would be a hassle. So we left the airport, no luggage, waiting for the shuttle bus in the freezing cold to bring us to the hotel. At least I felt a little bit better, because I sorely need to shower and a comfortable place to rest. We did not have extra clothings (at least I have extra undies) so we slept in the sleeping robe provided while I made Afzal slept only in his brief, and cover him with the blanket. He was so malu at first. Well, we told him we got to survive. At least he has an extra set of clothings that I washed and dried.

Since we had some time that Monday morning, we took a bus from the hotel to the nearest shopping centre and was there for three hours before we went back to the hotel at 2pm. We bought jackets for ourselves. Once we were back at the hotel, we showered but had to put on our since Saturday clothes and left the hotel for the airport at 4 pm rather early, because we just cannot wait to go home. Tahir missed his work and Afzal already missed school.

But when we reached the airport, we were told that the 7.30 pm flight will be delayed till the next day at 11.00 am. My goodness? Are we going to be stranded here forever? What the (whatever) is AA doing? They blamed it on the airport for the deicing was taking longer than expected, blah, blah, blah. I think it is all bull. If SIA flight could leave at 9.30 am why couldn't AA? Because AA just did not try hard enough. This time Tahir lost his patience. They cannot even transfer us to a different airline because according to them, every flights were all fully-booked. Though we complained because of their lack of customer service, she just nodded and I felt that it was pointless arguing. All they could do was to put us back to the hotel. We would have worn the same clothes for another day, and would AA compensate for all these - the fact that we had to buy new jackets, a top, the meals that were not provided etc etc ....

We met some other passengers that were pissed too but they felt sorrier for us because we had been delayed for three nights.

So finally the next day, we boarded the 11 am flight to Dallas Fortworth tapi apakan daya, sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Bila kita sampai Dallas, kita kena check out the luggage through customs and checked in again. But of course, luggage were missing.

Itu satu hal. Paspot saya dan suami tidak ada hal tapi entahlah kenapa, paspot anak buat hal. Padahal bukan kali pertama keluar masuk US. Dah masuk tiga kali dah. Pegawai imigresen kata "case of mistaken identity". Kena masuk bilik supaya pegawai lain boleh check lebih terperinci lagi. Nak mistaken identity dengan siapa? Kalau termistake dengan nama terrorist pun, pleaselah, tak tengokke budak tu belum masuk 6 tahun lagi.

Jadi terpaksalah tunggu. Darah nak menyirap pun dah tak boleh. Flight ke Mobile lagi sejam, dan kita seharusnya check-in setengah jam lagi. Setengah jam kemudian baru dapat paspot, terlari-lari dari satu terminal ke satu terminal, sampai kat boarding gate tercungap-cungap, nasib baik tak tertinggal kapalterbang kali ini. Kalau tertinggal, I would be lost for words.

Dah ditimpa tangga, tergolek-golek pulak. Sampai Mobile, kita kena lapor tentang luggage yang hilang, tapi rupa-rupanya luggage sudah sampai sehari sebelum tetapi di dalam kondisi yang tak menyenangkan. Garis dan ada koyak sedikit. Malas nak cakap. Nak ambil kereta sewa terus balik rumah, tidur sudah. Tetapi apabila sampai di tempat kaunter kereta sewa, kami diberitahu kereta sewa tidak ada sebab reservasi kami 21 hb dan kereta sewa tersebut dah keluar sebab kita tak confirm. Kita sampai 24 hb. Jadi kita terpaksa tunggu beberapa hari untuk kereta tersebut. Tak tahu nak marah siapa. Suami ke? Sebab taknak talipon tukar reservasi. Alahai.

Jadi, tunggulah teksi yang macam buah tak jatuh kat situ. Bila teksi datang, pulang rumah, muka ronyok dan hati bonyok, terus mandi, unpack sikit dan tidur...lepas tu anak pun start demam.

Still recuperating...

It will take at least 2 weeks for me to recover fully from this jetlag and all the emotional exhaustion. When most people would have travel back to their home country maybe once in two or three years, we have done that 3 times in 8 months. I'm not complaining to be back but the distance is taking a toll on me and even Afzal, what's when we were on one of the WORST airline ever, and that is American Airline! That is another story altogether. We were supposed to reached Mobile on the evening of 21st January after leaving Singapore on 21st early morning (Mobile is 14 hours behind time) but only came back on 24th January. You would never have guessed where we were for that 3 days...blog soon!

Anyway, dear Afzal came down with high fever for three nights after that, and I was feeling really sorry for him. For both me and hubby, our body clockwork was just not in sync with the central time here. For the last three days, we all slept on the carpeted floor in the living room huddled together under one big blanket, pillows and the cushions from the sofa so that we are within reach of Afzal. Besides the kool fever on his forehead, he had two types of fever medication, a pink and an orange liquid, the orange is to be used if his fever is above 38.5 degrees C and many times, his fever reaches 39.6 degrees C. I also standby a towel and a bowl of water so that I can sponge him throughout the night.

Today he is better, because he has asked for food and eating them. You know he is still unwell when he has no appetite for all the things he love to eat.

And I can't upload pictures from my Sharp Digital Camcorder because of the dew in it wherever it is. I hate this because everytime we went to a cold weather place, the dew comes in and I just could not use the video function and neither could I snap stills freely. Even after "hairdrying" it, sometines it works, and still at most times, it doesn't. Maybe it's time to invest in a good digital still camera. And maybe a separate videocam. Or maybe someone out there know of a good model that works in both cold and dry weathers. Sigh!

The first time I met him...

... was probably in October or November 1998. I was nervous and anxious, and my heart was beating really fast as my steps got closer to the meeting place. Doning a simple and yet stylish purple baju kurung, I had to make a good first impression. There I stood at the staircase landing, breathing heavily and rubbing my chest as if to calm my nerves before I turned the corner to be led to the house where I would be meeting him for the first time.

The door opened. A young girl in a traditional purple baju kurung greeted me. The girl was my boyfriend's youngest sister. The boyfriend that would become my husband now. I came into the house and saw my future in-laws. I salam both my future mak and ayah. No small talk, no interrogation, and all I was asked to do was eat. So I ate the mee siam kuah and ayam goreng, not much though, because I cannot feel the hunger. But soon the night was over and I thought, this was not so bad after all. I was ready to leave and as I salam both of them, ayah said, "Saya cuma nak yang terbaik untuk anak saya." Those words were enough to drown all the other words that he said after that. Those words felt heavy on me. Those were his killer words. I left the house feeling lousy and unsure of myself. Would I be able to be the best wife for his son? Would I be the best daughter-in-law for him?

That was my father-in-law. That was my first meeting of him and it was enough to instil a kind of fear or respect for that man. Hailing from Kelantan, he had traditional values and was very strong on Malay adat. I remembered the day of the merisik or maybe meminang, when ayah would open the greeting with a pantun in the likes of "...menyunting bunga di taman ..." something that I know my side of the family would rather go straight to the point instead of using such flowery language.

When we had our first house, we invited ayah to be the first to open the door to our apartment. I don't really know what the rules were, but I supposed it was something my husband had to do. It was also to show him that we respect him in some way. And he went into our house first, offering his prayers before the rest of us stepped in.

Ayah was strict when it comes to adat and respect for one's elders. He was a meticulous man as well, who expects high standards of hygiene in the home and on oneself. And when it comes to food, that is one area he would not stinge on. To him, good food with great hospitality is likened to the honour of the man and his family.

I somehow tended to believe that my husband, who is not very close to ayah as he is to mak, has many similar traits with ayah that he would like to believe. The only thing that I let my husband see is the occasional grievances that mak will feel because of ayah's insensitivity to mak and I hope that my husband will not do the same to me. I would gently remind my husband how sad that made mak and I would feel the same too if my husband did that as well.

Other than that, for all the similarities and differences that I and ayah had, eventhough I may not have totally agree with his ways, I have never disobey or disrespect him or the adat that he so cherished and valued. I also hope that I have been the best daughter-in-law that he could have for his eldest son. When we were leaving for the States after our second trip back home, ayah told me silently and emotionally at the airport that "Ayah yakin dengan (my name)". That was enough to make me feel that I have done something right with my husband and my son for him to have the "yakin" or confidence in me.

The house is now empty and quiet without him. The loss is felt for his presence is so strong and so impactful in our lives even in mine for whom I have only known him for seven plus years, what's more for those lives he had shaped and changed for the last 40 or so years that he was married to mak, or the 62 years he had known many others.

To ayah, may he rest in peace and may Allah bless his soul and offer him a place in Jannah, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart for his yakin in me.

Alfatihah.

What's Cooking?

School has started again after a short winter break, and off to school Afzal went this morning with a full load in his Batman's lunchbox - a small Glad tupperware of spaghetti bolognaise which we had for lunch and dinner the previous day, spaghetti in a zipper bag with an overdose of parmesan cheese that he so loves, four chocolate chip cookies, a small pack of Ranch flavored chips, a cup of jelly and his tumbler of water. And I baked 8 bite-sized tomato and cheese pizza rolls for his breakfast in which he ate 7 (because I ate one) with chocolate milk. And he was still feeling a lil bit hungry. A neighbor called to say that the Dad is sending the kids to school today so Afzal had one hour to linger in the house with tv as his entertainment and feeling a lil bit hungry. I kinda felt like eating mee hoon goreng pedas so in a magical instant, I fried the mee hoon goreng with cili, with added squids. I had my breakfast and Afzal was chipping in as I suap him with the mee hoon. "Enough Afzal, this is so pedas. You might have a stomach ache." "I love pedas" so says Afzal and true enough, he had to go to the loo.

After Afzal left, the house was quiet again. Well, at least I could have full use of the laptop. Oops, did I just sat that? Notty mummy!

There goes my day as I wondered what I should be doing, but I guess, this year I may have a purpose. It is still in germination so until then, until it really comes into fruition, then I may tell the world. For now this morning, I'm happily chatting with a friend in Germany, and my littlest brother in Singapore. Hooray for technology that can bridge people from different universe on one plane! When you're chatting, blogging, surfing, writing or doing some creative work like uploading pictures from your camera or designing a worksheet for your child, time just whizzes by and you realise that you need to cook dinner for your family. Afzal will be home by 4 pm so I must prepare our meals by then. So what shall I cook today? I've taken out the chicken and the leftover squids that I used for my mee hoon goreng ingredients. But I still have not decided what the dishes will be. Arghhh, this is one life of the sahm that just does not fit me - "thinking what to cook". To some, it's a no brainer but to me it's definitely something I have to plan. So I look at this slip of paper I have on the fridge, basically all the food that I have cook before since three weeks ago and I am wondering whether I should just repeat one or try a new recipe. Too much hard work to try a new recipe and I don't have the time, the mood or the ingredients. So I culled whatever I can from the fridge, and voila, I whipped a potful of green curry chicken and squid sambal. That's it. Lovely.

Friday evening, hubby company is hosting a dinner at some seafood restaurant in Fairhope, Daphne, about 45 minutes drive from our home. Hooray again as it means I don't have to cook for that day. At most, I will just make burgers, finger foods or nasi goreng for lunch. These I can handle. But before anyone thinks the seafood is like pari bakar, black pepper crab, sweet sour grouper, kailan or kangkong belacan, you will be so wrong! Seafood is probably boiled or grilled and definitely nothing pedas.

Then next week, it will be the 10th of January, the day of Eid dul Adha, and I am wondering whether I am expected to have a spread of feast. Hubby is working the night shifts on 9th and 10th so maybe he will not bother so much. I will be alone at home on Eid, and will be loyally "laptoping". If I'm in the mood, then maybe I'll cook some dishes that can safely be categorised as "Raya-able". Oh well, we shall see...

Until then.

The white mist came

There was crackling sound outside the apartment and I decided to peep through the blinds. Darkness was what I saw, nothing else. The digital clock showed 3 minutes past 12. I opened the balcony door and the sight that welcomed me was white mist, like as if I was living in the clouds. The mist enveloped the whole apartment. Was it raining? I thought. It was not very chilly but the parapet was a little wet, more so like dew drops after a night of condensation. There were still some crackling sounds, but I saw no activity in sight. It must have been some private celebration somewhere, that there were no fireworks to illuminate the dark night. It felt distant on a cold, quiet and stark morning of 2006. I was alone on the balcony watching the white mist amidst the darkness.

The phone rang early this morning. It brought news of hope. Mankind may have made his decision but only Allah wills it. And He has given a new year for all of us. Insya Allah and Alhamdullillah, I felt calm and full of gratitude. Gratitude to Him and also to those who have made prayers for us, Jazakallahu Khairan. May Allah give you the best rewards. I humbly and unabashly continue to seek everyone's prayers for ayah's well-being and for the woman who loves him so much. Without mak's love and determination to push on for alternative medicines, we might have just surrender his fate to the doctor's predictions. This is a time of great test that Allah has given to each of us. When we believe in Him and his qadaq and qadar, we will then learn to appreciate the reasons for every unfortunate circumstances that have befallen us. Like the saying, behind every grey cloud, there's a silver lining and perhaps that silver lining came early to me in the wee morning of the new year. Subhanallah.

Another day will pass...

...and soon it will be another year. And often at the end of the year and the onset of another, it does get you into a reflective mode. But one thing for sure, I have stop making resolutions because I will never keep them. However, I do have plans and I do have my own personal goals, but I am realistic enough to know that I may not be able to achieve these plans and goals within the year but at least in the coming few years.

Looking back at 2005, it is definitely an unusual year in many ways but it is also one of the most rewarding year. For one, I was confered my Masters of Science in Early Childhood Education from Wheelock College, Boston, Massachusetts. Yes, that studying, working, juggling wifehood and motherhood, and daughter-in-law-hood has finally paid off. I had always wanted a Masters degree one day and that resolution to actually do something about it came about only in 2000 and finally I embraced all my fears, my doubts and my insecurities and took the plunge at the end of 2003. So you know, my resolution took a couple of years to materialise. But I'm glad I did it. And I am sooooo happppppyyyyy!!!!

I have dreams of living in another country but it hadn't cross my mind that I would be living that dream in 2005 in the United States of America. But here I am living the good and laid back life of an 'expat' wife (ehem).

There were other moments when my life is not exactly rosy for me, and this year was also one of the worst time that I had to confront that moment. That painful and hurtful moment which I could still vividly recall and remember. But I am thankful that God gave me extreme strength and unwavering patience to see it through and still remain in one piece. Alhamdullillah. I continue to pray that that moment will not enter my life anymore. It will pass, really pass. Full stop. Period.

I quit my 'glamourous' job in June 2004 and for 7 months that I was not working but studying, I was the dutiful wife and mother, and also the unofficial chauffeur. The issue of not having any income of my own did bother me but that was one of the fears that I had to sort out myself and surge on with the support of my hubby. When I finally landed a job as a research associate in February 2005, I was happy and glad that this new position or career is so much in sync with the current priorities in my life and that would be a stepping stone to something greater and wonderful. But alas, that lasted for four months because I dutifully again, followed my hubby to the American soil. Once again without my own income.

I have no regrets, but much to be grateful for despite not having much income as I used to. Maybe He knows best and though we have sacrificed so much, I am satisfied to say that my not working has not been a financial strain to my hubby or our family. Of course, we could have so much more so that we can enjoy more things in life and settle any outstanding mortgage earlier, but I think my life has been richer for the lack of it. The only thing I feel is that I can offer so much of my time into good use like volunteering in my son's school but the lack of transportation has impeded my mobility. I write Malay stories but have not found an outlet for it to be published and shared. I wish I could contribute my intellectual thoughts somewhere but for now, only this blog and my multiply site have been my intellectual (and maybe emotional and social) playground. No matter what, cos the time will come when it comes, I'm loving this 'being at home in US' opportunity as it will not come that many times in anyone's lifetime. I don't know how 2006 will turn out to be but I know for sure, certain important things need to be done especially when we return to Singapore, and there's a whole long list waiting to be checked and deleted.

Have a happy and blessed new year to all. May He grant all your prayers and doas and may life be what you wish and pray it to be. Insya Allah.

What shall I talk about?

At times I feel that I have so much to say but when I hit the keypads, the words get totally lost. Things seemed to be churning in my mind, but how I wished I can just spit it out on print. Alas, it is not so.

So where shall I start? Shall I talk about my trip to Atlanta, where we found a Mustafa-Center-like Global Mall in the heart of the city. And when I say Mustafa-Center-like meaning it was a little building that has everything from Hollywood Videos to tosei and punjabi suits and Indian salons. It's so weird somehow, like suddenly stepping into a different place and time zone amidst the few minutes drive to CNN studio center, and billboards of "Daisy does America" and "Anderson Cooper on 360".

Or shall I talk about how I met an old friend online? I knew she has been a blogger but I did not decide to drop by her blog and comment until yesterday, and how the past just jolted back into my memory. The past about how I was still single and trying to make it in KL and I met her. She was also trying to break into the KL scenes plus a few personal reasons of her own, and spent a night at my apartment. Alas, KL was too much of a culture shock for me. Truly, despite being Malay and having almost the same identity in many ways, it was a culture shock that I returned to Singapore after only five months. Then we met again and worked together in many tv related projects, that we stayed overnight in an editing suite in a Joo Chiat shophouse, and told our life stories to each other. Got cheated out of our pay and all that. But after reading her blog, it's amazing how life has turned out to be good for her in many ways. Alhamdullillah, and I'm so happy for her.

Or maybe I should just rant about my transit life here in Mobile, or about my dearest son who is tirelessly playful but just sometimes too much for me to handle, or about my own paranoia and insecurities as a mom, or even mundane stuff about the suddenly hot winter in Mobile. Perhaps I should just count my blessings, and instead of ranting, feel grateful for the things that I have and have experienced, for there would be many others who will envy the position and the current *profession* that I am in.

Whatever it is, the grass always seems greener on the other side, but I find comfort in a borrowed phrase, "because we are not there to see it on that side of the fence."

Amin.

Autumn... and winter....

Now you see it...........


Now you don't.........(the leaves I mean)





Here the father and son are at the Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta, Georgia. We were there over the Christmas weekend, just to soak in the atmosphere. Downtown Atlanta was like a ghost town because of the holiday but still it looks more fun than Mobile. There's the Georgia Aquarium, touted to be the biggest in the world (?). World of Coke, a sort of museum dedicated to the origins and evolvement of the cola. I later found out that the founder of coke was born and buried in Georgia. We toured the CNN studio, and got a snapshot with Larry King.