Understanding Malay

My British colleague picked up the phone and dialled a number of a Filipino colleague who is at another building to ask about a Filipino applicant's race which stated Malay, instead of asking this Malay colleague who sits 3 seats away. I overheard the short conversation of her surprise discovery that a Filipino is regarded as a Malay. And she asked whether in Singapore, the Filipino should be clustered as a Malay or "Others", the "Others" to mean anyone who is not Chinese, Malay or Indian. I wouldn't know what was explained to her on the other end of the line, but I would have guessed it anyway. The Filipino informant said that they should be clustered as "Others".

Intrigued with this new discovery, my British colleague looked at me, almost beaver-eyed, "how interesting... I mean to think, that Malays in Singapore is 99.9% Muslims but the Malays in Phillippines is 99.9% Roman Catholic." She was trying to swallow this new intriguing nugget of information with much amazement. I guess the "interesting" bit is perhaps, after being here for over five years, she must have thought Malay to be synonymous with being Muslim, only to discover that the Filipinos, who are predominantly Roman Catholics are Malays too. That was an eye-opener for her as well as for a Chinese Chinese colleague who have also heard this for the first time.

I've never really think much of this, as I never had contacts with Filipinos until recently. My husband was the first one to tell me this information as he had contacts with Filipino colleagues, and at that time, I find it interesting too but never bothered to go beyond finding out any information as to what or why they are being called Malay, the same as us. In the first place, is there really an us and them, or are we the same in many ways, except in the religion department?

Currently, I'm working quite closely with four Filipino ladies, all holders of masters degree, and though we are friendly, we have never bonded on a Malay level. Somehow, I've never think of them as Malays, but definitely Filipinos, and I do wonder what they think of me. Perhaps, they have similar view as I do. Maybe one day, we should get together for coffee and discover our Malay-ness or Malay roots, and what does it mean to be Malay. Until then, here's a definition of Malay from this

site

1. member of SE Asian ethnic group: a member of a people who inhabit the Malay Peninsula, Indonesia, and other islands of the Malay Archipelago and the Philippines

2. language of Malaysia: an Austronesian language spoken in Malaysia and in parts of Singapore, Borneo, Sumatra, Java, and surrounding areas. Native speakers: 22 million - 100 million.

Apart from the above definition, besides Malays who have travelled and lived elsewhere, and are not counted as being indigenous, there are indigenous Malays in South Africa, also known as Cape Malay.

So what does being Malay to you means? Especially if you are Filipino, South African, Singaporean, Indonesian, Bruneian or Malaysian...or even immigrant Malays living in other parts of the world.

We will be moving again...

...but still within the confines of Singapore shores.

The property market is the craziest ever this period. While some are getting richer and fatter pocketing money to the tune of millions, there are others, property-less people like me, who just need a nice roof to sleep under, and yet we are strickened by this sudden rise in property prices and the government is not doing anything about it.

Imagine the landlord is asking for a $800 rise in the rental price of the place that we're currently staying. That's really cut throat. Eversince we came back from Singapore, we have not decided to buy a house. Rather than describing our situation as "unsettling", I would prefer to think that we want to be "mobile". Buying a house now would tie us down so we would like to see what our situation will be in say two years time before we decide to buy or not to buy.

Guess we are thinking of going global...hopefully, wherever this bumi Allah will take us. Insya Allah.

Tis the season to be jolly...with lots of damage to the wallet

June school holiday has never been an issue until this year. This year where Afzal is in so-called "dah sekolah betul" (proper school) like as if he was never in proper school before. In other words, no more gallivanting or going on holidays at our whims and fancies or at any time of the year except on official school holidays. But we are kind of a level-headed parent, we never suka-suka do that except when we were in US. The reason is we have to go back to Singapore during our festive occasion or when the occasion was necesary and it does not coincide with the US school's holiday.

Since this is the season to be jolly, we had done many things jolly or otherwise. Afzal did pretty well in the first half of school and since he will be going through or rather went through a "coming of age ceremony", mama gave him a surprise.

Nintendo DS lite with all the works. Yes, the damage was quite huge as mama bought herself a digital camera too.

Circumcision ceremony for Afzal and his two other cousins. Pictures and blog to be posted at multiply soon, real soon when Mama finds the time to upload the pictures in her laptop at home.

A holiday trip to A'Famosa with the hubby's siblings, nieces and nephews. We stayed at a 4 bedroom bungalow with a pool and that was a blast for the kids. More pics and update later, if ever.

Homework to catch up with since Afzal has to write about his holiday, and guess what, something happened to the Nintendo DS Lite barely two weeks of conception and it was all partly due to mama's negligence, yes mama's, not Afzal. Another damage both to the expensive toy and mama's purse again maybe.

Till mama feels sane again...

Is there such a thing as...

...a maid destress therapy? If there is, I need one.

There are many types of maid stories in the news. The ones that were abused by the employers, on one hand, and the others that abused their employers' relations like murdering the mother and mutilated the kids. Then there are the heroic employers and employees, where they each nominate the other for being 'heaven sent'.

The last time I came into close contact with a maid was some seven or eight years ago, when my maternal grandfather was ill. My mother and one of her nephews (grandfather's grandson) decided to take a maid to care for my ailing grandfather.

She is a sure blood-sucker. Tell her not to do something, and she still did it. Everytime she spoke to her husband or cannot get through to him on the phone, she will cry and be moody. She blamed my mom's nephew for not sending her letters to her husband. When she did not like what was being told to her, she showed the 'black face' and often raised the temperatures of my mother and her nephew with her favourite line of "terserah" (as you wish). Initially, we wanted to let her continue working even after my grandfather's demise, but her attitude was intolerable. She was sent back, and that was it.


Now, let me tell you why I need a maid-destress therapy.

My current maid is not like the maid above. She will not show me a black face. If she was being reprimanded by me, she will show me a confused look or a silly smile. Except with two or three occasions, where I was really angry and upset, most of my reprimands were rather mild. So maybe, that's the reason for the silly look on her face that sometimes irks me. But, but, but, she is really good at playing psychology.

This maid likes to tell me of her "dreams", fabricated or otherwise. She would tell me she dreamt that her mother was sick, or her father died. So when this happened before, I told her one day, that if she wishes to call home or goes home, she just needs to tell me, there is no necessity to create some dreams. But no, she would meekly and adamantly say that it happened in her dreams,"Oh iya, saya mimpi, betul." But of course, her parents are fine alright.

Last evening as I was cooking in the kitchen and she was there to help me, there was the usual conversations here and there, and finally the topic of "I had dreams" came up again. OK, there she goes again, I told myself.

This time, she told me she dreamt about 'qiamat' (doomsday). That actually gave me a shudder. The reason being, I dreamt about 'qiamat' some few weeks back too. I only told my husband about it. Sidetrack: When I dreamt about 'qiamat', the visions of which were different from hers, I was really scared. I actually woke up in cold sweat, my heart beating really fast and my lips kept saying Nauzubillah. The time on my handphone showed 4.33 am.

Then she went on. She said she even dreamt about ghosts. And that there is actually one in my house.

That's it! That really irks me. I've lived in this rental house for nearly a year, and I feel really fine and comfortable and this maid had the cheek to play with my mind. She not only want me to believe that she dreamt about ghosts but goes to the extent of claiming that my house is inhabited as well.

You see what I'm saying. She will surely ace in psychology.

Should I send her back? Because I no longer have a good feeling about her.

And so the saga continues...

After asking her about the calls and smses, and I used the word asking, not even confronting, she claimed that her brother knew that handphone number because I ever used that phone to call her kampung so that number was registered in her brother's handphone. Ok whatever...maybe my memory failed me but she remembered? Or that was part of the plan? Hmmm.

Anyway, she said she hasn't call her kampung for a while so I let her used my handphone to call her kampung. She chatted with her brother for a little while and as always, she would have a confused look on her face. Later I asked what her brother wanted, and she told me a story. It could be true, no?

...of how her kampung was inflicted with drought and the crops did not grow well and that basically the crops either died or cannot be sold. So the menfolk have to migrate to the city to find work. Not a bad idea eh, I thought, if the menfolk have to move to the city for a while to find work until a better harvest comes.

And then I asked again, "Did he ask you for money?"

"Yes."

"So?"

"I dont know."

So here goes:-

"Last time when I worked for my previous employer, I borrowed $300 in advance."

I looked at her with a stoned face, I said, "Even if you ask from me, I wouldn't lend you any money."

"How long have you worked here?

"Four months"

"How much do you have?"

"$100"

"Do you want to send that money back?"

"No"

So she doesnt want to send her money back, but hinted that she might want to borrow $300 from me. Was I mean? The reason I was having doubts was because her brother sms said he wanted to get a new handphone, not because of some withered crops.

She meekly asked for advice on what she should do.

So I asked her again, "What's your objective of coming to work here?"

She kept quiet.

"Didn't you intend to build a house?"

"Yes"

"So, if you keep spending money (she used the little money that she earned to splurge on some little stuffs for herself ...like red underwear, baby tees, hand lotion, hair lotion etc) and sending money at every call from the kampung (for unnecessary things like a new handphone) .. . when are you ever going to build a house for yourself?"

She kept quiet, as if listening intently to my advice.

"And by the way, your passport is expiring in August, and you need to renew it for a fee that you have to pay yourself, but if you feel you need the money, you don't need to renew your passport. I can send you back."

Period.

Four months and a week after having her...

I'm having doubts that I can have a chummy relationship with the domestic helper. Not that I was expecting to be a buddy with her, but at least, an understanding employer. She was ok, I thought. And I see a possibility of renewing her contract after two years. But I couldnt help feeling angry with her for not telling me straight that she made a hole in one of my scarves during ironing, and not a cheap one at that. I asked her what she did the whole day, but nothing of burning a hole in my scarf came up until much later in the night, when I realised she hasn't washed a pailful of scarves that was left in the morning in the laundry. We left her alone in the house in the morning and came back very late at night, and what was she doing the whole time? Her excuse was the clothes on the line were still not dried yet so she did not do the washing as there will be no place to hang them. I think this is rubbish, as usually she would hang them on hangers and hang it at the yard if the clothesline were full.

This may be a small tiny matter that does not personally require her to be sent back to the agency, but because of the "forget to pick Afzal up once incident", "a few times waking up later than me with the excuse that the alarm clock never ring", "her handphone issue" yes HER handphone, "another handphone issue", and the "two bright red underwear", I'm very suspicious and cautious of her.

This girl has worked here for four years in some other household before. I believed she loved the colour red, as the first time I picked her up, she was wearing a red scarf but has since not put any scarf on while working with me, though I have never stopped her from wearing them. She claimed her handphone that she bought from her previous work here is red which was kept by the agency and she will only be able to get it back after working for three months provided her work is good. So she's been bugging me to get her handphone back from her agency. But the agency claimed that they have misplaced or lost her handphone blah blah blah.

I actually gave her one handphone for use in case I need to get in touch with her or my son. But I specifically told her it's not for her personal use. If she wishes to call home, she has to inform me first, and she can use my handphone for that. But I checked the handphone that I gave her for our use and there was a call made to her brother on Apr 27, and just today, her brother smsed her twice using that handphone number. I'm beginning to feel that she is not telling the truth or she is doing things behind my back and not informing me.

I used to be nicer to her, but of late especially after she burned my scarf and woke up late again, my conversations with her is just purely instructions to do this and that. I think she realised that as well and have not made much small talk with me too. She is definitely guilty of something...

Hmmmm, so tell me...

When words matter ...

Hubby is a strange person. He is not endowed with the gift of the gab, but that does not mean he is not good with words. He is not the expressive sort, and yet he used to write short stories in Malay, comic strips in Malay and even contribute his own political analysis of situations in Malay to various local and overseas newspapers. But when asked him to talk, he gagged. When asked him to express his love for me in written form especially when it comes to my birthday cards, he will just find a nice card with nice words, and add my name on top and sign off with his name below. That's my hubby for you. Anyway, after nearly seven years with him, I did not request him to write any lovey-dovey stuff anymore but my birthday card this year is really sweet. I'm so touched. It means so much to me. Eventhough the words were not his, he bought it because it expresses his feelings so accurately and so aptly that he even blancoed two words on the card. The reason being it was a phrase from the bible, and another word, he replaced it with Allah.

I'm glad that I'm a blessing to him. And our love is a blessing from HIM.

A pat on the back...

for Malay children who took their O levels in 2005, for having done well in English.

Percentage of GCE O Level Students Who Passed English Language.

Malay - 76.7% (2004), 85.1% (2005)
Chinese - 85.5% (2004), 85.6% (2005)
Indians - 89.9% (2004), 92.2% (2005)
Others - 89.9 (2004), 92.8% (2005)
Nat.Ave - 85.0% (2004), 86.1% (2005)

So, the Malays have done very well in this area, for the first time since the statistic in 1996, the percentage have exceeded 80% and increased by substantial margins. Syabas Melayu...that means our English is powderful too! err powerful I mean.

Hopefully this will inspire us to continue to do even better.

Time to reflect again

on the past year or the past 35 years...what have I achieve? What have I done? Where am I now? Where will I be going next?

The Wage Rage is on...

If the ministers and civl servants deserve a pay raise, I believed there are others in other professions who deserve more than what they are getting now too.

Do take a look at the pay of television producers / directors in our national tv station especially those who are doing the non-English and non-Mandarin programmes. It's really way below market rate, and for some, with the amount of quality work and time that they put in, their pay is lower than that of an equally oustanding primary school teacher's salary, and the teacher had less working years as compared to the producer. It's true. I'm not kidding. Therefore, in this instance, it's not really true that civil servants pay are lower than some individuals in the private or statutory sectors. Well, maybe the other organisations are not paying them accordingly and so many have either left, or continue to suffer in silence.

I think that early childhood teachers pay also deserve to be given a scrutiny especially if the teachers come with bachelor or master degrees and years of experience. Based on some salary of preschool teachers, it really does not help to pay their bills so they may have to take on extra jobs like giving tuition...or if their hubby (if they are married) can afford it.

Passion cannot be the answer to the kind of pay these people are getting all the time. I'm sure our deserving ministers and civil servants are passionate about their jobs too.

Someone is reminding us just in case we forget

ummahfilms

Ekstra!

Pesta Perdana 9 Ekstra is making a rerun tomorrow at 7.30pm on Suria Channel just before the actual award show itself which will be telecast at 9.30pm.

Ekstra is only half an hour and features Diva N Huda presenting 9 reasons why you should watch Pesta Perdana. Peppered with some wicked humour, it takes a jab at the nominees and nominations of Pesta Perdana. I would call it sindir-sindir sayang. There are certain things that I could possibly be brutal with but it's not too nice to dry your dirty linens for all to see and you still have to sayang the hands that rock the cradle, if you know what I mean. The first watch was entertainingly wicked but I don't know how the second telecast will feel, after all we already knew the winners of Pesta Perdana 9.

Have fun watching and give me your constructive feedback.

No Vision?

Forgive me if I sound cynical or critical of my own race. But I can't help feeling burdened by the apathy of some of my people, yes some, not all. But this some, and the other some(s) do add up. And the sum of all the some(s) is negative.

Do read the following article, the ones in red is just me "thinking aloud".

1 in 6 Malay adults living with bad vision
(Study finds over 50% simply short-sighted which is easily treated)
by Salma Khalik, The Straits Times Health Correspondent

One in six Malay adults here is living with bad vision, even though many of the problems faced are easily correctable. Easily correctable so what's the problem...?

The findings from a two-year study have startled the doctors who conducted it. Associate Professor Wong Tien Yin said: "The situation here is comparable to rural Sumatra and not what would be expected in a developed country." Rural Sumatra??? That explains it all, isn't it? From the problem of lack of education to lack of eyesight, the Malay Singaporean mentality is that of rural Sumatra?!!! Really???

The opthalmologist with both the National University of Singapore and the Singapore National Eye Centre said more than half of them were simply short-sighted, a situation easily corrected with spectacles. Yes, short-sighted in all sense of the word.

A third had cataract, a layer clouding the eye lens, which can be surgically removed. The rest had more severe problems like glaucoma or pressure on the eyeball, and diabetic retinopathy which is a leading cause of blindness.

But what shocked Prof Wong was, when told that they would see better with spectacles, many said there were unlikely to follow up as they could not afford to pay for them. He said: "Some of them are very short-sighted." Puns intended, I supposed. They are short-sighted and they are short-sighted. Double whammy!!!

Prof Wong who headed the two-year $500,000 eye study on Malays here, said women were twice badly off as men. And among people 70 years and older, one in two is struggling with poor eyesight.

He did not have hard data to support it, but felt that "more men may have corrected eyesight because they go out to work. More women stay at home and feel they don't need to see so well."
Why? Why do Malay women have to feel that they don't need to see so well? Many household chores need you to see well!

It could also be ignorance on their part, he said, as well as financial constraints. Ignorance and financial constraits, again and again. These two traits seem to fit in well with the Malays, I mean some of the Malays. Kenapa agaknya?

Prof Wong said the team - which included members from the medical faculty, hospitals and the Muslim Religious Council, with help also from eye doctors from Australian and American universities - decided to study eye diseases in Malays because such data "is completely absent."

He is following this up with a three-year study of Indians here, starting this month. Later, the Chinese here will also be studied.

Comparing the Malay results with similar studies done in Beijing and Sydney, Malay Singaporeans are twice as likely to do nothing about their poor eyesight. No money, don't do lah. Got money, don't care.

The study of 3200 Malays aged 40 - 80 years old also found that out of five people, one had diabetes, three had high blood pressure and two had smoked with one still on cigarettes today.
hmmm...

The study findings were presented yesterday morning at an Asian eye meeting that has attracted more than 800 delegates from 33 countries. The four-day meeting at Suntec is hosted by the Singapore Eye Research Institute. The whole world is going to know the visionless state of the Malays.

When told of the findings, Madam Halimah Yacob, head of the Government Parliamentary Committee for Health, was "very disturbed." Yes, be disturbed. Be very disturbed. I'm disturbed too.

This will affect their quality of life. We must find out why. If it's ignorance, we must find some way of reaching out to them," she told The Straits Times. Yes, precisely. All the ignorance in eyesight or other equally important things lead to poor quality of life.

If it is cost, she said her constituency in Jurong GRC gave out 200 pairs of free spectacles last year and also in 2005 - following free eye checks. The same could be done for these people. Kalau free, mesti semua nak punya. Is it our Melayu semua nak free ke? Takkan, semua gamen nak bagi free dari free preschool education to free spectacles. Are the Malays too reliant on handouts? Or mungkin memang gaji kita ni the lowest tak kalau nak dibandingkan dengan rakan-rakan kerja yang melakukan kerja yang sama tapi mungkin dalam aliran yang lain...ish jangan cakap kuat-kuat.

She plans to get the Malay community to work with the doctors to help this group see better. Puns intended. See better and see better. Yes, please! Wake up lah Melayu and look at the bigger picture.

Prof Wong responded immediately to say that he was pleased that she is taking up the cause and would be happy to work with her.

Silver Screen Star ... Wahid Satay.

I took Mak's hands and quickly descended the steps of the TV Theatre to where Pak Wahid Satay was seated with his beloved wife. Fortunately for me, there were no one there to cajole or congratulate Pak Wahid, and I immediately took that opportunity to ask him for a photo. He obliged willingly taking out his trophy from the blue box.

Anugerah Perdana Emas, the most prestigious award of Pesta Perdana that honours an individual for his or her lifetime contribution to the world of television, radio, music or movies was presented to Pak Wahid Satay, a silver screen star of the 1950s and 1960s. Despite knowing that he will be receiving the award some three weeks before the show, one cannot deny the elatedness in his expression and words. When his name was announced, he kissed his wife on her cheek on national tv, much to the applause and standing ovation of the audience at the theatre. In his acceptance speech, he was too overjoyed to be totally coherent and after he left the podium, he was dancing cheekily on stage and the camera managed to catch him with his antics.

According to the Straits Times, this 77 year old actor was lauded as the Jerry Lewis of Malaya, thanks to the slapstick humour in many Cathay-Keris black-and-white films of that era. Among his film credits would be Chelorong Chelorong, Jula Juli Bintang Tujuh, Badang, Bawang Putih Bawang Merah, Che Mamat Parang Tumpul, Pontianak, Anak Dara, and many more. Perhaps (and I've yet to check this out) it was through the film Satay, that earned him the tag Wahid Satay as we know him today. Born Abdul Wahid Ahmad, he is just one of a handful silver screen stars that is still living in Singapore. Among his comrades is S Samsudin, one of the Bujang Lapuk trio, in which I still adore to this day. Others that I know and making Singapore their home includes the First Queen of "Air Mata" (tears) Neng Yatimah. We also have the anggun Hashimah Yon, whom I remembered as the lady who was killed in an accident in Anakku Sazali, because Sazali (P Ramlee) refused to marry her after having her. Then of couse, we have another actress Salmah Ibrahim, and Zainon (Fiji) who has left the limelight.

I hope that there could be more awards, or events to honour these silver screen stars for what we have now - tv stars and not movie stars - pales in comparison to the contribution that they have made to our local film scene during their time. Have the Singapore Film Festival forgotten them? Just because they are not Zoe Tay or Fann Wong or Gurmit Singh for that matter. But they do matter.

Mak and the Stars...

I had a date with Mak on the night of 24th February 2007, and she gallantly agreed to be my companion to Pesta Perdana 9. In fact, throughout my career in broadcasting, that dated back to the year 1994, Mak has never step into Caldecott Hill to watch any of my shows, except for the time that she had to send Afzal for Krayon recordings. So here's Mak with just some of the stars for the night.


Mak and two of Singapore's leading ladies, Mastura Ahmad and Seriwahyuni Jaes. Mastura won Best Female Actress in a Supporting Role for her part in Dimensi ke 4. This is Mastura's third trophies having bagged two Best Female Actress in a Leading Role awards previously. Seriwahyuni, another best female actress nominee this year, has already brought home two trophies before. Kasut masih bau baru lagi, cik kaks...



The Best Actor in a Comedy Role landed on Ahmad Stokin's hands this time around. Well, Encik Mad, I sincerely hope it has made your day, a little icing on your tv career thus far and will bring in more offers of future roles for you. And the little lady with the white flower is Linilidia, part-time radio deejay and scriptwriter. First time working with her on Pesta Perdana 9 Ekstra, and I would say, it was great chemistry Lini to have worked with you.



Mak and her old friend from secondary school, the talented Jainon Pari. Her character in Cinta Q does not explore the range of emotions that she had unlike her formidable performance in Rahsia Perkahwinan. For that, I would have given out two awards that year, one for the deserving and winner S Effendi, and another for deserving Jainon Pari.



The all-time favourite comedian, Alias Kadir. Though he lost this year to his comrade Ahmad Stokin, he jolly well knew that he already had three trophies for the Best Comedian/ Best Actor in a Comedy Role, that it will be a feat for another actor to beat him to that. Alias came up to me and said that he would be serious to do some serious roles from now...producers out there, you hear!




The ever witty and talented Mr Suhaimi Yusof. Holding the fort alone for Pesta Perdana 9 this year, did not in any way affected this man or the show. In fact, Suhaimi saved the show during a technical glitch when the music stopped half way during Ismail Haron's performance. Suhaimi came on stage and apologised to Ismail for having stepped on the cable that brought laughter to the theatre and smoothen the tension and flow for the next item. Wit and experience are something that cannot be taught and this is good lesson for new presenters out there. Aspiring presenters out there...do you think you have it like Suhaimi Yusof?

Melayu harus mampu!

Laporan BH hari ini mengatakan bahawa "Melayu semakin sanggup belanja demi pendidikan anak-anak."

Mungkin lebih tepat adalah orang Melayu berkemampuan semakin sanggup belanja demi pendidikan anak-anak. Antara perkara yang dibelanjakan ibu bapa adalah dengan menghantar anak-anak mereka ke kelas-kelas pengayaan (enrichment) sejak anak itu berusia 3 tahun, dan membeli buku-buku tambahan seperti buku-buku latihan prasekolah, atau buku-buku latihan mata pelajaran Bahasa Inggeris dan Matematik.

Ini adalah suatu perkara yang sangat menggalakkan sekiranya secara purata bilangan ibu bapa Melayu yang prihatin tentang pembelajaran anak-anak mereka sudah meningkat.

But let's not rest on our laurels. Sebab ini adalah perkara yang sepatutnya bukan baru malah sudah lumrah ibu bapa bangsa lain. Lagipun, saya masih ingat, semasa saya di sekolah rendah pada tahun 1979, bapa saya sudah membelikan banyak buku-buku latihan. Cuma yang saya tahu saya tidak mempunyai sebarang pengayaan sebelum prasekolah. Itu dulu-dulukan.

Orang Melayu harus berfikir sejenak.

Rata-rata prasekolah yang dikelolakan oleh orang Melayu/Islam atau masjid-masjid di sini semuanya dengan harga yang amat berpatutan. Tetapi ada juga orang Melayu yang kadang kala merungut kerana mereka merasakan bayaran prasekolah PAP agak mahal dan sesetengah prasekolah privet Melayu/ Islam lagi mahal. But there's a price to pay for quality too.

Seorang bapa yang telah saya jumpa di sekolah rendah anak saya mengatakan yang dia amat gembira dan berpuas hati menghantar anaknya ke sebuah prasekolah privet bukan Melayu/Islam yang menelan belanja yang agak mahal. Ini adalah kerana, dia mendapati tahap konfiden and penguasaan bahasa Inggeris anaknya begitu ketara dan baik sekali. Malahan dia agak kagum bahawa antara darmawisata yang dijalankan oleh prasekolah tersebut adalah ke sebuah makmal sains Jerman. Dia menambah lagi bahawa 'graduation ceremony' anaknya diadakan di NUS Cultural Centre. Di sana apabila beliau melihat anaknya beraksi di atas pentas, bulu romanya ternaik dengan kepintasan dan keupayaan anak tersebut yang begitu menakjubkan. Let's just say, he gets what he paid for. He definitely can afford the fees of such a preschool and the benefits were insurmountable to whatever amount he has invested on.

Adakah sikap kiasu itu salah?

Ataupun ianya lebih baik sekiranya kita melihatnya daripada perspektif yang berbeza. Mungkin kita harus memanggilnya fitrah. Kita harus percaya bahawa setiap bayi yang masih lagi di dalam kandungan ibunya mempunyai fitrah, fitrah yang boleh digilapkan lagi oleh ibu bapanya. Jika kita percaya dengan fitrah bayi, kita harus membaca buku atau Al-Quran, menyanyi atau berkomunikasi dengan bayi kita yang masih di dalam kandungan kerana sains menunjukkan bahawa janin yang berusia empat bulan boleh mendengar suara ibunya.

So let's start even early, not just when the child is 3 years old. Sebab ada banyak cara dan pendekatan yang boleh diambil dalam pengayaan seseorang anak itu bukan setakat menghantar anak tersebut ke playgroup sahaja.

Buku latihan memang penting untuk ibu bapa memastikan anak-anak mereka mendapat latihan menulis dan kefahaman dalam sesuatu subjek dengan secukupnya. Tetapi buku-buku latihan hanyalah salah satu cara memastikan anak itu faham dalam sesuatu konsep. Malahan anak-anak kecil lebih memerlukan permainan yang bersifat pendidikan daripada buku-buku latihan. Terutama sekali dalam Matematik. Anak-anak kecil harus diberi peluang memahami sesuatu konsep melalui permainan kerana 'positive appreciation' untuk matematik lebih penting daripada penghafalan formula-formula yang si anak belum tentu faham konsepnya. Permainan boardgames umpamanya dapat menyemai nilai-nilai positif dalam matematik dan mengurangkan kebimbangan yang kerap berlaku kepada anak-anak yang takut dan berasa cemas terhadap monster yang dipanggil Matematik.

Jadi, saya mengesyorkan ibu bapa berbelanja untuk permainan yang berunsur pendidikan bagi menguatkan sesuatu konsep pembelajaran anak-anak. Banyak permainan yang berunsurkan pendidikan ini dapat memupuk nilai-nilai yang positif, minda yang cergas dan cerdas dan boleh membuatkan si anak itu berfikir dan berstrategi lebih mendalam lagi untuk menyelesaikan sesuatu masalah dalam akademik ataupun dalam kehidupan seharian mereka.


Permainan IQ Traffic atau Rush Hour menggalakkan anak-anak berfikir dan berstrategi bagi mencari jalan keluar untuk kereta mereka yang terperangkap di dalam satu trafik jam. Permainan ini mempunyai tahap permulaan sehinggalah ke tahap lanjutan.



Line-Up Four mengajak anak anda berfikir bagaimana menyekat penentangnya daripada mendapatkan empat warna sama dalam satu barisan, baik yang vertical, horizontal atau diagonal. Selain menyekat penentangnya, si anak juga harus mencari strategi untuk mendapatkan empat warna sama dalam barisan beliau.



Permainan yang agak asas adalah untuk si anak kecil mengenal pasti warna dan bentuk. Permainan ini adalah tahap kedua di mana si anak kecil harus mengenalpasti warna dan bentuk dalam satu rekaan tersebut. Ini dapat menyemai sifat tajam daya pemerhatian dan arif menilai sesuatu perkara dengan terperinci lagi yang amat diperlukan apabila mempelajari ilmu sains dan problem-solving dalam matematik.



Lagi satu permainan yang boleh menajamkan daya pemerhatian dan sikap terperinci seseorang anak itu. Ia juga menggalakkan anak-anak lebih fokus. Permainan ini mempunyai dua gambar yang agak sama tetapi mempunyai lima perkara yang berbeza. Ibu bapa boleh menggunakan apa jua bahasa yang disenangi anak-anak mereka tak kira bahasa Inggeris, Melayu atau yang lain-lain. Ini adalah kerana permainan ini boleh juga memupuk kefasihan bertutur dalam anak itu dan pembelajaran kosa kata (vocabulary) yang baru.

Many Malay children do not attend preschools

One of the headlines of yesterday's BH caught my eye. There it goes again, the same issues...'Ramai anak Melayu tidak hadiri prasekolah.'

It was not just about having no money, but for some of these families, it seems that their circumstances are more dire - there are survival issues to think about rather than sending their children for preschool.

Issues like, 'where to sleep for the night?' and 'where to get the next meal?' and 'how am I going to pay for the next bill - utilities and medical.' It looks like they have pressing immediate concerns that they cannot even think about the long term.

So how can this group of people be helped? Or are these group of people simply cannot be bothered and therefore will be the ones falling through the cracks? Are the current assistance schemes really enough or useful or targetting the root of the problems?

For a tongue-in-cheek look at the plight of the Malays, a blogger at http://www.happeepill.com/cartoons/enjetsemut/enjet.htm takes a humorous jab on the plight of the Malays. On the positive side of things, the Malays have a masterplan - their plan is for the Hereafter. But lest I sounded negative, I don't think some of those in need even have any plans, this life or the next.

Maybe I don't know the scope of their problems and if the community self-help groups are really interested in getting this group out of this cycle, something greater than what we have now have to be done.

When a single mother of 33 years old with 5 kids with ages ranging from 6 years to 14 years old do not send her kids to preschool, we know somehow it was not an easy decision if she is aware of the importance of education. First, her life is not an easy one, having to care for 5 kids, with the little income that she makes as a stall helper. Let's forget that she will ever get any form of maintenance from her ex-husband for a while, what do we do then?

It may be easier said than done, and I don't know the family enough to tell them what they need. And I may sound idealistic. But let's say it's a hypothetical family with hypothetical situation as above.

There's Kifas (kindergarten financial assistance scheme) that will pay 75% of the kids preschool education. There's a school grant of $200 for each child from a low income family given out by the government. There's the school pocket money fund from SPH. And I'm sure there are many others.

Every cents count for the family.

Can Mendaki or AMP or the Education Trust Fund or any other groups pay for the balance 25% of the cost of preschool for their children? I know one thing for sure the self-help groups do not want these families to be too reliant and dependent on handouts, as giving them free is as good as giving it easy without working hard for it. Like they say, 'Give them a fish, and they will eat for a day. Teach them how to fish, and they can have fish for the rest of their lives.' However, if it is 100% subsidised, at least the burden of fees is taken away from them. First and foremost, why can't we adopt a socialist stance on preschool education? Why can't preschool education be free for all? If it cannot be free for all, why can't it be free for this group of people?

There are many self help groups that give free schoolbags, stationery and books. That's savings too. With such savings, perhaps these families can then spend the money on other forms of enrichment for their children or themselves. But like it was mentioned in the papers, it's not just about financial issues.

The mom needs to work. So who can look after her children's needs so that she can work properly and maybe earn higher if she can study while working as well?

Instead of preschool help, why not childcare or daycare help? I believe they needed a place where their child will be looked after for most parts of the day while they are at work. In childcare or daycare, at least these kids will learn more rather than putting them in a crash course before starting primary one. They will also be able to socialise with other children and these will help in getting them adapted to primary school, for most of these children are not only academically weak but they lack in social skills as well. Free childcare or daycare assistance scheme is perhaps what they really needed instead of a short term crash course in preschool. It will also help the working single mother to concentrate on her job and perhaps learn another skill to supplement her income.

Motivation and Mindset Change. This is so important. We need good speakers who is able to do homevisits who is able to convince these families of a better life. We need good families who are able to adopt these families and their kids when it comes to showing them the way of a better life with education, a positive mindset and a motivated spirit. We need role models (someone who has been there, someone who was in their shoes before) but managed to get out of it to tell them that it can be done.

We need in depth programmes not a crash course. Haven't we learn that kids do not learn much by cramming everything in a few weeks? It has to be ongoing, it has to be in depth, not the attitude of "we give it to you already so you should be making it on your own." The truth is they still can't.

If hypothetically you have 5 schoolgoing children, and if you are certain that your life will change for the better if your eldest has a university degree, then the mother has to slog for another 10 years before her eldest child of 14 years of age is able to graduate with a general degree. So she needs support for 10 years, ceteris paribus, as her children get older, and their schooling needs get more demanding.

10 years of support for 5 school-going children who will make it...that's a lot of money, time, programmes, tuition, motivation etc etc...that are needed. What the mom earn will go into their meals, their medicines, their clothings, their transport, their utilities, their little "enrichment" and savings for the future and rainy days. And $500,000 for all the programmes for needy Malays is really peanuts, if surely and truely we want to see just one success story. Maybe $500,000 is barely enough to support one family for 10 years before they can truly be on their own.

Between Sepet and Gubra

I was kind of disappointed. Perhaps I have set my expectations too high to the critically acclaimed films especially when Sepet has won the Best Film in the 18th Malaysia's Film Festival and Best Asian Film at the 18th Tokyo International Film Festival. I have never followed the works of Yasmin Ahmad, but having an award-winning contemporary female director, it definitely earned my top must-see list especially when there's so much slapstick movies made these days.

Perhaps it's the director's way of telling the story - the romance of a not-so-typical and yet typical Malay girl to a very Beng-looking and yet not-so-typical Beng. The underlying theme is clear, but the approach is so gentle, too diluted that it is not gripping enough. It does not really stretch the minds, or the OB marker, based on my standards. Perhaps to a very typical Malay audience, some scenes may have sounded the disapproval alarm, especially when Orked's mother and dad were both clad in sarongs. Dad, bared chest and mum, chest high. Another scene had them both sleeping, still sarong clad. This could be one of the reasons that Sepet and Gubra have not been shown on Malaysian tv screens.

Gubra was a bit more daring in her way of stretching the intimacy of Malay couples on screens. We had Orked, this time married to Arif, upset when her husband did not wake her up so that they can shower together. In order to make Orked happy, Arif scooped her off the bed playfully and into the shower. Artistically, the shower episode was not seen but we can hear their delightful screams and wails. It wasn't sexually suggestive but more playful fun, but then again, that's something new in Malay movies. The next scene was in the car, where Orked kissed her husband on his cheek. And I did not count how many times after that, that Arif kissed his screen wife Orked on the forehead or chin. Though there was one angry scene, there was a lot of peluk between them. And after the credits was over, we saw Orked in bed with Jason's brother (can't remember his character name for now), the one with the failed marriage to a Singaporean.

What I liked best about Gubra is perhaps the way Orked confronted her husband's lover. That was admirable, and something most scriptwriters may not have considered. You only knew of how hurt she was during the bedroom scene, but of course, like I mentioned above, it was full of embraced as the husband tried to win her back. There were two plots in the show, totally unrelated to one another, both with differing themes, but one thing for sure, what Yasmin would like you to accept is "do accept others for who they are and their differences is something that we could love". But Gubra looks like someone who wants to ask you to accept too many human's idiosyncracies in one movie, that it looks like it's coming from a disorganised mind after a while.

A multi-racial relationship is nothing unique or queer especially between a Malay and a Chinese in this part of the world. But how a story can be compelling and romantic is another. It was not really diabetically romantic, but then the subtlety is lost. I don't know anything much about Yasmin and her fascination for all men Chinese. Yet one cannot help in figuring it out especially when she also had a scene in Gubra where a Chinese nurse fell for Orked's larger than life Malay domestic helper. Then what is it again that had her made Orked and Jason's brother attracted to each other that Orked had to seek him out and finding them later together on his bed, with Orked's face hiding in his muscular bod. I hope it will not be the start of 'kissing', more daring 'sleeping' and 'embracing' scenes in future Malay movies. Because I was caught by a slight surprise that there was a cheek kissing scene in "Cinta", directed by Khabir Batia, and performed by on screen couple Rashidi (Vanida's husband) on Rita Rudaini. Hmmm, are we seeing more daring moves?

Next on the plate is "Mukhsin", the third sequel to Orked's life, this time flashbacked to the days that she was a young girl. I would still watch it though (because it will be better than all the not-so-kelakar comedy movies), but I hope it will be more engaging and scraping the bottoms of my cerebral, rather than just hovering at the top.

It's becoming a trend?

About three weeks ago, my husband received two invitations from his Malay friends celebrating their respective newborns one month old birthday. This week, he received another invite from another Malay friend, and we are wondering whether this is going to be a trend - a trend of following the Chinese custom of celebrating their newborns first month? We did not attend the first two, therefore we did not know how it was done - whether with the cukur rambut ceremony or not. But what we know is that one of the hubby's friend actually organised his kiddo's little celebration at his void deck - a celebration that is mostly for weddings or engagement ceremonies. So imagine the scale of the celebration? And for both earlier invitations, it was not even their firstborns.

My understanding is that, and pardon me if I am wrong, cukur rambut ceremony usually takes place after the child is 40 days old, usually after the mother has 'lepas hari'. Whatever the cultural or social significance of the cukur rambut ceremony, I am clueless, especially with the need to have the "kelapa muda" and all its other accessories as insisted by MIL during my time but what I understand is that during our Prophet's times, the hair that is shaven from the child is weigh and this weight is to be converted to gold and be used to help their poor. But I don't remember doing this. I don't remember weighing the hair or convert it to cash to help the needy. I only saw it soaked in that kelapa muda, and after that, entah diorang buat apa dengan benda tu? I only remembered the lavish occasion for my son, complete with marhaban and a buffet spread of nasi beriyani (because we had to do it that way, not that we want to do it that way), and furthermore it also coincided with our housewarming.

Maybe it is a happy occasion, one that calls for sharing and spreading one's happiness, but I don't see a need to have such an elaborate one-month old celebration. What's the significance, especially from the Islamic viewpoint except for the spreading of joy? Maybe I'm just selfish, I would rather enjoy my baby and me, with only family and a few close friends celebrating my happiness and joy.

Bridging the Gap

11 children, 2 adults with $300 aid and some rations?

You wonder what is life like? And with the need to survive, are they able to send their children to preschool? In the first place, do they even bother about preschool education for their children. I doubt it.

I used to wonder, what were their parents thinking? Especially when they knew that with their limited educational level, they have very little income and yet they decide to have many children. How are they going to feed their children well much less educate them. Thus the vicious cycle of being uneducated, being unemployable continues.

More than 13 years ago, I was at an “L” flat – those HDB housing with dark lanes as both sides would be dwellings of bedroom-less space. In one of these, a family of nine children and their parents, all crammed into it. They have been cut of their water and electricity supplies because their father cannot afford to pay. I was there to inform them to come down to the self-help center to receive their voucher aid so that their bills would be settle and they would have water and electricity. Another flat had a simple-minded young girl living with her father and simple-minded mother on cardboards and whatever abandoned and broken furniture they can pick up in their “L” flat. What was more eye opening was the stench of poverty that fills my nostrils from their abode that they call home.

At that time, I was young and naïve, and the things that I see was enough to put me in a daze. How could life be so harsh to this people? What tragedy or circumstances that have befallen them that they were reduced to such a state? Why didn’t the parents study harder during their school days so that they would have better jobs and better income to support their children? Why aren’t some of the so-called breadwinners working? And why are they having so many children, if they can’t give a better life to each and everyone of them?

I was told that the mentality of these parents is that “children are rezeki or gifts from God.” The more children, the more rezeki you will have from Him.

Yes, children are blessings. But these blessings will become a burden if you don’t or can’t work hard and have the means for all of them. Why have nine or eleven, when one or four are still blessings to be grateful with?

13 years on, some of these low social-economic-strata families are still having large families, and at times, the breadwinner ridden with sickness. Thus, they are still not able to cope with the demands of life itself.

According to the Straits Times January 27th report, at least 5% of children annually do not enter preschool at all. And I do believe that somehow or rather, the Malays form a higher proportion of these children. In 1997, a report by the then Minister for Education, Rear Admiral Teo Chee Hean, cited that about 5%-6% of Malay children do not register for primary one, while the Indians is at 4.5% and the Chinese, 1.5%.

At that time, part of the reason, besides dropping out of school, some of these Malay families send their children for a madrasah route. That aside, even the madrasah education, was without its criticism. And as such, by next year, it will be compulsory for all primary six madrasah students in all the six madrasahs in Singapore to sit for their Primary School Leaving Examination. Those madrasah that produces results below the national level for a number of years, will be asked to close.

Though many have felt marginalized by this rule, I see many good in this. Madrasah Al-Maarif, for instance, have move on to a bigger and better building, with more facilities. Al-Irsyad will also soon have their new building that will synergise with the needs of education in this era. That’s only the façade, and of course, many things are yet to be seen especially in terms of state-of-the-art facilities, curriculum, materials, and quality of teachers etc.

All the changes and help in the community are in the hope of bridging the gap. But more than 30 years of independence, the Malays are still left behind. We definitely have seen some good, however, the gap will continue to be there if there are no in-depth programmes to tackle every facet of underachievement in the Malays. By the time we close the preschool, primary and secondary gaps, the gap is even wider in the higher level. When we beam and shout with pride that are our kids have gotten a degree, the other races have raced to attain double degrees, masters and phDs.

So where are we at again?

Another mundane marketing musings

And so I was at the chicken stall this morning, when the abang cajoled me into buying fresh chicken. Doesn't matter if it's fresh because I will still put it in the freezer as I will not be cooking chicken today. So I asked for two - one to be cut into four pieces, the other twelve. Then as I looked on, the chickens were already without their head and legs. Not that it ever bothered me because usually I would just ask the what-do-you-call-a-chicken-seller to just throw it away. But my domestic helper is fond of chicken legs. So I asked for it. And then we got into a little banter about chicken legs ... the one I've heard before was "whoever eats chicken legs, can run very fast" but this abang was teasing my young Indon maid by saying that since she likes to eat chicken legs, it means she "kuat merayap" (like to go out). Indon maid gushed with "Ya Allah, Ya ampun" and looking at me fearfully. I played along, and outrightly mentioned that if she were ever caught "merayap", she will get it from me. Then the abang chicken said that I was unkind to let her eat chicken feet only. Of course, I let her eat chicken meat but she loves chicken feet and in fact, I was kind enough to ask for the chicken feet for her, in which my hubby would definitely be so geli with. So I told chicken seller, she loves the chicken feet "sampai gigit-gigit tulang". My Indon maid would actually chew chicken bones. Ok enough of this chicken feet ramblings, when the abang chicken said, you are so "mesra" (amicable) with your maid.

Oh, am I? Suddenly that put a perspective on things.

Frankly speaking, I do not know what kind of employer I would be. In fact, I was a very hesitant person ever to employ a maid. For the many many fears that I have not just about having a domestic helper but a stranger living with me, with my family in my house. A stranger who would be close to my son, who would manage my husband's and my dirty laundry, and a female stranger, that might be able to seduce, nauzubillah. You see, my thoughts would actually go this far, and these thoughts were communicated to hubby before we finally decided to get a helper.

Well, I don't know. In fact, I was frank to tell her that I do not know what kind of employer I will be. But for as long as she is living in my house, she has to follow my rules. She has worked here in Singapore for four years, thus that would say volumes about her experience. But I had to point out to her, that whatever way her previous employer decide to do things, it's their way, and I have my way, and she has to follow my way.

It's still too early to say anything. But I do know that I would not want to be the type of employer like my in-law side. Like I said, they have their own way of doing things, and I have my way. And if my way is not as meticulous and proper as theirs, it is still my way and within my comfort zone, it's fine with me.

In the first few days of her working in my household, I had sleepless nights. She was sleeping in the same room as Afzal, and somehow, I would wake up two to three times in the middle of the night just to check on them in their room. Though that feeling of wanting to check on her has subsided, the feelings of wondering what could be happening in that room besides sleeping do seem to play in my subconscious.

Also, in the first few days, every night before she sleeps, it seemed like a debriefing time for me to let her know what she has done right and what else can be improved. The debriefing has not taken place any more, but of course, there were still occasions that I had to remind her to improve or do it better. Other than that, I don't see the need for me to be breathing down her neck for as long as she does her work properly and diligently. In fact, I think she does not have much to do at my house, as she had to ask me for more work. Sometimes, she would ask if she could prepare snacks for tea time. And usually, I will just let her do it if it's not too frivolous. She has even requested if I could purchase ingredients for rempeyek because she wanted to make some. By all means, I thought since I like rempeyek, and if it's good, she can make rempeyeks for our next raya. Well, but I'm still cautious and not about to let my guard down.

My mundane marketing musings

When I was a bit younger, maybe during my singlehood days, I was arrogant to think that the wet market is not for me. I would be the one doing marketing at the airconditioned, non-smelly, well-categorised supermarket just like the Hollywood movies, lugging groceries in brown bags.

Or so I think.

But this morning, I was at the new Geylang Serai market for one of my routine marketing trips of late with my domestic helper lugging the metal grocery bag on rollers. Of now, I will not be caught dead lugging that metal grocery bag. Eversince Afzal was in daily school, and having a domestic helper since 27 days ago, we've been having home-cooked meals more so than ever.

I'm pampered in Singapore. As food is so easily accessible. Every corner I turned, there is always stalls, shops, eateries, restaurants. There is always food and more food, not to mention the halal international kind.

When I work, I don't cook. When I'm lazy, I don't cook. And if I just don't feel like cooking, I don't cook. My kitchen(s) are out there, from local to international cuisines, from fast food to gourmet restaurants, from kampong to western delights, and not forgetting the ever delicious mum's and mil's meals.

But eversince Afzal is in daily school and the availability of the domestic helper to do all the hard work for me like cutting, peeling, chopping, blending and washing and scrubbing the pots after that, cooking has been almost a daily affair. So my dear Afzal will get Mum's warm home-cooked meals after school and Hubby will sometimes tapao for work as well.

Back in Alabama, I would cry my eyes out and I still had to cook. Of course, at times, when hubby was kind enough to grant me an off day, we would eat maggie mee. Occasionally we may hit a restaurant for their expensive seafood dishes. I turned every corner, and there is no halal food. Life was "hard" as I had to cook everyday, having to do all the cutting, peeling, chopping, blending, washing, scrubbing by myself. But where are the brown grocery bags? It remains in Hollywood movies, it seemed, because in Alabama, we still used plastic bags and in Melbourne, they encourage you to bring your own recycle bags.

With the frailties of human beings and our insatiable desires, we tend to think that the grass is always greener on the other side. We just don't know when we've got something good going until we do not have access to it. Mundane it might seem, but it has become an issue of survival. And surviving is one trait that cannot be learned, but only experience. For something that we desire, something else have to be given up. Unless that's ok with you, then it's a viable option. Otherwise, it will become a burden and you will think why you ever do it in the first place. Hmmm, what have these ramblings got to do with my going to the market?

Excuse me Mr or Ms Architect, are you a driver too?

If you have been to the new Geylang Serai Market, and decided to park your car at the market itself, you would definitely enter through the "wrong" lane and then reversed to go to the right lane. I wonder who design the entry and exit of that carpark, as the person who does that definitely has no sense of direction of the Singapore road system, and the supervisor who approved the plan is no less goondu. Unless you are in America, then it's ok to enter from the right lane. But here, we usually turn left into the left lane not right but this is not the case for the new Geylang Serai Market. When we turn left, we had to enter via the right lane instead to enter the carpark and if you did not know or not careful, you will move head on with the cars coming out of the carpark because the vehicles would be crisscrossing lanes. The cars exiting the car park should exit on their left but no, they exit on the right.

This reminds me of a story that an ex-colleague cum old friend told me about. At that time, her younger sister was studying to be an architect, and though their mum insisted that she should learn how to drive, younger sister was resistant. So mum said that, "if you don't drive, you will not know how to design car parks." And their mom words continue to echo in my ear whenever I enter a shopping mall with badly designed carparks. Whenever that happens, I will tell hubby that the architect is not a driver, and the supervisor sleeps on his job.

What's in a name?

It’s heartening to know that Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza stay true to their real names despite being in the glamour world of showbiz. But surprisingly some artistes that are managed by a Malay tv station has names changed from Khairul to Hyrul, and others from Iskandar to Eiss and Taufik to Taufique. Phonetically, the sounds are still the same but the alphabets depicted are more glamourous, no?

There goes again perhaps a case of identity crisis of the Malays, wanting to sound more westernized and glamourised than they should be. Even my own name, Maria, do not sound Malay but it has its roots in Islamic and Catholic origins. When I was in Europe, my name was so common that it became boring. Because every other European women you met, would have a name starting with Maria or know many more women with that name. However, on the positive side, they do not have problems pronouncing my name.

Some names are chosen, while others are created. Well, at least my son's name was chosen from ...not from some Islamic Baby Names Books, but the internet. There's just so much more choices from the internet than from the books. His chosen name is Muhammad Afzal simply because it has an excellent meaning, with its roots in Islam. It means the “most excellent”, and together with Muhammad, it means “the most honourable, most excellent”. And I hope he will grow up to be a fine young man. But it came to a point when grandparents think the name is too “heavy” for the child to carry. Especially when kids are prone to heavy crying and often falls sick, that’s when Malays feel that the names given to the child are not appropriate. It so happened that my husband is known by another name by his family members and relatives, which sounded a bit feminine. And if his actual name is mentioned, the relatives would be wondering whom we are talking about as they do not remember his real name. From what I heard, my husband’s maternal grandfather, in remembrance of a lost son, gave his real name to him. But his own father wanted a different name. So in respect, his official name was given by his maternal grandfather but his known to many by his other name given by his own father. Is that confusing? And to make matters more confusing, his three other adiks all have other names, and mind you, these are not nicknames.

In the old days, children are given names that may be detrimental to their own self-worth. For example, names like Buang, which literally means “throw” because so and so was abandoned by so and so parents and were picked up by another family. When the kids were picked up, they were called Pungot. Then there were others like Jantan, Comel, Comot, Kecil (but in terms of size, the person is far from kecil), Pendek, Panjang. And sometimes, they were given names of the week because they were born on Isnin or Senin, Khamis, Jumaat or Jumat, Sabtu, Ahad or Ahat. Names of months are not so popular except for the abbreviated June or Jun, and perhaps Syawal.

Created names may sound nice but sometimes do not hold any meaning. Others create their children's names by combining parts of the parents' names. Shahirina was born because of mom Shaemah, and dad Tahir. Then there are long names like Nurul Sajaa Rosshida Bte Mohd Rosli. This is still not long enough, and there are others much longer. Husband and I have decided that our kids’ names should not take too much time to write especially when it comes to exam papers. We also have western sounding names but with Islamic roots like Danial, Dayan and Matin, among others.

Hollywood celebrities can get away with wacky and weird names for their kids even calling them His Majesty or Police Inspektor. Sounds cheesey isn't it?

I wonder why a name was chosen and not others. So what’s in a name? Nice sounding and beautiful meaning? Glamourous or quirky? Or simply easy to remember.

What's the dilemma?

After watching Gol and Gincu, the Malaysian tv series about modern Malaysian teens grappling with issues of friendships, BGRs, futsal etc in a private college, my husband commented, "It's too modern."

Last night, the show's theme came across vividly what the show is actually about, The Malay Dilemma. A book written by the former Malaysian Primer Minister, Mahathir Mohamad was given airtime when the heroine, played by MTV VJ Fazura, opened the book in her hands. She was grappling with her modern identity vs her love for her more "cultured" boyfriend who is into Malay theatre and poetry. Aside what's reel, the reality is her reel boyfriend's real name is Mohd Pierre Andre. There were also other casts with similarly westernised names like Ashraf Sinclair. Maybe they were of mixed parentage. Or perhaps the Executive Producer of the show is the ex-PM own's daughter.

What Gol and Gincu potrayed may not truely reflect the whole of Malaysia, but at the same time, it is not uncommon in the Malaysian city landscape. Go down to places like Bukit Bintang and Bangsar, and you'll know what I mean. Perhaps I may be outdated, and there are more "happenings" than one could really imagine in a country known to be Islamic. I know, because I have lived there for 5 months and it was enough to give me a culture shock despite being of the same ethnic group.

When I was in university, I had a visiting Malaysian professor in my political science tutorial class. Being the only Malay in that class, he would often shoot questions at me, for the purpose of garnering my interest or just plain sadistic, I don't quite get him. And me, being politically apathetic, would just go into nonsensical babbling mode as long as I provide him some kind of responses. Funny, his own article would on occasions mildly criticise his country's political landscape but he also suggested to me that if I see a gathering of big names and they are sipping tea with a teacup in their hands, it means they are drinking wine. Should I believe this man? I didn't until of course I lived there.

Drinking liquor, though haram, is still practised by some Muslims. Even when I was visiting China, and visited many Muslim Chinese homes, some have bottles of liquor in their houses. This is also true in some Malaysian homes, and some of whom are people of high profiles. I'm sure it happens in Singapore too, but I have not seen a home with liquor yet but when it comes to drinking, heard and seen them many times. While doing research for a tv programme, the only contact I had in Singapore was with a Malay/ Muslim couple who owns a bar - tiny, dark, murky and patronised by Malays. I also went into a lounge own by a Chinese man but operated and runned by his Malay "mummy" and other Malay hostesses.

Sometimes we tend to sweep things under the carpet when the reality of our society is just such. If someone says that it's hard being Malay or Muslim and yet modern, then what about those Muslims living in non-Islamic countries, and yet able to keep their faith truthfully as they could.

It's strange that in societies or countries known to be Islamic or have better Islamic infrastructure, we, Muslims and/ or Malays tend to be lost. And by some kind of Divine intervention, we managed to find our truthful path when we are in a non-Islamic surrounding. Subhanallah, may Allah continue to guide us.

Best chances of a second one...?

I was reading with much amusement an article written by a gynaecologist a few days ago in the local Malay papers. He is a Muslim male. His article was about couples having trouble conceiving the second child or having trouble conceiving at all. And these couples have seek his advice on what should be done. Unless it was just pure fatigue, he felt that there is no need to see him. What needs to be done is to just do it. One wife actually told the husband that he (the gynae) had adviced doing it everyday until the husband felt extremely stressed and exhausted. The gynae was shocked to hear that he had dispense such an advice, only to realise that the wife had been smiling gleefully in the corner. This gynae's formula instead is to have the sex-relax-sex-relax method, which means doing it every alternate days for best chances of conceiving. But of course, he added, no one will stop you if you wishes to do it everyday. He ends off with this phrase Biar penat asalkan jangan tenat! Not so literal translation :- Never mind tired, as long as not punctured!

Oh hubby....

It's my wedding anniversary...(and I haven't learned)

Today (7 Nov 2006)marks my seventh year wedding anniversary, but it was a working day for hubby. And a regular day of me being a seri rumahtangga. Yes, a seri rumahtangga not suri rumahtangga and I doubt that you could find the word in the dictionary because it was coined by moi.

Back to the anniversary, eventhough hubby suggested we go out for dinner, I was not too keen as it would feel like any other dinners that we had to have. Unless of course, he had planned a romantic dinner for two with candlelights and scented aromas, with beautiful live music of violins, perhaps at the rooftop...hmmm, only in my dreams of now. I got him a card, a romantic card that pledges my vow to him, ehem, and of course a present - a pair of black pants that he needed badly because he does not have one. But I was illusioned to think that he was still a size 34. He had grown to 36. Therefore I have to get it changed. I prepared dinner of sirloin steak and fresh salad at home with leftovers of mashed potato and mushroom sauce. Of course hubby apologised that he hadn't had the time to get me something, anything. Not that I want to, but only if he could have thought about it and got something much earlier. You know, men, or rather this hubby of mine, is someone you need to tell upfront, straight into his face, that you want flowers, roses or diamonds, then he will get it for you (well maybe not that last item starting with the letter d). Otherwise, if you said, it's ok, nevermind dear, it's really ok, it's not that important, no, I don't want anything - then he will NOT get anything. Period. I wished men, or rather, this hubby of mine would not take me too literally here. Serve me right for not learning my lesson all these years.

Salam Aidilfitri

by afzalmom
Afzal donning the latest invention for this festive season, the "songkok lap-lip" (glitterati headgear).

Here's wishing family, friends and online buddies a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir dan Batin. May you have a blessed year ahead.

Recollections from the past

The same time last year, we spent Ramadan in Alabama. The difference were many. As perhaps usual for Muslims fasting in a non-Muslim country, we did not hear any form of Azan to signify the breaking of fast unlike here in Singapore where everyone would tune in to Radio Warna for that significant moment. What we had was a printout of the solat times that includes imsak from the local mosque, and we rely on that religiously.

We did not break fast with family members. It was a rather quiet Ramadan, breaking fast with hubby alone. And when hubby is on night shift, it would just be me. We hadn't train Afzal then to fast, and usually he would have had his dinner by then. This was something I missed most.

One major difference would be the fact that during buka, it was my home-cooked meals daily. Unlike here, there were no visits to any bazaars for any Ramadan specialty. Though we did not really crave for anything special, I remembered the nasi ambeng at the Jurong West bazaar and the bubur masjid plus air kathira. And hubby remembered this one food that he would usually have once during Ramadan which he did not get a taste of it at all last year - bubur sum sum. Up till today which is already 23 days of fasting, hubby already had his bubur sum sum, and I still hadn't got my nasi ambeng from that Jurong West bazaar.

This year, our break fast were mostly outside or at our parent's home with the exception for a few days that I cook that I could count with one hand alone.

There are other things that I knew I wanted to do during Ramadan, but somehow, never get around to doing it. And these are important things I feel for my own personal and spiritual development. But what I fear is I may get lost again in this world-chasing thing or in this hurried lifestyle that I'm having which I know is not an excuse for my own inadequacy and lack of effort on my part.

Oh Allah swt, give me strength, give me your mercy and give me your compassion for I'm such an inadequate being of yours.

I write but that does not make me a writer

For the first time, I was officially known as a writer. That was about two months back when I decided to decline the offer to produce and direct a tv programme but instead, to write.

Rather than sounding a tad arrogant when some may consider my decision to write instead of produce/ direct a sheer waste of talent, I believe this decision has a lot to do with my phase in life. And writing, is a talent to be nurtured as well. Just because I write, that does not make me a writer. My hats off to tv writers and other writers alike especially these two I know, Hamed Ismail and Amanah Mustafi for having the tenacity and brain power to churn scripts on a daily basis.

My decision to even get one foot back into the broadcasting world is one of mixed feelings. It's something that I have done for over a decade and therefore I can be considered almost a veteran in this area but never an expert. I learnt from phD holders, that no one is an expert in something. There is always something new to learn in a profession that you are so used and accustomed to. And though I feel I could start to pursue a new career path like early childhood, I do feel lacking in expertise in this new area as well.

So I hang on, waiting, or rather just passing by, till I feel my son is going to primary school before I embark on a new path, but then again, only time will tell. At least an incident in the broadcasting world recently had revived in me one of the many reasons why I left the industry in the first place.

It's an interesting and dynamic place to be with a lot of avenues for creative juices to flow but sometimes it's the people that really suck the blood out of you. People who shamelessly think that they are mightier than thou just because they are in a so-called 'higher' or 'clientele' position, working with people who are "anal" in many ways and yet doesn't know it, working with people with mindsets, a mindset that they think others have not change and evolve with the times and yet their own mindset has not change and evolve as well. People who are just plain pure rude, wicked, who thinks they are glamorous, "serpent beneath the rose types" blah, blah, blah and ...all sorts. Astaghfirullahallazim, pardon me Allah, for I am fasting. And please protect me from these people, because sometimes I feel they make me a bad person, but I know I have the choice not to be one. So help me. Amin

I write, for the sake of writing.

Driving me crazy

It's been a week of lots of driving. Yes, I have the car all to myself because hubby is not around. And there I go, zipping from east to west to central to west and back to east and further east etc. Unlike when I take a taxi, driving requires some kind of mental checklist, especially if I'm going to an untrodden route. However, with a kid in tow, and having to go to "work", it seems that the night before I will go through my mental checklist of what I should do first, and where to go.

So it could be
1) drive to a breakfast stop (must decide where or within the route I'm going)
2) eat or buy breakfast so that the lil' one is full and will not be cranky
3) send to mother-in-law's place (which will be PIE from east all the way to Pioneer Rd)
4) Or send to mum's place (which will be PIE exit from Eunos all the way to Tampines)
5) Take the PIE route to "work"
6) Go back take PIE to either Pioneer Rd or Tampines depending where the lil' one is. Sometimes another pitstop to get dinner, a bit of groceries/emergencies or fill up the tank.
7) On selected days, take the lil one to his enrichment classes.
8) Drive back PIE to home.

On certain days, I may have to go to some untrodden route or my not-so-usual path like Syed Alwi Road or Pandan Road, that's when I had to get the directory to decide whether to hit the PIE or ECP or otherwise. If I'm not stuck in a traffic jam for some reason, I will get lost.

But this particular experience differs from the usual and I hope it is not an experience to be repeated again. *Pray*

I remembered the first time when hubby left for Alabama and I had the car all to myself. I was driving along PIE from Tampines to Jalan Bahar in the morning rush hour. Afzal was with me because I had to send him to the work childcare and then head off for work. And my car just went dead on the PIE somewhere before Adam Road exit, in the morning rush hour. Yes, with loads of cars behind, in front and around me rushing for work and my car went dead in the middle of the PIE. I could not start the car, and nervous beads of perspiration were raining on my forehead. It did not help that Afzal was wailing in fear of the situation. The car behind honked but he stopped, and he was kind enough to go out of his car to see what happened to mine. He could not start my car either. I wanted to go out of the car, but my son was wailing again. I was embarrassed, shocked and nervous all rolled into one. Frankly speaking, I did not know what to do and wished hubby had been around, not only in my car but in Singapore, that is at that time.

The guy whose car was behind me suggested I called my tow-truck company but before I knew it another tow-truck came. There's so many cctv cameras on PIE, so the LTA will send one tow-truck out should they see a car in distress. We were towed all the way to Adam Road food centre. A distressed mum will be further distressed with a distressed son. So the pakcik tow-truck actually help to carry Afzal to his truck and comfort him until we land safely on Adam Road food centre car park.

That was a nightmare!

The nature of things

My little boy turned six yesterday. It was a quiet celebration at Swensen, with lunch and ice-cream. Well, at least the staff there sang him a birthday song and his two uncles joined us as well. Nenek and datuk were holidaying in Melbourne, but they called in the morning to wish him together with his Aunty Yan and Uncle Nazif. Afzal received a Black Widow water gun from his youngest uncle Suffian.

Since we received two complimentary tickets from his uncle Ayom to the Kids Central Live Show on 31 Aug,we went - only Afzal and mummy, sharing a special time together.

Today, we were at the airport bidding his daddy farewell. Daddy left for US again but this time to Illinois for the next three weeks. After that, mummy brought Afzal to the Kids Central Carnival because the tickets were still valid since it rained heavily the last time. On the way home, we stopped at the coffeeshop beside Kassim Mosque and bought packed dinner. Afzal wanted briyani.

Mummy and Afzal shared a packet of chicken briyani and mummy felt like drinking soda. So mummy relented and shared soda together with the big little boy.

Now, While Afzal is occupying himself with his new remote control car from his Aunt Midah, mummy is feeling blue. Oh well, I will keep myself busy with work for next week while putting Afzal at mum-in-law's place. In this moment in time, that's the nature of things, I guess.

So how, brown cow? Don't shoot me if I'm wrong...

With the so many changes in the education system in Singapore, it makes me think that perhaps it's about time that the government acknowledges the diversity and the different gifts in each child. With all the talk about more concrete and experiential learning experience, smaller classroom size and niche programs in schools, many children will have their different potential(s) and diverse talent(s) realised. But shoot me if I'm wrong, things are not really changing.

An early childhood colleague once mentioned to me that it's not the fault of the schools, but it's parents who are pushing their children to the edge, and in return pushed the teachers and principals. And therefore, it has become imperative for schools to upkeep their standards, thus stressing the principals and the teachers.

Let's say she is right but for a start why aren't the principals and teachers embracing the changes first and then changing the mindset of parents? Otherwise, the old and unwanted effects will just continue.

Here's a little snippet of something of this thing called the primary school registration in this little island of Singapore.

When I say I wanted to send my child to school A, a parent told me that it is not a good school, and suggested that I should send my child to school B instead. According to her, the academic standard in school B is better and even if your child is not doing so well, this school B is affiliated to a secondary school and your child will still stand a chance of a secondary school. (Affiliations or not, I just hope that my son is capable to get into a secondary school with his own abilities.) She, however, sent her child to school C because it is a SAP primary school, so-called the best in that area. (I will never have a chance to send my child to school C, for obvious reasons that my child will not take Mandarin as a second language in school.)

On my part, I have checked out the nearest available schools via their internet, and I was more impressed with school A's website rather than school B. And of course, I have my own reasons why I think school A will be better for my son. But with some non-highly recommended comments about school A, I decided to check out school A myself and met with the school principal. How I wished he would dispel some myths about his school and welcome me and my child to his school with opens arms. He did dispel some myths but the meeting that followed was definitely not what I was expecting.

According to principal of school A, not verbatim, "Our school is doing very well, in fact, our academic is very rigorous, and if your child is not able to read and write by the time he is in primary one, he will struggle and it will be stressful for him."

According to principal of school A, "our school is better that school B, because the aggregate of our top PSLE student's last year was higher than school B and many other schools around the district. In fact, we are better than school B in all subjects except Mandarin."

He also reiterated the fact that students who enter his school are mostly readers and they fall in the 3-5 categories. He does not have students in the 0 and 1 categories, meaning non-readers. He mentioned again that "if parents are not involved in their children's education, it will be difficult for the child to progress in his school." (Get the hint).

Two things here.

1) The principal's facts and figures actually show you that you should not just listen to any parents without checking it out yourself. The truth is better than hearsay. Also, don't let other parents change what you have in mind because only you know your child better. Firstly ask yourself, what is a good school to you and to your child? For me, I will not put my child in schools where there are major disciplinary and attitudinal issues with the children. Other than that, I have some faith in MOE and NIE for having one of the best curriculums in the world and some of the finest teachers.

2) I am definitely an advocate for parent involvement, but to keep reiterating the fact that if my son is not able to read and write in primary one, I repeat again, read and write in primary one, he will definitely struggle. Isn't he, the school principal, pushing the parents' to the edge and in return the kids will be pushed by the parents and the cycle continues? So who is stressing who now?

And I thought the schools are changing to accomodate the different abilities in students.

So how, brown cow?

It is not related to history

I'm having this perpetual cough that never seems to subside after the flu bug hits me. I don't know what is it about me or the weather here in Singapore that this sinus-cough ailment is stuck to me like a bad sore. Taking over-the-counter cough syrup does not do me any good. I need stronger dosage so in other words again, maybe another visit to the doc. Somehow, for the one year we were in Alabama, my health was good. Afzal had fever twice, but he never had a bad cough attack that we needed to scramble for his puffs. Here, when his cough sounded really bad, it looks like he was about to 'choke.'

Some four plus years ago, at least once a month, Afzal would always need to see a doctor. At that time, we went to a GP. But after no improvement, I decided that we should see a paeditrician. At the PD, we were told then that Afzal had mild asthma, something which the GP had not mention. We were surprised and rather doubtful about the PD's diagnosis. "It can't be!" we thought, because both me and my husband's side of the families have no history of asthma. That first time, however, Afzal was given those masked oxygen to breathe in that PD's clinic. He had a different cough, cold and fever medication than the usual ones that we had from the GP, and the PD prescribed us his inhalers as well as the "rocket."

Back in our car, I hugged him and cried, and once again the many times that I had felt so helpless and like a failure for not being able to help him welled up inside me. It did not help when we told our parents who refused to believe that Afzal had mild asthma because "there is no history in both our families." It made me feel even worst, as I felt like I was being accused whether intentional or not that I did not know how and did not take good care of my own son.

Just to be sure, we went to another doctor and was told the same thing. In fact, he assured us it may not necessarily be 'history' related but if any of the parents have sinus or eczema problems, that could potentially be a cause for asthma. I know I have this sinus problem and hubby too. So we both accept the fact that both of us could cause Afzal's asthma so as to shoulder the guilt together. Again, to be sure, we visited another paeditrician for a third opinion, and the results have not changed since.

But Afzal has been better, and has never ever needed to rely on his inhalers 24/7. And we are so grateful for that.

Trying to get back the momentum

It's not easy to get back to the momentum of writing in blogs, and I have saved a postings as draft. I'll come back to that later, I thought, well maybe yes, maybe not.

Being in home ground perhaps, I feel rather mundane to talk about things that I do unlike being in a different country where you get to experience new things thus you talk and blog about it. For one, changes in my life are not interesting materials to report about. And how I wish I have the gift of the pen like some other bloggers who write poignant stories and personal political statements.

Firstly, where do I start?

I'll be back, soon, I hope.

Has anyone notice that...

...I have not updated this blog for the longest time ever? Or the subtle changes that I have made in "About Afzalmom" and the addition of the "new Singapore time clock". Still sentimental about deleting "Mobile, Al's clock". Anyway, I'll try my best to update and to friends that have kept me company during my 'very on' blogging days, please pardon me for this cessation in transmission but you are still being remembered always.

It bugs me

Barely three months we are back in Singapore, I have made the local doctors even richer by having three visits already...i'm so bugged with the flu bug. As a Taurean, it has been said that my sensitivities are around the ears, nose and throat regions. Oh well, how true, and it is so often that my throat is affected that everyone would say I have an ultra sexy voice (aka the frog's croak).

Last Saturday, I guessed my body went into shock and my system crashed. I think I have been out of the adrenaline-pumping-super-long-hours-live-tv-show for so long (2 years to be exact) that I suddenly went on overdrive...

The World Cup ...

... and the neglected wife.

It comes every four years, where the lure of men kicking one ball is better than s**, or so it seems. So for every significant other who is not interested in the game, this is the time where you will have the whole bed to yourself, while hearing occasional oohs and ahhs and indiscernable shouts and grunts from your spouse (and maybe others) from the living room.

Have I turned my back at the blogging world?

I really don't know and I don't have the answers right now.

Blogging came to me when I was 'alone', when hubby left for the States back in April 2005. Now I'm back in Singapore and I'm not 'alone' anymore eventhough hubby is back in Alabama again since May 15th. But at least now I have my family, friends, familiarity and things to keep me busy.

Until then. I don't know when. Maybe tomorrow...?

Ah Choo!!!!!

My morning sinus is back. My nose is red. My sweat glands work triple time. Extra showers everyday. I can't move at the supermarket, and my, the drivers here are really impatient.

Welcome back to my Singapore, my birth country.

5 boxes at parent's place and another 5 boxes at my mil's place.

Half unpacked.

So what's the future plan?

Still waiting for the news, so that I can take action of Plan A or B or maybe C. Is there a Plan C?

Afzal is not in school. Me teaching him a few minutes a day. Minutes not even an hour.

Want to send him for enrichment like golf or swimming or music, I've to wait for the news. Again. Incapacitated.

Ok maybe I'll call to ask.